SAHM - Going Back To Work Come September.

[SoSalliecanwait]

Hi guys, I’m looking for some advice and a safe space to chat.

I’ve been a SAHM for the past 9 years and will be going back to work in September when my youngest starts school and I’m terrified.

I’ll be looking for something to work around school hours if possible, happy to do anything really. I didn’t have a career as such before the kids. But I was working full time from age 16 - 34, in stable jobs.

I’m really worried no one will want to hire me. My confidence has taken a knock since raising the kids.

Does anyone have any similar, positive stories about getting back to work after so long out?

Everyone I know has been much happier after starting back at work. Being a sahm grinds you down.

Are you wealthy as a family because if you need the money you're going to have more options on fun stuff or good things for the dc.

Find out about breakfast and after school clubs now and research holiday clubs in the area. I used all of these. Also your dh needs to do his share of pick ups drop offs sick days doctors appointments and holidays plus domestic stuff you currently pick up. It's got to be a real adjustment for him too. Don't be a mug and don't be the default parent.

Start looking now. The market is absolutely horrific and people without the best part of a decade out of the workplace are struggling to find jobs.

I don't have experience of taking a long career break, but I did completely change career at age 50, and within 3 years was up at senior grade in my job, so you're never too young to have a whole proper career if you want.

For my career change it was a case of "feel the fear and do it anyway" - I was a nervous wreck during the interview for my new job, don't know how I got through it.

Hopefully more people will come on who have a more similar experience to you, but ideas for jobs to look for that will work around school hours are
hotel cleaning - it's often 10-2 or 10-3, between people checking out/in, and Cafes/pubs where they get a rush over lunch, so again, it's often 10-2.

I would also not discount getting a normal 9-5 job and letting the kids go to after school club - I always did this, and never had any problems. It was definitely more cost-effective to do that than stick with low-paid jobs, and my kids loved going to their childminder. I'd especially look into this if you can get a job with some career progression.

I can appreciate the feeling happier, I think it’s just the thought of change after so long that’s giving me anxiety.

My DH is hands on and supportive and will pull his weight. He has an option of WFH half of the time since COVID so that will help. We are not wealthy.

I do feel I’ve lost my identity somewhat since being a SAHM but it was my choice and something that I wanted to do so I stand by it.

Its just daunting thinking about the change that’s coming.

You could look at working in a preschool or school nursery which has school hours, as opposed to a private day nursery which closes late. There is very high demand for early years practitioners though there are not so many pre schools as there are day nurseries. You can usually study whilst working and it's not very demanding. Pay is rubbish but the jobs exist.

@PrincessOfPreschool do you need any qualification for this? I don’t have any experience apart from looking after my own children ( 9,4 years)

It will be scary and hard for a few months but once you are settled and comfortable it will be one of the best things you did. I struggle with serious mental illness and have had gaps in employment but getting back out there and working (part time) is honestly the best thing I could of done for myself. The routine, being around other adults, confidence, the extra money . You gain so much from working.

I was dreading returning to work when my youngest started school.

Even worse was working out how much it would cost us for me to work in childcare (complicating factors with one child being ASD and can’t cope with afterschool clubs / holiday clubs)

in the end I retrained and took reception year to go back to university. I now work super part time self employed and work 2 evenings a week. I bring home similar to what I would working full time but factoring in childcare costs (yes those costs would come from a joint pot and not just be mine but as our wages are pooled it works out the same)

It works for us and I might look at working more hours once the children are older and don’t need holiday clubs etc.

@youalrighti know you are correct 100%

After doing it for so long, I the thought of going back to work has become somewhat of a phobia and I need to look at it in a different light.

I’m just scared no one’s going to want me and I won’t be able to do the job in hand.

But I am capable.

I went back full time last September after many years as a SAHM. It is so fabulous. I love it. Everyone says I seem so much happier - I am. I know it seems daunting, but having time to yourself, your own money, a place where you are just you, not someone else’s mum or wife, is amazing.

Try to forget the worry now - focus on getting the job. Then focus on getting childcare; then focus on getting work clothes etc. By taking it step by step, it is less overwhelming. I became obsessed with what I would wear. I now realize it was my way of coping with the anxiety over how will I ever manage a job after so many years at home. You will manage - it is a much more predictable routine than with kids so it is definitely less stressful.

Good luck.

Be prepared for it to take awhile for you to find a job. School hours is a bit of a golden nugget and you haven't worked in a decade.

All of my very qualified friends who went back after a few years of being SAHM went into things like playgroup helpers or school dinner ladies. Nothing wrong with those jobs but they expected to step right back on the 'career ladder' and it just wasn't that easy.

@Happymchappyface would love to know what you do! Please would you PM me?

Massive thank you to everyone who’s replied. You’ve all given sound advice.

I went to bed worrying about this last night until I fell to sleep but your messages have helped and I need to turn this around by looking at it in a different light.

Cold you consider working for yourself. Training in massage therapy, or lashes, nails etc that way you can choose your hours?

I would start putting your CV together now. And then you have time to think about how best to present it to show yourself really positively. Perhaps you could start some voluntary work sooner, to ease yourself back in and it would also give you an up to date reference. Libraries, hospitals, hospices, animal rescues, community farms and theatres often need volunteers.

Contact the national careers service- get some advice now. Look at updating your skills- loads of free on line short courses to update computer skills etc.
look at your local college for short courses.
consider volunteering as a way into work.

There are very few school hours jobs around and competition for them is high - so I’d suggest considering jobs where you might need some wrap around childcare as well. Or evening/ weekend work where your husband can have the kids.

National Careers Service would be a good start to look at your skill set and what jobs are out there.

Look at the cost and availability of wrap around care for school days to work out the costings for that in case you cannot get school hours.

Also consider how you are going to cover the 13 weeks school holidays with annual leave, unpaid parental leave, holiday clubs (some only run 9-3) and how you will navigate sick days for your children between you and your Dh.

Sadly school hours only work and term time only are incredibly sort after jobs so this may be hard to start with. Look at volunteering to get some skills and to gain a recent reference as your previous references will be old.

You're going to do great! When im worried about getting rejected or getting something wrong, I try and go in with the kind that its just practice. So you put in 10 job applications but dont get any of them - thats fine, its good practice. You go to an interview but dont get the job. Thats great, thats interview practice ready for the job that you will get. It might not work for everyone but its definitely worked for me. Wishing you the best of luck in all your practice and the real thing when you get there! Also worth remembering that if you start applying during the summer, lots of places wont advertise until September when the school holidays are over, so you might see an uptick in things then.

@SoSalliecanwait I did this in 2003 after 7 years at home. I got dd settled into reception first and then applied to do invigilating at a local college. It got my foot in the door and I had good references from the exams team when an 18hpw job was advertised.

Before the interview, which I knew would have a task, I practiced mail merge in word and sorting data in excel. I got the job.

The pay was very low compared to what I earnt previously and I started back at the very bottom, in a new field, which I had already identified as a good route to a second career as I had no degree and no professional quals. There were many times I had to bite my tongue hard.

I had to do ot in my "own" because DH is a workaholic (surgeon/pilot genre) and unable to pick up any slack. Personally I found working part-time very hard - you don't feel able to subcontract as much as you shoukd because you are only part-time. Drop DC to school at 8.45 and 8.55, dash to work for 9.15 - 2pm, dash home and empty dw, w machine, quick tidy, dash to school for 3.45; brownies, swimming, tennis, etc., and teas, cook tea, homework, chill, baths, bed, get everything ready for the morning, dinner fkr DH, shower, bed, rinse and repeat.

After two years I got a promotion which meant full-time and we got an au-pair. Full time was much easier but after paying the au-pair, I broke even. The following year, they paid for my professional quals, college 2 to 8pm one night a week but I had to make up my hours and there was the equivalent of about an additional six hours of study per week. But I did it, how I shall never know. For my 50th, DH paid for me to do a p/t masters based on my dissertation.

7/8 years later I was deputy head of service, then head, then director.

It has been hard work but I don't regret a minute of it and I think it made our marriage stronger because it moved me out of mum mode.

DH was suppprtive emptionally and intellectually but not practically but that was just the way it was and when I went back to work his earnings were multiples of mine.

I'm 65 now and planning to retire soon. The greatest impact had been on my pension.

Good luck. It can be done.

You won't get anywhere looking for a school hours job to start with. Sort out some childcare, make sure your husband steps up and look for a job with full days, at least 3 days a week to start. School hours jobs pay very poorly, have little career progression and you won't get them coming in with no experience. Has your husband been paying into a pension for you while you were a SAHM?

I did this after 9 years as a SAHM. I didn't find a school hours job, but I did work part time (3 days a week) so I could pick my DC up from school 2 days a week (they went to breakfast club and after school club on my working days). Now they're at secondary school and I'm working full time.

I totally understand your feelings as I was very nervous at first. But it turned out to be a positive thing for me. I enjoyed being a SAHM, but I feel really happy and fulfilled as a working mum.

Good luck OP!

What sort of education do you have? I think I would start with retraining.

I saw an advert today for someone who retrained in to accountancy and now runs their own business. If you could work for yourself you can be more flexible.

Use time now to upskill abit, so excel, share point, teams, zoom etc so that you feel a vit more confident. There are loads of free courses and stuff on YouTube. Look now and see what skills employers are looking for and if you might need to work on any. You will feel much more confident if you feel prepared.

You can train on the job and work whilst doing it. It's not too time consuming, very doable.