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Person at work hates me

10 replies

ConfusedDotCom13 · 13/03/2026 17:51

Hi fellow mumsnetters,

I recently started a fixed term contract in a position where I have to manage 2 people. I found out, after accepting the role, that both applied for the job.

One of these people has taken an instant dislike to me. It started when she criticised my work (😧) and since then, she's just been generally unpleasant and unhelpful. I have gone out of my way to be open, friendly and appreciative etc, but I feel like I can't win. Not sure I can put up with this for 12 months, but I know she's been at the company for a while and they think very highly of her.

She's not going to change, is she? Should I start looking for something else and cut my losses?

Thanks, in advance.

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 13/03/2026 20:03

That's deeply annoying. But if the leadership think she's wonderful then you're on a hiding to nothing.

I think you should follow miss Claire Benjamin on Instagram. She's VG at telling you how to deal with this sort of thing.

Worst case scenario: youre here for the rest of the year. Best case you get another job and are out of there.

GoldenCupsatHarvestTime · 13/03/2026 20:04

If leadership thought she was so wonderful she’d have got your job. She didn’t get it.

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 13/03/2026 20:05

Exactly what GoldenCups said

Mum8686 · 13/03/2026 20:22

Are you reliant on them teaching you? If so you’ve either got to ride through it or cut your losses. If not, bide your time. I’m guessing you’re more qualified? That will show after time.

SomedayIllBeSaturdayNight · 13/03/2026 20:24

Have you spoken to her about her behaviour?

IDontHateRainbows · 13/03/2026 20:51

I'd be frosty back with her but not in a way that's obvious or she can point out to anyone up the chain. Be very very subtle. Two can play her game.

Bringmebread · 14/03/2026 11:03

Op,

I was up until very recently, in the same position as you. New role, hired on experience and merit. Started and the rot set in. I noticed it within a few days. Kept my mouth closed, bit my tongue. I happened to mention to my LM, that things appeared to orbit around her, was told, she is a huge help and had been a 'god send' following a takeover process where all the former team left. This colleague helped new owners through this tricky time.

As the weeks went on, I was professional at all times, but then started on her melt downs, asking my LM to meet her for a coffee whereby she hounded my LM about how I had taken over and she had been pushed out. My LM asked my advice about this conversation. I am in a job share now and my colleague who I share the role with, is fabulous, same level as me, same years of experience and so on.... I asked my LM to ask her opinion as I knew I wouldn't be able to give a balanced opinion as the hatred was now running deep.

My co-share had already seen the problem. She stated that as rhis woman had shone through a tricky time from the former team, this woman was able to shine through and LM became reliant on her. When I and my co-share started, her incompetencies became very visible. It was a very deep insight into the shape of her character.

I resolved to carry on. I went on annual leave. During my ten day absence this woman demanded to our owner that either I go or she did. Our owner is a hardened professional of many years experience. She showed her where the door was. Not because of me but that she would never be held over a barrel like that. So, another meltdown and she left without notice.

As PPs have said, if she was that good, she would have your role. She hasn't and there will be some reason for that. You have the role. My hater also applied for the role and clearly was smarting about that so set about making little comments to other people. Don't bend over backwards, always remain professional and if it gets too much, speak to someone. I wanted to give her my honest opinion but I knew I couldn't. My co-share always the consummate professional, had spotted it and remained tightlipped until she was asked.

Do not cut your nose off to spite your face. We can never alter the shape of a person's character, it can hide itself for a time, but eventually our natural traits present themselves. Stick it out for the FTC period. I am always on the side of seeing crap like this through until I could no longer tolerate it and examined why such a thing might occur in being disliked intensely. What did she see in me that made her dislike me. I saw it early on. My LM didn't until it was in her face. It is quite the exercise unravelling it all.

Good luck.

ConfusedDotCom13 · 15/03/2026 14:23

Thanks for all your comments.
I have to admit, I am still quite stunned by this person's rudeness - however much I've hated some people I've worked with in the past, I would never have dreamt of behaving like that. Maybe it's a generational thing.
I'm erring towards looking for new role. Work is hard enough without dealing with constant unpleasantness.

OP posts:
somanychristmaslights · 15/03/2026 14:33

You’re the manager, so manage! Sit down with her and have a frank conversation.

Chatsbots · 15/03/2026 14:37

Find out your options from above, is she sackable?

If she is, sit her down and put her firmly in her place, shape up or...

If they will not or cannot sack her if she doesn't take note, that's when to get another job.

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