Feel jealous of other colleagues friendships at work.

[DandyTaupeHiker]

I've been at my job for almost 3 years. Within those 3 years people I've been friendly with have come and gone. There are a few people in my team who are my age who will chat the odd time but they mostly speak to eachother as they sit next to one another. I can't help but feel jealous of their work friendship and feel left out of conversations when I'm having a bad day or busy work day.

How can I make more of an effort or try to get them to interact with me more? I try to start conversations on a daily basis but they always just continue off in their own group.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong. People tend to talk most to whoever they sit next to.

Have you tried chatting to colleagues as individuals rather than in a bigger group? That sometimes feels easier than trying to join a whole group conversation. Do you have anything in common with any of them that you could chat about? Or is there anything work related you could start with?

I prefer to keep my personal and professional life separate. I clock in to work and earn a pay check - not to make friends. I am friendly and cordial with colleagues and will go for team outings etc, but I think its important to keep boundaries. I do find some collegues that have really close bonds too and it used to bother me when I was in my 20's but not as much as I came into my 30's and now approaching 40, I realise I wouldn't want it! Don't let it bother you 🩷. If colleagues are actually making you feel like that but can't see it, they're tone deaf anyway and who would want to be friends with people like that.

Bluntly, you can’t. Who you work with is as arbitrary as who you share a bus shelter with, only it’s daily.

The people you got on well with have left, and the ones still in situ are not that interested in you. Always possibly some new recruits will arrive and be more your type.

It can feel disheartening to feel left out etc but if you are amicable at least that is a positive. It's hard to say without being in that situation if the people are cliquey but you could always try without over trying maybe something like sending an email out to the people sat near you or just mentioning "hey guys Happy Friday I've bought some biscuits" pop them on the end of your row and as people come and get them you can say a hello. Other than that I think as you see people individually when getting a coffee, walking round just do the usual "hello, how's your day going?" And just see what happens. Alternatively you could always send an email round e.g "just wondered if anyone is available to car share/ knows of XYZ" as sometimes that gets conversations and new friendships and interests going. If nothing comes of it you know you've put in some effort but not ott and maybe they are just not your people. Hope it all picks up for you.