Should I email an apology after disagreeing with senior colleague in group email?

[Levithecat]

I did something very silly at work and disagreed with a senior publicly in a group email. I rightly got hauled over the coals by my boss after his boss and the person in question raised it. I asked my boss what repair work I could do and he said to leave it.

I generally don’t like leaving things unsaid (which was part of the issue in the first place) so was thinking of emailing bosses boss and the person in question and saying something like -

I wanted to sincerely apologise for expressing an opposing view publicly last week. It was absolutely not the forum to do that, and I want to assure you that it won’t happen again.

I don’t want to get into the specifics of the disagreement with them because I stand by my view, but agree that I should definitely not have used a group email to express it.

is that email text ok?

We encourage our team to disagree with senior & junior staff - respectfully and that includes not doing it in a public forum in a way that would cause unnecessary embarrassment. Not everyone gets this right - it’s a hard skill to learn. You got it wrong, learn from the situation and be better next time. But for now leave the apology and move on.

Your boss told you to leave it. So leave it.

I also think you have to take the lead from the people who had the problem with it. The senior colleague didn’t raise it with you - he raised it with your boss’s boss. That, to me, is an indication that (rightly or wrongly) he wanted to address it at that level, rather than directly with you. That’s now been done so as far as he’s concerned the matter’s over and done with.

And what's wrong with that? Or indeed, disagreeing with a more senior person in an email?

This.

Yes, this.

If a senior person feels humiliated or undermined by being politely questioned or gainsaid in public, that is an indication that they are trying to appear infallible and are unable to cope with the notion that someone else may have a better idea or be correct when they are wrong, and having that be known.

Other than in exceptional circumstances or professions, it's an unhelpful leadership style generally wielded by fragile people that leads to a toxic culture in which more mistakes will happen because people are uncomfortable speaking up in the moment to prevent them.

Why aren’t you allowed to express a different opinion without being scolded??? I

No, just leave it. You didn't actually do anything wrong from the sounds of it.

I wish people would leave the chatgpt responses at well.

Exactly. A culture in which people aren't free to openly express their opinions - including disagreement with senior colleagues - can only produce bad decision-making. There is nothing inherently disrespectful about expressing a difference of opinion if it is done in a professional way.

Why can’t you disagree with someone? How fragile is their ego? I would never apologise for having a different opinion.

Is the person you disagreed with a man?

Genuine question: does it actually happen very often that junior staff publicly and robustly challenge you?

I’m only asking this because, in my 27 years of working, I think almost every CEO I’ve worked with has made quite a big thing of saying they want people to feel they can disagree with them but then, in practice, when it happens it turns out most of them are not very keen on it at all and it stops happening pretty quickly.

I’m not saying that’s the case with you, of course! I’m just wondering how it all plays out at your workplace.

FFS leave it, like you have been told! You seem go have a problem with speaking out of turn!

This with fucking bells on.

You've been told to leave it so just leave it.
It's perfectly fine to disagree publicly with colleagues. This isn't something you should've been reprimanded for. Would a man have been reprimanded in the same situation?
Who gives a fuck if the air is never cleared? The man you disagreed with is just a colleague who [in your eyes] was in the wrong. Fuck him.

If you have to apologise, say something breezy in-person next time you see him. But I really, really wouldn't.

When I say "fuck him", I mean forget about him because he's not important in your actual life (i.e. non-work).

I don't mean actually go and fuck him 😬

Leave it. Specifically because this is in that murky area of whether you did anything really wrong or not. The big boss is probably feeling a little awkward about the whole thing (the want to be a person you can disagree with but….). It won’t help get over the thing if you send an inevitably slightly pass-ag email.

forget it and move on.

Should have added - this slight embarrassment is why they have back-channeled the message to you. It’s another signal not to address it directly - it’s just uncomfortable for everyone.

I'm glad to say that I have never worked in an environment where disagreeing (politely, with evidence) with a senior leader would result in a reprimand. On the contrary I have always had directors and c-suite who have invited colleagues to challenge them and suggest new ideas.

As my daughter would say, “make like Elsa and let it go”.
Seriously, the bollocking has been passed through the correct channels to put you back in your place. Do not go behind your manager’s back to do something you’ve explicitly been told not to do. It reflects very badly on you and shows you to be a person who doesn’t respect authority.
Right now you do not want to be that name that keeps cropping up. Trust me on this.

I asked my boss what repair work I could do and he said to leave it.

Is there any member of management you respect in your work place?

I think don't send it or even ask your boss about it, you've been told to leave it.
If I understand correctly the issue seems to be not that you have an opposing view but because you challenged him in group forum. Whilst some firms have a culture of encouraging expressing views, which is good, there may also be a "time and place" for it.

The email you have drafted is not great in itself either. It basically says sorry I disagreed with you in front of everyone, I still think I'm right though. (You might well be but it wont help smooth relations at all. )

I wouldn't apologise. I'd also wonder why he is in a senior position if he can't handle public challenge.

I would place good money on the senior colleague being a man. I’m so sick of tiptoeing around men’s egos at work.

Don’t email. Leaves a paper trail with you admitting to something you actually aren’t sorry about doing. Wait until you see the person on their own and say something “ I hope you didn’t take our email disagreement personally, I was expressing an opinion, not having a pop”

"Think more like a man". Do not apologise, just concentrate on your career.
Your proposed email will be seen as trying to keep it going. Whatever 'it' was.
It makes it about you. It isn't.

I generally don’t like leaving things unsaid (which was part of the issue in the first place)

The fact that this was what caused the problem in the first place and now you want to ignore instructions for the same reason makes it look like you haven't learnt from this experience - and will make other people think you haven't learnt from this situation. Which will do more harm to your working relationships and undermine any apology.

Leave it.

If you really cannot contain yourself, then speak to people instead of firing off emails.

But ideally, do as you have been told and leave it. Then demonstrate through your actions that you have learnt from this.