Big new job, delaying TTC? What would you do?

[elsamayy]

Hello everyone. I am freaking out slightly, and I'd love to hear thoughts on my situation from women who maybe have been where I am.

I am turning 37 soon, and just accepted an offer for a great role at a new company. It is a senior leadership role, very well compensated, in a great organization where I hope to stay for a long time. I start in July. I could not be more excited! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that will impact my career trajectory enormously. It is likely to open the door to C-suite opportunities down the line.

The issue is that my DP and I were planning to start TTC this Summer. With this new job, I feel like we should postpone TTC until at least January 2027, when I will have been in the role for 6 months. By then, I will be 3 months away from turning 38. DP is one year older than me and is very supportive of my decisions and career.

I had some fertility tests done earlier this year, and everything looked good. I also have a family history of women (mother, aunts, and sister) having healthy babies easily at age 40. However, I know nothing is guaranteed when it comes to fertility, and I am freaking out that I am making a terrible mistake.

Am I mad for postponing TTC at my age? What would you do? The job is genuinely a great opportunity, and I don't want to start on the wrong foot by announcing a pregnancy right away. But at my age, maybe I should not care.

Any thoughts and advice are welcome. Thanks!

Take the job
TTC - could take a year, could take a month so work out your entitlement to any mat pay etc and go for it
get married - v important re financial and legal
protections

I wouldn't delay. A job is just a job. If you want a baby, you need to get going. Those tests are only indicative, I know friends who've tests have been fine and it's been a struggle to conceive. If you get pregnant within the next few months, you'd still be in the job several months before maternity leave. May be worth checking if you'd be eligible for enhanced maternity pay if they offer it, but if you can afford to take maternity leave at statutory pay then I wouldn't wait for that either. It took us nearly 2 years from starting TTC to having our daughter, and I was only 31 when we started trying (included a late miscarriage).

I wouldn't delay TTC at 37. Stick with the timeline you had and take nothing for granted. Agree with the getting married too.

If you know you want a family, I think it would be a bad idea to delay TTC for a year, even though everything could be fine. What if it isn’t?

I’m 38, have a professional job and young children. I sadly have so many colleagues who have delayed things for career reasons and then been unable to conceive. I also know that my own career plans have shifted since having children, and I wouldn’t have anticipated this - though am aware this doesn’t happen for everyone.

I too would take the job, marry and TTC asap!

I too had good fertility tests, tubes clear, and egg count very good for my age, DH semen fine too. We started TTC when I was 34. Long story short, we TTC 12yrs, lost 3 and have no living children. No cause for issues ever found except 'my old eggs'! I'd get cracking.

Another thing to think about is if you think you want more than one child?

Overall, I don't think putting your plans on hold for a few months would be a massive issue. Maybe wait until after your probation and then start trying?

I wouldnt delay ttc, could take ages

When you are 60 and looking back at your life, which scenario do you want to be sitting on?

A) you prioritised your career, and were very successful, rising high and earning lots. But you struggled for six years to conceive, before finally giving up and accepting you would never have children or grandchildren.

B) you started TTC right away and were successful quickly, so by the time you started your job in July you were already 3 months pregnant. You didn't legally have to tell them until 25 weeks, so you had time to get your feet under the table. You didn't qualify for enhanced mat pay and had to make do on Statutory Maternity Allowance. You went back to work after mat leave and started re-establishing your career. Your career did take a hit because of mat leave(s), and you didn't rise as high as you did in scenario A, but you're looking forward to visiting your youngest child at university next week, and your eldest is starting an enjoyable career she loves.

As it’s a new job, you may well not be entitled to full maternity benefits immediately, if you only get statutory mat leave pay can you afford that?

Boring I know but it’s a consideration to make.

Yes that is why the idea was to wait 6 months into the new role to TTC.

Plan at the moment is to stop at one, for a variety of reasons, including the fact that both DP and I are expats in a foreign country with no family around to help. That is not going to change, so I think one child is realistically what we can manage emotionally and logistically, given our circumstances.

Id say 36/38 is too old to wait to TTC if you really want children. If you aren’t to worried if it happens or not the maybe that’s different

Are you absolutely certain that's enough?

At my employer you need to be employed for two years as of expected date of birth to get the enhanced maternity pay.

I guess that is the thing. I was a fence sitter for a long time, and only decided I was open to children when I met DP. I was always the kind of woman who could be happy either way, and truthfully, I still feel that way deep down. A childless future does not scare me, even though it isn't what I have chosen for myself now.

I know that infertility can be really heartbreaking though, so perhaps I'd feel different if I started trying and was unsuccessful.

I am not sure, no. I am waiting to receive the conditions of employment, which will include maternity benefits. I did some research online (the employer is really big and lots of info is available online), and it looks like they cover parental leave after probation.

Sorry, don't mean to be picky...but leave and pay are two different things so just be careful as to the T&Cs of that.

I only mention it because I worked briefly in a HR liaison role at my Company a few years back and I lost count of the people who would mix them up. So confidently saying that work would provide them with x days leave for x reason in our policies (true, and leave for all sorts of things was generous) but the fact that this was agreed leave, with no explicit mention of pay (so unpaid by default) had gone right over their heads.

Definitely worth checking and checking again if you couldn't afford a mat leave on only statutory.

I would take the job and then shorten whatever period I might otherwise have had on my head over when I might look towards IVF if I really wanted a baby. So if that was 18 months you shorten to a year. Line up the maternity leave entitlement.

Review carefully your position re: the marriage advice for financial protection if you are heading for the C Suite unless your partner has an equivalent job/trajectory and assets!

Bingo on the marriage point. I earn roughly double my DP (who also earns well), and I have a lot more set aside in terms of savings and investments. I am not sure marriage would be so advantageous to me tbh. I appreciate that people get married for the commitment and the romantic side of it, but as things stand, I don't feel like it is for me.

I disagree with the majority. I think you should delay a few months just to start and give your job your all.

I think there will always be a career reason to wait. 6 months after you start you might feel like you’ve just properly got into the swing of it and are making progress and don’t want to pause that for a pregnancy. After that there will be important projects on the horizon, promotion opportunities, etc.
I’d take the job crack on with TTC.

I would look at the contractual maternity pay rights and take it from there.

In your circumstances I would wait to TTC, if the tests are normal it is highly likely you’ll still be able to conceive in 12 months even if you need to go down IVF route ultimately. Given this is not ‘just a job’ I personally wouldn’t risk starting then announcing a pregnancy a few months later, at such a senior level it will look bad, that’s just the reality. With IVF most people without pre existing fertility problems can have children in their early 40s so I think you have a bit of time. Obviously nothing is guaranteed but based on what you’ve said about being able to accept a life without children I’d roll the dice. FWIW I was in a similar position to you and ended up having one at 42 and then another at 45 (despite saying I wouldn’t have more than one!)

If it’s a large enough employer for this kind of info to be on the internet, and without wishing to doubt your abilities (congratulations on the offer!): are you really heading to a C Suite spot? Setting down a path isn’t the same thing as being at the destination. A lot can happen. Are you okay with potentially giving up motherhood for a shot at the destination?

I think I’d answer differently if you were saying you had been offered the top-of-the-tree position you’re aiming for. Especially as you’ve been ambivalent about children (only becoming open to the idea when you meet the right person is completely normal). But right now you’re just at the starting block to join the race for that position. Well done for qualifying for the race, but when you’re weighing up whether to have children or not because of a job, I’m not sure the choice is this difficult. Yes many women are held back from top positions because of family commitments; even more women are held back from too
positions regardless of family commitments.

It is "the top-of-the-tree position" I could aim for. It is a very significant step up, both professionally and financially. It is a senior director role at a 100k employees company, with unique ownership of a very visible, very strategic bit of the business.

Truthfully, even if this role were the pinnacle of my career and I never got another promotion again, I'd be pretty content.

If this job is the pinnacle of your career aspirations: firstly congrats, secondly take it and TTC asap!! Why would you wait? You will just have to work it out, that’s the price women have to pay for men being unable to be pregnant. Your partner will have to step up to his equal or 50%+ parenting role once the baby is here, you might choose to not take your full maternity entitlement, or any other permutation. Whatever it is, you can make it work. You wouldn’t be the first!

You sound very excited at this promotion, and you should be. Well done. You are allowed to also be excited about having a baby - you can have both at the same time. It’s allowed. Having it all may become doing it all unless you get the dad to buy into your vision, which is crucial, but you have time for that. A supportive and collaborating partner who shares your vision is worth his weight in gold. You should be having this conversation with him, not MN.