Colleague so difficult to work with

[ApocalypseNowt]

I'm looking for a sense check and/or advice.

I work with someone who has the same roles as me but works in different teams - say we're coordinators and I work with teams A,B,C and she works with teams D,E,F. There is a fair amount of overlap in our roles where we need to communicate and work with each other as the teams don't work in silos

For example, if I look after finance and she looks after HR, they need to work on budgets, recruitment, projects or whatever together.

We've been told if she there's no space in diaries to set up a weekly steering group, etc that involve both our teams, we should communicate with each other to resolve. I do this with her, she will not with me. Has happened multiple times. Just crashes diaries, doesn't let me know - I find out when i'm doing other tasks.

If I send a request to her, she drags her feet, gives excuses and won't action it but requests from others get actioned straight away. I have to chase multiple times over weeks or even sometimes months to get anything done.

Sometimes I will message her asking a question or querying something that I need to know (so i can do my job) and she'll ignore me for a couple of days. I try and communicate via teams as i'm aware she really doesn't like f2f.

I have raised this very informally on a number of occasions and I know my manager has tried to do things but honestly, nothing has changed. I find myself thinking about it when i'm not at work which really isn't like me. I love my job otherwise and am usually good at not taking things home with me

Just wanted to get this out really and see if anyone had any advice.

Officially complain to your line manager, if she’s inhibiting you from doing your job then she’s got to be at least formally told to buck up, at worst she’s trying to make you look bad by not being able to complete your job.
good luck

Thank you. It's so weird because i'm usually very confident at work and don't have trouble with anyone. This colleague comes across as really shy, almost jumps if you talk to her but i'm starting to feel picked on.

I've started making notes of instances....tbh wish I'd done this long ago. I feel very nervous to make anything official though, I know I probably should at this point but it's still stressful.

If it affects KPIs - escalate every single time. Send invitations/requests with a reply date. If she doesn't reply by that date, resend and cc to her boss and your boss. If no reply escalate by asking your boss to get onto her boss.

If it doesn't affect KPIs - same. tbh. I have no time for idiots in the workplace and this would enrage me.

Yes I could definitely cc more. My boss is her boss though

Could you trial a weekly KiT with her? Also, commission work by email with clear deadlines in the header, then, if needed, cc your manager if you are forced to chase. I’m presuming you are meeting her commissions in a timely manner.

so be clever about it. Always put a time limit to your requests, then cc boss once that has expired. Ruthlessly.

Remind boss that she is being difficult and making it difficult for you to achieve team objectives.

Just a thought - are you sure you need to communicate with you as much as you think you do?

I only ask because I used to work in a similar set up as yours i.e. I was responsible for X teams and she was responsible for Y. But she used to insist on being kept informed, wanting joint teams meetings etc. and it used to drive me up the wall. I just wanted to limit it to telling each other stuff that directly impacted on our work, whereas she wanted to be “kept in the loop” just in case.

I lost count of the number of times I’d go to a meeting that was supposedly really important only to think it was an hour of my life I’d never get back!

Im not saying its the same for you , just encouraging you to check whether its really necessary.

Honestly love, this sounds exhausting and you're not being oversensitive. When informal chats haven't worked, it's time to protect yourself with a paper trail. Start documenting everything, send follow up emails after requests like "just confirming I sent X on this date, please let me know if you need anything from me to action it." If things still don't move, escalate formally to your manager with specific examples and dates, framing it as "this is impacting my ability to deliver for my teams." You've tried being reasonable, now be strategic.