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Appearing weak in front of new boss

5 replies

madamedesevigne · 16/02/2026 12:19

I started a new job just over a month ago. A few days in, my partner was diagnosed with cancer which has spread (we don’t know how much yet or what the prognosis is going to be.) He was in hospital all last week after undergoing an operation. I visited him every day after work. My boss has been very understanding of my situation and has let me work from home on days when he has hospital appointments.

On Friday afternoon, it became apparent that I had somehow made a mistake about two to three weeks ago (sent the wrong forms on an email, I still don’t understand how this happened.) I had a senior member of staff speak to me angrily on the phone. I went straight to my boss, who was very kind and understanding, and I worked out a plan to mitigate the situation. I felt shaky throughout, but just as I had the situation under control, my boss said very gently, “Don’t forget, you have been dealing with an awful lot this week” and then the floodgates opened, I burst into tears. She was so lovely and even got me some chocolate cos I hadn’t eaten. Then as luck would have it, I then got a call from the hospital to come and collect my partner as he was being discharged.

Even though my boss has been really kind (she’s asked if I want to check in later today) I feel wary of accepting the help because I don’t want to be seen as weak and as if I can’t be trusted when I’ve only been there just over a month. I feel a bit sick that I’ve already cried at my desk, to be honest. Can anyone else relate or does anyone have any useful advice?

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 16/02/2026 12:47

Your boss is human and sounds like a decent person. You have been through a lot, I think a lot of people wouldn’t even be in work in your situation.
I’m sure the senior person would have toned it down if they knew the full situation, and if they do know they’re a dick.
Take the help from your manager, this does not make you weak

redboxerclub · 16/02/2026 15:04

Some times you just need to give yourself a break. I had an awful year too and took some time off - a week and a couple of odd days or hours , not months - and was finding life very tough. And and then when I was over the last crises I had an unrelated bereavement. I emailed and said I’m so sorry I’ve just had the most terrible years. I will have to come in and work some additional hours to
make up for lost time as a it’s the only thing o can do in recognition of your goodwill and please can I go to the funeral. They were so lovely and said it was kind of me to offer but wasn’t necessary, these things happen and of course I can go to the funeral.

can you word a suitable phrased email to the idiot who made you cry. I didn’t think to
much I was just raw and honest. Start off light and jovial and then get gravely serious.

I’m so sorry senior manger that I put it in the wrong forms! J have not had a good few weeks.
We have had terrible news in the that DH …. and has been in hospital…

Ice made a note of the correct form so I apologise for any inconvenience but ask
for your understanding at this very difficult time.

he’s a prick btw - who shouts a new employee.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 16/02/2026 15:07

It’s nice and compassionate of your boss to be so understanding.

Agree with email to prat who made you cry. Who even does this especially to a new starter? Wanker.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 16/02/2026 15:08

user2848502016 · 16/02/2026 12:47

Your boss is human and sounds like a decent person. You have been through a lot, I think a lot of people wouldn’t even be in work in your situation.
I’m sure the senior person would have toned it down if they knew the full situation, and if they do know they’re a dick.
Take the help from your manager, this does not make you weak

Human and a decent person should be qualities in every boss. And colleague.

madamedesevigne · 16/02/2026 15:11

Thank you all so much for your kind and considerate replies, I really appreciate it. The senior colleague who spoke to me angrily knows about my partner’s diagnosis but not that he spent last week in hospital. To be fair, they did come and see me in person later that day and was much more conciliatory so I think the matter is closed and I just need to move on from it now.

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