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Need female view - WWUD?

21 replies

Donury236 · 17/02/2026 12:07

I am looking for anothers female take on this - even better if you are HR type! As I am trying to be impartial, but also actually concerned as it would really ruin our lives basically.

My partner works in a small firm. In the last yr they have a new employee (Female). Before that it was just the 4 of them (3 male + Owners wife).
She is also recently taken on as a director of the company - so she is sort of their boss.

Basically OH has said that he is really concerned that she is trying to get them into trouble. And obviously all accusations she makes HAVE to be taken at face value and investigated as per workplace policy/the law.

She made claims against OH colleague about untoward behavior, however she was unaware that this was actually witnessed by the cleaner - who confirmed that she was not being truthful.
The company owner basically forced colleague and this director to go to counselling with the vicar from the local church (all kinds of inappropriate tbh), where she made accusations and colleague again managed to disprove them.

She is constantly making out that OH and colleague are being inappropriate to her - not so much sexually, just that they are dismissive/don't believe in her abilities or authority, and it is always because she is female, not because she is wrong/her behaviour etc.

OH tries to not talk to her now unless completely necessary as she has been trying to manipulate him on numerous occasions - she will be all sweet and like infantilizes herself and then if he disagrees with her she completely loses it - has had actual stampy foot tantrums (she is mid 30s!).

The latest is that she is saying the colleague used an inappropriate term towards her. Now I cannot see how this term would come up at all in an engineering based conversation. Also it would be so out of character for the guy, and also, she is gay - they both know this - and the term is something that you would maybe use to try and smooze/seduce a female - so it wouldn't work!

It is now to the point that neither OH or the the other guy want to be alone with her - it is a small office in a rolelr door unit - so not even visible from outside - nae windows at all!
Even more worrying is that OH might have to go away on business with her to a foreign country - where if she did accuse him he would be in serious, serious trouble.
They are actually debating asking to have CCTV on and recording in the office at all times as they feel she is trying to pin an allegation of sexual misconduct on either of them - and they say its their word against hers, but of course they would be at a disadvantage.

I feel like a gender traitor being concerned for them over her. But I KNOW them. They have worked with a few other females there with 0 issues. Even the owners wife thinks she is up to something, but the owner doesn't see it.

Its actually causing my OH to have massive anxiety attacks as he is so scared of losing his job if she really comes up with something convincing against him. As an accusation of SA or inappropriate conduct would literally ruin his career. He is trying to WFH as much as he can to avoid actually being around her - If he has to go in to manual stuff she cannot do (HSE lifting limits) they will make sure that the roller door is up so everyone can see in the shed.

The boss's wife has even tried to make sure she is in when they are so that there is a witness - but she cant be there all the time.

I've had him crying and hyperventilating on the days he has had to go in. It's insane.

I have said that he NEEDS to go to the doctor and have it noted as to WHY he has this anxiety. They did have a medical in relation to a past project (oh sort of hurt himself when on it so was to cover back), and he mentioned this but its just in the report in passing.

Does anyone have any advise??? (Other than leave as we are working on that but if that cant happen soon)

OP posts:
Naws · 17/02/2026 12:14

It's a difficult one.

The only thing you know for certain is that the cleaner's take is that she wasn't being truthful.

That doesn't mean she made up absolutely everything else in such minute detail.

But having said that, I think the CCTV is a good idea and that your DH should not travel with her alone.

Is he in a union? I'm going to guess the answer is no because most MNetters and their families aren't for some reason.

Harrietsaunt · 17/02/2026 12:18

Definitely he can’t go away with her. He should raise a formal grievance and take it from there.

BillieWiper · 17/02/2026 12:18

Why are you so involved in your partners work life. Tell him to stop going on about his colleagues as you don't know them and don't care. How boring to have to listen to him moaning about work.

Just change the subject every time he mentions her or colleague related gossip. I mean you'd think he fancies her or something as she's on his mind constantly.

Moen · 17/02/2026 12:21

BillieWiper · 17/02/2026 12:18

Why are you so involved in your partners work life. Tell him to stop going on about his colleagues as you don't know them and don't care. How boring to have to listen to him moaning about work.

Just change the subject every time he mentions her or colleague related gossip. I mean you'd think he fancies her or something as she's on his mind constantly.

What a weird response. Good, supportive partners generally help their other halves in times of upset and stress.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 17/02/2026 12:22

Where is the boss and wife in all this?

Your husband should clearly state he wont travel abroad with her.
I worked with a guy who was a lunatic (massive compant) and said similar thry cant make him

Ideally he and his coworker go together- ask why dhe was kept on / not disciplined after the BS claims against the other guy?
I think cctv is a very fair ask following this incident.

And if nothing comes of itaybe a second convo of its "Her or Us" type thing.

Separately he needs to do his CV and consider getting out especially if they want to keep her on. This won't get better i wouldnt say and its fraying his nerves

NewYearNewMee · 17/02/2026 12:22

BillieWiper · 17/02/2026 12:18

Why are you so involved in your partners work life. Tell him to stop going on about his colleagues as you don't know them and don't care. How boring to have to listen to him moaning about work.

Just change the subject every time he mentions her or colleague related gossip. I mean you'd think he fancies her or something as she's on his mind constantly.

Eh? Her partner is having panic attacks about going to work from the sound of it, why on earth would she be so dismissive of this?

OP this all sounds ridiculous - do you know why the owner isn’t taking the issues raised by the staff about her seriously? It’s weird that he’s made them go to counselling with the local vicar, that’s so far outside of proper practice at work I’m in shock!

Eyesopenwideawake · 17/02/2026 12:28

All sorts of wrong here. Your partner should look into the parameters of constructive dismissal, especially as the owner's wife is well aware of the issue.

FuckKnowsMatee · 17/02/2026 12:28

BillieWiper · 17/02/2026 12:18

Why are you so involved in your partners work life. Tell him to stop going on about his colleagues as you don't know them and don't care. How boring to have to listen to him moaning about work.

Just change the subject every time he mentions her or colleague related gossip. I mean you'd think he fancies her or something as she's on his mind constantly.

One of the most bizarre responses I’ve read on Mumsnet in a long time.

BillieWiper · 17/02/2026 12:29

Moen · 17/02/2026 12:21

What a weird response. Good, supportive partners generally help their other halves in times of upset and stress.

Sorry but I wouldn't be that deeply involved in anyone else's work life. And I wouldn't constantly complain about my colleagues to my partner either.

Moen · 17/02/2026 12:30

BillieWiper · 17/02/2026 12:29

Sorry but I wouldn't be that deeply involved in anyone else's work life. And I wouldn't constantly complain about my colleagues to my partner either.

Edited

So if your partner was coming home and having panic attacks about a situation at work, you wouldn’t listen and try and help?

I find that very strange.

Naws · 17/02/2026 12:34

Moen · 17/02/2026 12:30

So if your partner was coming home and having panic attacks about a situation at work, you wouldn’t listen and try and help?

I find that very strange.

I find it strange too.

If someone posted in relationships that their DP treated them that way when they're going through something so stressful they were actually having panic attacks, their DP would be called all the nasty, uncaring shits under the sun.

And quite rightly too.

OneRealOpalHelper · 17/02/2026 12:38

Donury236 · 17/02/2026 12:07

I am looking for anothers female take on this - even better if you are HR type! As I am trying to be impartial, but also actually concerned as it would really ruin our lives basically.

My partner works in a small firm. In the last yr they have a new employee (Female). Before that it was just the 4 of them (3 male + Owners wife).
She is also recently taken on as a director of the company - so she is sort of their boss.

Basically OH has said that he is really concerned that she is trying to get them into trouble. And obviously all accusations she makes HAVE to be taken at face value and investigated as per workplace policy/the law.

She made claims against OH colleague about untoward behavior, however she was unaware that this was actually witnessed by the cleaner - who confirmed that she was not being truthful.
The company owner basically forced colleague and this director to go to counselling with the vicar from the local church (all kinds of inappropriate tbh), where she made accusations and colleague again managed to disprove them.

She is constantly making out that OH and colleague are being inappropriate to her - not so much sexually, just that they are dismissive/don't believe in her abilities or authority, and it is always because she is female, not because she is wrong/her behaviour etc.

OH tries to not talk to her now unless completely necessary as she has been trying to manipulate him on numerous occasions - she will be all sweet and like infantilizes herself and then if he disagrees with her she completely loses it - has had actual stampy foot tantrums (she is mid 30s!).

The latest is that she is saying the colleague used an inappropriate term towards her. Now I cannot see how this term would come up at all in an engineering based conversation. Also it would be so out of character for the guy, and also, she is gay - they both know this - and the term is something that you would maybe use to try and smooze/seduce a female - so it wouldn't work!

It is now to the point that neither OH or the the other guy want to be alone with her - it is a small office in a rolelr door unit - so not even visible from outside - nae windows at all!
Even more worrying is that OH might have to go away on business with her to a foreign country - where if she did accuse him he would be in serious, serious trouble.
They are actually debating asking to have CCTV on and recording in the office at all times as they feel she is trying to pin an allegation of sexual misconduct on either of them - and they say its their word against hers, but of course they would be at a disadvantage.

I feel like a gender traitor being concerned for them over her. But I KNOW them. They have worked with a few other females there with 0 issues. Even the owners wife thinks she is up to something, but the owner doesn't see it.

Its actually causing my OH to have massive anxiety attacks as he is so scared of losing his job if she really comes up with something convincing against him. As an accusation of SA or inappropriate conduct would literally ruin his career. He is trying to WFH as much as he can to avoid actually being around her - If he has to go in to manual stuff she cannot do (HSE lifting limits) they will make sure that the roller door is up so everyone can see in the shed.

The boss's wife has even tried to make sure she is in when they are so that there is a witness - but she cant be there all the time.

I've had him crying and hyperventilating on the days he has had to go in. It's insane.

I have said that he NEEDS to go to the doctor and have it noted as to WHY he has this anxiety. They did have a medical in relation to a past project (oh sort of hurt himself when on it so was to cover back), and he mentioned this but its just in the report in passing.

Does anyone have any advise??? (Other than leave as we are working on that but if that cant happen soon)

If she is from certain feminist society maybe do those things against a man,although they aren't all like that

Donury236 · 17/02/2026 12:40

NewYearNewMee · 17/02/2026 12:22

Eh? Her partner is having panic attacks about going to work from the sound of it, why on earth would she be so dismissive of this?

OP this all sounds ridiculous - do you know why the owner isn’t taking the issues raised by the staff about her seriously? It’s weird that he’s made them go to counselling with the local vicar, that’s so far outside of proper practice at work I’m in shock!

I know, I would think so to if someone was explaining it to me.

The owner is a bit, I am not sure the right word - eccentric? They way my partner explained it is as if the owner was basically saying that he also doesn't believe the accusations, but as per procedure he has to raise it as an issue.

My OH honesty thought that she must have something over him to have taken her on then in like 5 months made her a director (like if he dies she is in charge!). She is like 2/3 years out of Uni - NO management experience either. The owners wife really doesn't like nor trust her. Its such a weird situation that I just cant get my head around it tbh.

The colleague is also from a different country and here on a graduate visa - so no job = has to leave. And of course, you cant just fire someone - you have that disciplinary ladder to go through to make sure its all legal etc. #
They did have an ops manager that tried this stunt with a previous employee till it was called out.

Also, what is equally bizarre is that the owner himself is a bit of a letch! He goes to this outdoor exercise class midday that is 95% females. Then he comes back and talks about the lovely ladies he has seen - then he tries to engage the colleague in sexist banter!

Reading back what I types it honestly plays in my head like a crappy Little Britain episode and I can see how utters ridiculous this all sounds, and how bonkers his colleagues are.

I saw someone else comment that obviously I don't know for sure other accusations aren't true - but I do when it comes to my OH as well...if he was going to cheat on me it wouldn't be with a woman. (Just to sprinkle a little bit more weird on top of this!).

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 17/02/2026 12:52

Oh, OK. Owner is shagging her. Simples.

Megifer · 17/02/2026 13:05

Yea owner is shagging her imo.

Has anyone had a look online to see if she is a career claimant?

FamBae · 17/02/2026 13:10

I would advise him to get in touch with ACAS.

Gilo2024 · 17/02/2026 13:10

New job!

Oblivionnnnn · 17/02/2026 13:12

BillieWiper · 17/02/2026 12:18

Why are you so involved in your partners work life. Tell him to stop going on about his colleagues as you don't know them and don't care. How boring to have to listen to him moaning about work.

Just change the subject every time he mentions her or colleague related gossip. I mean you'd think he fancies her or something as she's on his mind constantly.

Oh god shurrrruppppp

VoiceFromThePit · 17/02/2026 13:13

She’s a fruitcake man-hater, plenty of them about, very nasty.

CCTV a very good idea, also all meetings need to be with more than one person so there is always a witness.

Suggest DH looks for another job, in fact he should probably tell his boss (the owner) that he is looking for a new job because of her.

Ohlaydownandlaugh · 17/02/2026 13:43

This sounds awful. Your OH needs to have a conversation with his boss, and outline his concerns and where possible, propose solutions that are neutral, objectively in place to protect both parties - that's easier for the boss to agree to and hard to deny, eg recordings of meetings to take AI notes, install cctv etc

He needs to document everything. Everything - concerns, conversations, words used etc. This might be useful in his defence, or in a tribunal claim. But in the least it will definitely help your OH look at things objectively, which can help with anxiety as he'll not be doubting his recollection, or phrases used etc.

Regarding the trip aboard he should either not go or propose a plan that avoids them being alone together.
Ultimately he needs to ensure the boss understands the seriousness of it from you OH 's perspective, to see if he'll do anything.

He should start looking for another job because it sounds like the boss already knows but doesn't 'get it' or doesn't care.

Constructive dismissal is harder to claim and win than people think. You need to demonstrate what steps you took and that the employer reasonably knew and allowed the situation, so you can prove that the bosses action or inaction gave the employee no choice but to leave. Being unhappy, even miserably so, doesn't equate to constructive dismissal.

Realistically this is unlikely to work out well, so effort should go into the escape plan, rather than the workplace drama.

Donury236 · 17/02/2026 13:59

Megifer · 17/02/2026 13:05

Yea owner is shagging her imo.

Has anyone had a look online to see if she is a career claimant?

I have tried to find more of a background. I am not looking at their linkedin as they will see that. But other than that, 2 or 3 mentions from uni and a past employer.

OP posts:
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