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Returning after maternity options

6 replies

2026plans · 07/02/2026 09:39

I work full time for the NHS and I am pregnant. I need some advice about returning to work after maternity leave or not. This is a long one so thank you if you do read through!

My situation is -
Job is underpaid (band 2) and I am over worked with a manager who doesn’t leave me alone. I am really struggling to see how I can last this next few months having to deal with her let alone return after maternity leave. She is micromanaging everything I do and has now moved into my office due to a change in clinic layout, so there is no respite and I am finding sitting with her for 8 hours a day unbearable. The rest of our team feel the same but they are clinical so they get a break away from her whereas I am admin and I don’t as I am always in one place. I have spoken to my boss many times about the issues but nothing changes. It is her personality so in a way she can’t change… not something I am willing to put up with as she irritates me constantly. My plan was to leave a long time ago but between trying to conceive for so long and then becoming pregnant it then meant I couldn’t leave.

I have been looking at nurseries near me and I would need two sessions a day that cover 10.5 hours, although I only work 8 hours I will have to pay for 10.5. I can’t stand the thought of leaving my little baby for so long with strangers to go and work in this toxic environment, funding would equal about 21 hours a week out of this but there are costs on top to take into account so I am not sure how much money I would be left with per month. None of it seems worth it to hand her over to strangers for so many hours per day in my opinion. Husband is happy with whatever I decide to do and he will support us.

I have a couple of plans which I will list below, I wanted advice on which to choose? I am required to tell them my decision and date of maternity start/finish next week.

  1. I go along with the usual return plan and don’t say anything. This would include my colleagues, manager and boss all keeping in touch with me and wanting updates on if the baby has come and when I will be returning and KIT days etc. this is really putting me off (especially if I know I am not returning). My other colleagues are lovely my problem is my manager (not boss), keeping in touch. I really really dislike her and the thought of having to reply to her around the due date/labour to update her or during mat leave is annoying me already. I’ve seen her texting other colleagues in our group chat asking for updates literally on their due date. Which would make me feel pressured to reply when to be honest she would be the last person on my list I would think to update.
  2. I tell my boss that I am not returning and just pay me SMP, and I tell her the reason is because of the clinic manager. All of my colleagues and manager would question me about my choice which could be really awkward for me over the next few months I have left. They would ask me why I am leaving work and them all of their opinions would be given, that’s one thing about being pregnant I have noticed, everyone thinks they are entitled to give you their opinion on everything.
  3. I say I want to return but tell my boss now that I would require a change in hours and days, which I would need confirmation of now in order to secure a nursery space. I know they can’t do this so it leaves me with no option but to wait until the last few months and put in a flexible working request and if it is approved which I doubt as we have discussed part time before and she said this wouldn’t work. I will then have to scramble around trying to find her a suitable nursery that still has space. This also means going back and working with evil manager which I am not prepared to do anyway so all of the above points are useless.
  4. I pretend I am returning (full time) and apply for other NHS part time jobs in the last 3 months before I am due to return. Hopefully secure a new role and hand my 1 month notice in. As long as it is a permanent role I won’t have to pay back the enhanced maternity portion. This will give me some independence away from being a Mum and will allow me to still pay into my pension and keep my foot in the work door. The only issue with this option is having to pretend and keep in contact knowing full well I have no intention of returning. If I am unable to secure a new NHS role before my return date I will have to hand my notice in, and pay back the enhanced maternity portion of pay. I will obviously still apply for part time roles but it will cost me thousands of pounds to pay back. I have 15 months to return to a permanent NHS role from the date I go on mat leave, then I don’t have to pay anything back.
  5. Tell boss I am not returning but don’t say anything about my reasons. Claim SMP and act all friendly with everyone and then leave. Yes there would be questions but I could just say I want to stay at home a bit longer with the baby. I would lose 1.5 months of paid annual leave, plus no job at the end.
  6. Tell boss I will be returning to the NHS but not this role. She will want to know why and I don’t know how this would affect my pay… I would still be employed there in a way, so I don’t even think this is an option as they would still keep in touch and then when would I hand my notice in? This option seems confusing and I can’t find anything in the policy to support this.
OP posts:
AwkwardPaws27 · 07/02/2026 13:47

Option 4 but the enhanced pay minus what you'd get on SMP straight into a separate bank account so, if you do not find a role in time, there's no scramble to pay it back.
If you do find a suitable/workable NHS role, then you have that bonus sum (& keep your other NHS benefits such as pension etc whilst escaping nasty manager!).

Spacecowboys · 07/02/2026 13:53

Just give your maternity leave dates to your manager. Start and end. Secure another job in the nhs for when you are due to return and then hand your notice in to your manager. Say you won't be doing kit days. These are not a requirement.

doglover90 · 07/02/2026 13:56

'None of it seems worth it to hand her over to strangers for so many hours per day' - I'm sorry you are going through such a stressful time with your job but the subtle judgement towards people who do use nurseries because they have to work full time is not great.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/02/2026 13:56

Option 4 and don't take or save the enhanced Mat Pay.

I'd leave group chats and say you're having a complete break and will let X know when the baby is born.

2026plans · 07/02/2026 14:04

@doglover90 I think you have misunderstood. If the job brought me some joy, some more money, or a possibility of career progression then it might be different. I earn £24,000 per year and I am unhappy there. I unfortunately haven’t worked or studied for years to build a career, if I had then I may have gone back to work because it would be worth it (for me). That is my opinion for my particular situation, not yours or others. If I didn’t have a husband I wouldn’t be able to survive as most of that £24,000 would go to child care so I would be claiming top up benefits. Don’t judge me because this world doesn’t work for mothers at all. No mother should be forced to put their 9 month old in nursery full time. Some people don’t have a choice but I do have a choice and as you can see from my post I am feeling a bit guilty about stopping work, I am trying to work out what decision is best for my family. We are completely alone here with no family on either side to help out. I am still on the fence with each option I presented and have not made my mind up yet.

OP posts:
2026plans · 07/02/2026 14:10

You could easily turn it around and say that working Mums who choose to return are judging stay at home Mums. Logical people know this is ridiculous no one is judging anyone especially not me. I have friends and family with a mixture of working and non working Mums. Everyone’s individual circumstances are different. Also sometimes people don’t want to come on here and ask for advice because people like you jump on them for no reason.

OP posts:
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