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How do you get over a bad experience at work?

6 replies

WestEaste · 24/02/2026 13:45

I’m late 20s and had a good career so far, worked hard and was promoted a lot.

Then I had a horrid time in my last role, where I managed a team as a senior manager.

That role was terrible in every possible way, both my management and my direct reports had issues with each other, I was stuck in the middle and essentially made the scapegoat. Constantly tense, walking on eggshells environment, poor culture etc. I tried to power through but totally burnt out. For the first time, I suffered significant work related stress. The issues at work, were very serious and I explored going to an employment tribunal as various employment laws were broken. It was that bad.

I luckily managed to get a new job relatively quickly, I have been in new role for several
months. It is better paid than before too, and my career trajectory hasn’t stagnated as the work is good. But I just feel so different. I constantly feel defensive at work, wanting to put things in writing, frustrated when things are ambiguous (like I need to protect myself in case certain people backtrack later). I no longer feel fulfilled from work, sometimes I chronically overthink conversations after the fact etc. I suppose I lost my confidence and how I feel towards work.

Just wondering if anyone experienced similar, and was able to come out the other side feeling normal again.

OP posts:
newornotnew · 24/02/2026 13:49

If you are struggling to get over this bad experience, maybe it triggered something underlying or has affected you quite deeply in a way someone else wouldn't feel. That's not a weakness, just the unique combination of you and that situation.

One way to get over something is to unpack it more - and for that you might want support (therapist).

ETA: if it was possible tribunal level, it's not surprising it's taking time. The trouble with work is unlike a bad relationship, most people can't have a year off to recover before trying again!

user1471548941 · 24/02/2026 14:02

I left a terrible manager and culture and moved into a much better team 2 years ago. Ultimately it took me over a year to get over it! What really helped was being honest with my new manager over what I’d been through! He was very understanding and we talked through some of the ways it was impacting. It took time but we built up a really trusting relationship that really allowed me to build my confidence back and made me believe that not all managers are arseholes! Then when a really big project came along I was ready to say “I want that” and being able to really focus on what I am delivering for my organisation had reinforced it- my managers have confidence in me and need the outcome of my project- all the focus is on work and outcomes, rather than people and politics.

WestEaste · 24/02/2026 14:08

newornotnew · 24/02/2026 13:49

If you are struggling to get over this bad experience, maybe it triggered something underlying or has affected you quite deeply in a way someone else wouldn't feel. That's not a weakness, just the unique combination of you and that situation.

One way to get over something is to unpack it more - and for that you might want support (therapist).

ETA: if it was possible tribunal level, it's not surprising it's taking time. The trouble with work is unlike a bad relationship, most people can't have a year off to recover before trying again!

Edited

Oh yeah, I had loads of therapy about this. There’s still a live employment claim too so things haven’t totally resolved yet. Maybe once it’s “done”, I might feel I have the closure to
move on.

and yes exactly! It’s like, situations in current job remind me of my old job so it’s a bit of a cycle!

OP posts:
WestEaste · 24/02/2026 14:11

user1471548941 · 24/02/2026 14:02

I left a terrible manager and culture and moved into a much better team 2 years ago. Ultimately it took me over a year to get over it! What really helped was being honest with my new manager over what I’d been through! He was very understanding and we talked through some of the ways it was impacting. It took time but we built up a really trusting relationship that really allowed me to build my confidence back and made me believe that not all managers are arseholes! Then when a really big project came along I was ready to say “I want that” and being able to really focus on what I am delivering for my organisation had reinforced it- my managers have confidence in me and need the outcome of my project- all the focus is on work and outcomes, rather than people and politics.

Oh that’s amazing, sounds like you had a great manager!

If I’m being honest, I would not feel comfortable bringing this up to my new manager! He’s a director and I think it would raise more red flags to him than anything else. At the moment, I deliver what he asks so he doesn’t have an issue with me. But if I were to raise any concerns, or personal issues, I don’t think he would take it well!

OP posts:
newornotnew · 24/02/2026 14:17

WestEaste · 24/02/2026 14:08

Oh yeah, I had loads of therapy about this. There’s still a live employment claim too so things haven’t totally resolved yet. Maybe once it’s “done”, I might feel I have the closure to
move on.

and yes exactly! It’s like, situations in current job remind me of my old job so it’s a bit of a cycle!

Therapy during would be different to therapy after.
But if it isn't yet finished, you can't yet achieve closure.

Do you do self care, like journalling, meditation etc? Your stress levels can be brought down overall which should help. Read up on the nervous system.

Lamelie · 24/02/2026 16:23

Able Futures
is really fantastic, high quality and free

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