Quit job on Maternity Leave!!

[BluePonyClub]

Hi, I need some advice I don't seem to have anyone who truly understands. Also I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill. So, I'm a qualified hairdresser but in the last 5 years I decided to pursue a different career which lead to a degree in marketing. My last job was okay but as most employers, not willing to be flexible. I can say I never asked for much just some flexibility with some days with children's illness or appointments but it was all met with hostility. Fast-forward to my second birth and PND and after a meeting where I brought up my situation as in there isn't much support from either my partners or my side and his job brings the money so there is only me and I asked if I was to go part time what my job would look like and it apparently that couldn't be answered until I made the decision also there was no reassurance for flexible working on the rare occasion I needed childcare. My job was very much flexible I could pick it up at 5 pm when partner got home and it was very much a work from home office environment expect for the people who joined the company after COVID so I made the decision to leave.

Now, I've had some interviews for marketing roles and I either didn't get the job or the job didn't suit my home commitments and I do understand businesses can't just drop everything for working parents which is why I'm trying to be very careful when job hunting so everything is laid out beforehand. I'm considering taking an evening job such as cleaning or something manual but I'm not sure about this either. It would just be a stop gap but I'm worried it will impact any future marketing jobs.

Thankfully we live within our means and don't struggle with finances so that's a big plus but I'm feeling very lost right now with two children under 3 and knowing I need to get back to work for my own sanity but at the same time I feel I should be here at home for them. I'm in a dilemma and I'm all over the place I've actually stopped applying for jobs and with my criteria it's slim pickings. Having children - and I don't mean any badness towards my babies - has really affected my career which I just didn't expect! I've been told to suck it up many times already so id appreciate if that wasn't said again please.

Thanks for reading

Would you consider being a mobile hairdresser while your kids are small? My last two hairdressers have been mums working from home (or travelling to other people’s homes). Total flexibility

Hairdresser is a good idea and you could look for a very part time marketing role as well? Maybe something like charity sector ?
the problem is any job you start you need to be proving yourself rather than putting conditions in (I appreciate it’s the situation your in but it’s not appealing to employers)
but when your kids are older you will be in a better position

This is an option. I haven't even picked up my scissors in 5 years I'd need some practice. I'll have to have a little think and maybe put the feelers out there to see if I will get any clients

I worked in Marketing before I had ds and after he was 2. I took my maternity leave and then an extra year off. After I returned to work, the only roles available were full time, and with no pre-agreed flexibility.

I dropped ds at a childminder at 8.30am and was at my desk by 9, and then collected him at 5.50.

Once he was at school, I dropped him at 8.40, he went to ASC and I collected him at 5.45. He spent summers at a holiday club, when I couldn't take annual leave.

I'm still working full time in marketing (he's 17) and have just recruited a 3 day a week mktg consultant to help. She has two small dcs. Her youngest is regularly ill, so we can't really rely on her yet.

We've taken her on because her skills are already established. I wouldn't have recruited a trainee with small dcs, it wouldn't have been worth it.

Continuing to cut hair until your youngest is at least 3 sounds like a more practical idea.

Your partner is responsible for your children as well - don’t fall into the trap of you doing it all because he earns more. If he is in a secure and stable job he should be in a position to flex more, not less.

Absolutely do not stop earning if you're not married. It is so risky, you have zero financial protection if you split. Please get married ASAP if you plan to stop earning. Still blows my mind anyone has kids and therefore makes financial sacrifices, without being married.

Okay but that doesn't solve my problem of the employers not having any flexibility around working parents. Again I don't expect them to cater for every problem but some is needed. As soon as I tell them I have two young children they need me to guarantee I have backup childcare for days maybe they can't do nursery or ask how I deal with sick days and I'm just not someone who has family around to help! Partner can and will take time off when needed but I try not to do that as he is the earner at the moment and again! That's not what my post was about lol

'Please get married ASAP'??'
I know you are being practical, but it seems harsh to make the concept of marriage sound completely like a business transaction. 😀

It is a business transaction. One that offers protection to (majority) mothers sacrificing their earnings to raise children. Too many people forget that.

But that’s exactly what the post is about. You won’t ever get your own earning power back while you prioritise his.

Look i did "everything right" and still got smashed in the face with the motherhood penalty so I get it. I really do.

I also work in this industry and had 2 under 2 as well. They are now almost 2 and 4.
I also had to have 3 surgeries last year.

I get that its hard I really do... but your employer is running a business... you need to meet them halfway.
You arent approaching this optimally.

Irrespective of who earned what we split sickness and pick ups.
I also did a lot less chit chat with bosses about "being a mum" and needing flexibility... i just got on with it and blocked my calendar and did emails at 5/6am and regularly worked 8-9.30 in the evenings. I didn't talk about the accommodations i needed, i just got the job done.

I think you need to make a decision
You either tell your dp to step up and lean in and you persevere or you go back to hairdressing and do mobile hairdressing.

Given you arent married I think you'd be nuts to give up work and you need a proper conversation with the children's father

I would imagine that you will have a long list of clients! Mine is flat out and has to turn people down. You can work around your partner's hours and make good money too. Be there for your dc. Marketing is full of deadlines and pressure. This would be much more flexible and less presssure. And YOU decide your own hours.

op why are you telling them you’ve two young children? You’re literally leading with ‘by the way I’m going to need extra lenience’. You figure out what to do as you go along in work, it’s like you’re asking them not to give you the job!

You sound like romance personified.
I mean this light hearted though and I do understand your point.**

Oh lovely, you're not making a mountain out of anything, this is genuinely hard and your feelings are completely valid. Marketing can actually be quite family friendly with freelance or contract work, have you considered picking up small projects on platforms like Upwork or reaching out to local businesses who need social media help? It keeps your CV fresh without rigid hours. An evening cleaning job won't hurt future prospects at all, it shows work ethic and fills a gap, employers understand. But please don't feel guilty about being home with tiny ones either, under 3 is so short and you're not falling behind, you're just in a different season. Something will fit, I promise.