Anyone else struggling with work?

[Theappren]

I’m late 20s. Earn just over £70k now, it’s a job I started 6 months ago and I haven’t been enjoying it much although I’ve had positive feedback. This is because it feels like a step back from my previous role (old job paid less, but I had much more responsibilities weirdly enough) and I’m not stretching myself or engaged with the work.

Throughout my life, I always tried to do well at work, in an attempt to be financially secure. But looking back, I think I can’t cope with working or have developed an unhealthy dependency on it. So at the moment, I feel pressured that I’m setting back my career by staying in a “step back” role, even though it pays more.

I keep wanting to progress, be an overachiever, earn more etc. But with that comes constant late hours, work related stress, self worth tied to work. Is this normal? I can do the job, but it basically consumes my life.

In an attempt to move on, I had a job interview earlier today which went terribly, I can’t stop thinking about it. It feels like I’m running off adrenaline or something. Not sure if I’m applying undue pressure to myself here. Not sure how others approach work or if these things come more naturally to you.

Have you tried CBT or other therapies? It might help with framing and contextualising your feelings towards work and life.

£70k is a very good salary and if it comes with stability etc in your late20s as other
priorities may creep in. Maybe responsibilities will ramp up - is think you’ve only recently passed probationary period?
It seems as if the pressure to work the long hours is self imposed(?) and may have a limited effect on promotion and work prospects but an actively harmful effect on your life (health, happiness, hobbies, friends, etc). Working out those drivers and strategies to pull back when it is in your best interests may serve you well.

I’ve hit the point where I’d take flexibility and lower demands over a higher salary.

I am 30, grossing £70k but putting £12k into a pension.

I did a pretty arduous grad scheme in my mid-late twenties to get here and it consumed me for four years. Working all week, studying in the evenings and weekends.

Now I’ve got a job that I can manage the demands of with flexible working hours and some hybrid working. Another step up would mean giving up the flexi, taking on line management responsibilities and getting involved in senior leadership. Everyone else wants it but I don’t, in fact, I’d rather stay where I am, go part time and do less.

So what i wound say is I relate and "followed the money"

Your current job
I would continue to look for roles noting that it todays climate most people who land jobs in my field do it via networking (ie youve been referred or you know someone tlwho also knows the hiring manager and they'll vouch for you.
You ideally want to keep going up (I have more flex now than I did in mid management presenteeism is dead i make my own hours)

Long term
You do have time and space to relax get down time. Focus on nutrition and exercise it will do a lot for you.
An lower paid job can bring its own issues as can a low demand job (you may find it frustrating and if you do its often a 1 way ticket...you wont be able to walk back into your old job type and pay...)

I dont regret following the money. this shit gets harder as you get older. The money gives you a tonne of choice.
I didnt live a miserable life in my 20s/ 30s but I didnt waste my money. Eg had a list of 20n0laces I wanted to go and would go to gdansk if the flights were £20 if Lisbon flights were £220 ...

i was saving from early 20s even when it felt pointless eg. 200 pm) once you hit 10k 20k 50k 100k it really starts moving in a meaningful way 100k in savings was a massive milestone that felt impossible tbh.

Im 42 with 2 kids and will probably be done in 5 years

The job I had an interview for yesterday pays £90k with a 30% bonus. But, interview went terribly and no chance I’m successful. So I’m processing it as a rejection and feel a bit shit.

The interview was actually embarrassing, looking back. If I was successful I think it might be a poor culture fit. I actually wanted to leave the interview part way through, that’s how bad it was!

Oh sweetheart, please slow down and breathe for a moment. What you're describing isn't ambition, it's burnout dressed up as drive. You're late 20s, earning £70k, getting positive feedback, and you're calling it a step back because you're not exhausted enough? That's your nervous system talking, not reality.
The fact you can't stop thinking about a bad interview, that your self worth is completely tied to work, that you feel you can't cope without constantly pushing, these are warning signs not badges of honour. You've trained yourself to only feel okay when you're overachieving, and now a perfectly good job feels wrong because it's not destroying you.
This isn't normal, or rather it's common but it's not healthy. Lots of high achievers end up here and it often comes from earlier stuff, needing to prove yourself, financial anxiety, perfectionism, whatever it is for you.
A few gentle thoughts. First, staying in a well paid role that isn't killing you is not failure, it's actually quite wise. Second, therapy or coaching could really help you unpick why rest feels like regression. Third, one bad interview means nothing except you're human. Fourth, what would happen if you just stayed put for a year and focused on building a life outside work?
You don't have to earn your right to exist love. You're already enough.