The work wife work husband trend is lame and the fact that it’s normalised is even lamer.

[joseline]

I am not married but I am around lots of married people at my current job and I’ve been around lots of married people at my last jobs.

those married people are always touchy feely and way too friendly with their coworkers.

it’s specially common with married women. Married women being all sweet and sappy with their male coworkers and even go on coffee dates.

me on the other end, I don’t know for sure but people could possibly describe me as the work place bitch. I don’t talk to anyone and when I do, I only talk about the tasks at hand and don’t interact with coworkers (specially men) outside of brief good mornings and have a good evening take care.

I am not rude to anyone but I am not friendly at all.

when did having a work wife or work husband normalised ?

I’ve never heard of the terms work wife and work husband. It is, however, quite normal to be friends with people at work, including those of the opposite sex. That includes going for coffee, going to the pub, the theatre, the cinema, etc, etc - things that friends do.

I agree that the term work wife/husband is grim but I disagree about everything else you've said.

I spend a good percentage of my life at work. It would be a miserable existence if I acted like you describe.

People are allowed friendships.

I thought work husband and wife are really old fashioned terms tbh.

Nothing else in your post I recognise from anywhere I've worked

Many have friends for a long time outside of work.

It’s a term I’ve heard in the real world for decades but there’s clear blue water between inappropriate office relationships and being as standoffish and rude as you choose to be. Loads of people have meaningful work friendships - yes including meeting for coffee - and that can make working much more enjoyable. Do you not like anyone you work with?

In my industry, networking and relationship building is a very important part of the role and essential to career success. And that often includes going for ‘coffee dates’ with male colleagues and work contacts.

You spend at least half your waking hours at work - mine would have been long and sad if i couldn't talk about anything except the task in hand with colleagues. Work wife and work husband are awful terms but normalising having good relationships in work is healthy surely?

Yes, I have friendships both in and outside of work. Some cross over, some are strictly work.

Your previous messages it sounds like you think friendships at work are inappropriate. Why is that?

As I said, you spend a lot of time at work and with colleagues, why would you deny yourself human connections for what could be up to half of your life?

Sounds martyr -ish

I think it’s pretty lame not to be friendly with people at work. It takes more effort not to be friendly than it does to just speak to people normally. Why do you dislike them so much.

I’ve only heard the term work wife when it’s one woman talking about another woman she works with. My work is about 70% men so it would be a pretty sad experience (for me as I’m sociable) not to talk to anyone. I’ve made lots of friends at work, most I no longer work with, but still meet for drinks and have been to their wedding etc. I’d never use the terms work husband though, most people just say ‘friend’.

I’m on maternity leave currently but most of the people I worked with are men. I found it easy to chat and have a laugh with most of them. A couple got too friendly (they were looking for someone to have an affair with) but the man I liked chatting to the most was the same age as my Mum so that was very platonic and comfortable.
There was no work wives or husbands though because everyone knew each others actual wives and husbands so that would have been highly inappropriate.

“Coffee dates” you mean getting a coffee with a colleague? Why is it being called a date, because it’s a man and woman? I get coffee with my colleagues all the time, male and female, it’s not a date.

One of my closest friends was a guy I worked with in my 20s for a couple of years. We were both with the same partners we are now. I don’t think people said work wife / husband then and we certainly weren’t touchy feely with each other. I do think some people thought we would have made a good couple or that we had secret feelings for each other which simply wasn’t the case. It was also probably less of an issue because we were young and not married or even living with our partners at the time.

I can imagine it would be more icky if people, especially mature married people were being touchy feely. I’ve worked only for myself and alone for many years now and my husband works in an all make environment, I’ll have to ask him if he has a work husband 😂

1. You don’t need to be friendly with your work colleagues
2. it’s fine if other people want to be friendly with work colleagues.
3. the work wife thing is gross although I’ve never known or heard about it IRL.

i hope you are not mixing friendships with sexual or emotional disloyalty ? I mean go on coffee dates - something nefarious- or go for coffee together?

we ca be close friends with males and females even from the office. Hugging a friend is ok. Even an office friend. Having friend outside of your marriage is fine and beneficial.

why don’t you talk to your coworkers? Why especially not men? that’s so strange!
I mean I don’t expect you to like them all - but none?

There’s a huge difference between being friends and being a “work husband”

Office wife, office husband, office bitch. Do you live your whole life in a world of cliches, prejudices and judgements OP?

Being professional and quietly getting on with your job doesn't make anyone a bitch. What else is it that you do that makes you think people might consider you a bitch?

If this thread isn't 100% click bait I'll eat my hat.

All "those married people are always touchy feely and way too friendly with their coworkers." really? I'm married and not touchy feely with anyone from work...

Nor are the people I see at work - I think its you looking for things to support your idea

This. Corporate here too.

I have male colleagues who I'm friendly with but I've never thought of them as a "work husband"?!

In real life never seen or heard it but no idea why on earth it is a problem if everyone gets on why would this be an issue?

I dont get this 'I dont get it so it has to stop' neurotic thing

I don't know, obviously it's a bit of a twee term and like all things went through its day when it was novel and funny and now has become a bit tired and overused but I don't know that I'd yet say it's at the point where I think less of someone for using it in its proper context - which was originally meant to be for describing that peculiarly intense working relationship you can sometimes end up in with one particular person where you are paired up on a project or are so dependent on them to do your job that you end up spending more time with them than with your actual spouse - the person can be of either sex as the whole point was meant to be it's actually deeply unsexy as your whole bond is formed around work or work stress. It wasn't meant to be just some random from the office you may or may not work particularly closely with but you like chatting and going for coffee flirting with (maybe someone needs to invent a different cutesy term for that).

I've had a 'work husband' a few times before (not that I'd call them that to their face or to others), always a very odd thing and definitely not an emotional affair or precursor to an actual affair, just a quirk of how work falls out that you sometimes end up having to spend hours upon hours a day every day in the company of this person, when else does that ever happen outside your actual family. In one job I had we always did projects in pairs and with the same person, they were very irritatable about requests to change partners, so I was locked in with this one guy forever just like a marriage, we had to travel and stay away on some projects too so we'd be spending hours together in work then have to go stay in some shitty hotel or get a long train back together, you pretty much have to form a social bond with someone you spend that much time with otherwise it's just too awkward. Thankfully he was a nice enough guy and good at his job otherwise it would have been miserable, and I'm not naive enough to think that lots of the other pairs weren't shagging (I know for a fact some were). Not sure it's healthy or produces great work mind you to be too close or dependent, and that was a bad job in other ways too so I ditched it (and never spoke to my 'work husband' again!)...

Since when did being universally unfriendly become a badge of honour @joseline?

This. Plus, while I think calling women who are friends with a male colleague their ‘work wife’ is both repellently twee and fairly patriarchal and prescriptive (as though the only relationship possible between a man and a woman is marital), it’s perfectly possible just to be ordinarily friends with opposite-sex coworkers. Two of my closest friends are colleagues from former workplaces.

Eeeuuwww. A work wife or husband in my job would probably be a report to HR. I have no interest in hanging out with someone’s husband unless it’s work related or in a team social setting.

I’ve never really used the term, but did joke one of my colleagues was my work wife for a while and I have someone now who would probably fall into the category of work husband.

But in both cases it’s extremely platonic, they’re just the people I spend most working hours with, work the best with, can rely upon absolutely for anything work related, and the person I pick up the phone to for a work rant.

We go for a drink every now and again, sometimes coffee, sometimes alcoholic. We sometimes have lunch together. I can guarantee in both cases I would identify with there’s absolutely no intention of a more intimate relationship on any side. No one I’ve ever met would accuse me of being sweet and sappy… I’m more likely to be called scary 😂