Paranoia over being fired

[Sliverofdarkness]

I currently work in a large commercial firm, in a professional career. I've been there more than a year however I still live in fear of being 'found out' as a fraud or being fired. I went back to my career after several years at home with multiple kids and feel like I was lobotomised during that time . I literally haven't a clue about anything professional anymore and no time in the evenings to study up on it. To make matters worse, I can barely sit still anymore and am very distractable in the open plan office. I feel useless every day, don't meet any deadlines and have to keep checking my phone to deal with kids getting lifts, dinners, childminder etc. Can't stop craving, chocolate, coffees, anything to get away from my desk and concentrating on my work. I count down the days til I can escape every week. Has anyone any suggestions of how I can improve before I'm found out and fired?

Might sound like a silly question, but do you actually like your job?

It doesn't sounds like it. Perhaps the job is not a good fit for you. I know I get a lot more, better quality work done at home without the distraction of an office role.

I had to wear headphones to help me concentrate

You must be operating in such a high state of stress. If you've posted then it's time to take action.
Critically look at what you have to do. Is anything time sensitive.. do immediately or delegate it.
Could you extend deadlines for work to give you more time to do it?
Speak with your line manager and discuss what would help you.

If you have got work sittjng there not done then you are giving then a reason to sack you. Sounds like you are waiting for someone to do an audit, discover this and make the decision for you.
Consider if you should leave. Jobs work both ways and if you are struggling and not motivated, nothing wrong in moving on.
But don't bury your head in the sand!!

Realistically if there was an issue you’d have been pulled in/ it would have come up by now. We assume we’re not good enough but you must be doing something right!! My whole mindset only changed after I saw the job people had done on leaving my last job, so I left because I felt like you did, a fraud that had imposter syndrome. I felt I was letting the company down with everything I did. Then I met people I’d worked with and they told me they'd tried my aspect of the job and how hard it was. I didn’t believe them until I heard the statistics another time I met them with a new person doing my old job, they were at the exact numbers I had been gnashing and upset over and said the company needed to get a pt person in to help.

Op look at the list you’ve given us of things you worry about and try to get them down. Nowadays screens have taken from people’s concentration levels and their ability to focus, would that be a case with you? Look at what you have to do and tackle it, I honestly think you’re well able!

@whereswilsonthey are banned in my office 😏

Oh sweetheart, first off you're not a fraud, you're a mum juggling a million things and your brain is absolutely fried, that's completely different. What you're describing, the distractibility, can't sit still, craving stimulation, struggling to focus, sounds like it could be worth chatting to your GP about, lots of women discover ADHD after kids when the mental load tips everything over the edge. In the meantime, try time blocking your tasks, noise cancelling headphones, and setting specific phone check times rather than constant peeking. Be kind to yourself love, you came back after years out and you're still standing, that's not nothing.

Do you maybe not want to work? Did you go back for the money and you had to rather than you want to?

I like being able to earn money after years at home, but it feels like it's at great cost in terms of childcare costs and missing out on my kids upbringing. It makes me sad. I do 32 hours per week but it feels like it's too much in terms of family, but not enough in terms of getting anywhere in work.

Thank you, you are very kind. My phone is a distraction, but I worry if I don't keep an eye on it, something will go wrong at home. 2 weeks ago I was under pressure in work and tried to just not look at my phone, it ended up that as I was going home I realised my eldest son hadn't been collected from one of his activities, which had finished 30 mins earlier and was stranded without a phone and no way of getting home. My husband was away with work and I had forgotten he usually collects our son. So this is the kind of thing that can happen quite easily if I'm not keeping track.

So that’s basically a no. Because you could up your hours.

can you stop work, if that’s what you want?

Is it as bad as you think really or is there just some imposter syndrome going on?

I’ve been in my job the same time and if I look at it objectively I know I’m incredibly good at it. But imposter syndrome kicks in and also knowing you’re vulnerable til you’ve been there 2 years doesn’t help.