Bit of a complicated one. Apologies in advance.
Last year I was asked to move from one arm of the business to a new role. Significant new responsibilities and i will manage this new team. I did not want or apply for the role but was put under a lot of pressure to do so. And there were bits i was interested in and my previous rule is now redundant anyway.
The project has not gone live yet (because of another factor, all my responsibilities are complete). Director very happy with me.
But personal stuff in the background.
- I'm disabled and needed an inpatient stay last year for a chronic condition
- I had a cardiac event 12 months ago and needed CPR, so had time off for that.
- STBXH works away and I mostly parent solo.
- DS1 had had some health issues requiring me to zoom off to ED a number of times.
- I'm getting my ducks in a row to leave STBXH, who had been emotionally, financially and sometimes physically abusive for years. My manager and director know about this and could not have been more supportive. They've been wonderful.
BUT.
I don't want this new role when it goes live. I'm not a manager- I did it for years and it's not within my gift. I'm not experienced in the area that the people I manage will be and tbh, having done a bit to familiarise myself, it bores me senseless.
Last week my manager (let's call her Sian), asked me very gently if I wanted the role. I was taken by surprise and said no. Sian asked me what I would like to do instead and I explained I would like to be the director's deputy - goodness knows he is snowed under because he asks me to help out sometimes. Sian suggested I write a job description and propose it to Mark (director).
I've written the JD. But how do I do this? I don't want to let anyone down and I've made a commitment to the role that I will keep to if required. I just dont want to. But they have been so so good to me. I want them to know my commitment.