Advice please, overthinking, stressed and in a mess.

Thesofathatwas · 2026-01-26T17:29:48+00:00

Anxious all the bloody time. Im not an anxious person so it’s quite the blow. Imposter syndrome is absolutely huge, standing over me constantly. Whatever I do I think that I’m crap, they all think I’m crap, I’m going to get found out and sacked for being so utterly shit. Can anyone relate and what can you advise I do to overcome this. It’s taking over my every thought day & night. Thank you

ArcticNinjas · 26/01/2026 17:48

I've just sent you a PM. I might be able to help 😉

Original poster

Thesofathatwas · 26/01/2026 17:58

Thanks for the link.
I was hoping for answers from people who have experienced and overcome this, a chat and sympathy.

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 26/01/2026 18:01

ArcticNinjas · 26/01/2026 17:48

I've just sent you a PM. I might be able to help 😉

Ick
if you have advice share it

I think a lot of people can go through this
can you pinpoint when this started? Did something go wromgor badly?
are you in a new role?

rubyslippers · 26/01/2026 18:02

Do you manage a team
had a 1-2-1 that’s highlighted anything?
if not, then you need to calm your racing thoughts and this catastrophising - easier said than done tho

LookingThroughGlass · 26/01/2026 18:06

Yes, I feel like this all the time and I don't really have answers. You just have to do the best you can - if you are working your hardest, no one can ask for more.

If you are brave you could ask your manager and peers for feedback. This has a double benefit in that if it's good, it might help your confidence, if there are things you can improve at least you will know what they are and can put in a development plan, and people will know you are seeking to develop in your role.

A question to ask is, is your job right for you? Is there something else you feel really confident about? If so, could you take steps towards something new? That is the approach I am taking because I don't think I will ever be confident doing what I do at the moment.

twig1234 · 26/01/2026 18:11

I am feeling the same in a new role. Def need some coping strategies

Original poster

Thesofathatwas · 26/01/2026 18:25

I don’t manage anyone. I’m not new to the job but new to the industry which is unstable.

Nothing mentioned in 1:1 but feel like I’m being set up for something coming, either a management plan or dismissal.
I’ve not done anything wrong, that I’m aware of but I am so anxious about making a mistake or saying the wrong thing I dare not open my mouth, check emails over and over and over before sending them and run over conversations over in my mind long after it has ended.

OP posts:

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/01/2026 18:31

Omg I'm currently having this due to other people's fuck ups but because they haven't been at work, it looks like it's me that fucked up. Ironically, it's ME who had tried to iron out the issues but since it was so late on Friday, I'd given up the will to live.
I have had 3 shitograms over the weekend. Anyway, this morning I spoke to my manager (who also was helping to resolve all the issues with me late on Friday night so knew the pain we went through) and his manager and she was so lovely about it all. Knows I'm not the root cause.

SO : the people who matter know you will be doing a good job. The people who just want to moan and bitch and gossip are the ones who are shit. People see it. People know. Dont worry.

Retiredbosslady · 26/01/2026 18:48

I'm a working class woman who became a CEO and suffered with imposter syndrome all the time. Things that helped me.

think about the best line manager you ever had. What did they do that made them great? If in doubt, do that. My best one knew all the staff's names, their partner and children's names and would ask about them. If you have a lousy memory, write it down. Diaries things like, Fiona's mum having op, and ask them how it went. Staff will forgive a lot of you if you are seen to care.
be honest about what you can do and when and always try to meet deadlines. If someone asks you to do something and it isn't vital to you, say yes Ok but I think it will be Friday before I can do this. If by Friday there has been an emergency and you can't do it, email them, say sorry but you are going to try to get that done on Monday.
communicate with your team, much more than you think necessary, about what's going on. People will accept a lot of they understand WHY.
an old boss of mine said he would stand outside the office at 8.59, think "Showtime!" and go in with a confident smile. This fake it til you make it approach worked for me.
congratulate people on their achievements, thank them for their contributions, commiserate with them for things that don't go well. Remember when they are doing things that they might be nervous about, wish them luck and ask afterwards how it went.
don't be afraid to say I don't know how to do something and ask for help. My team were always helping me out with tech and were flattered to be asked.
do spontaneous nice things. Donuts " because it's Wednesday", ice creams " because it's boiling hot in this office"

Just do your best and be kind to yourself and others. I think the feeling never goes away entirely, but you learn to live with it. And thinking that maybe you don't deserve to be here, makes you try harder every day and makes you better at your job than someone who thinks I deserve this.....

Original poster

Thesofathatwas · 26/01/2026 18:48

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/01/2026 18:31

Omg I'm currently having this due to other people's fuck ups but because they haven't been at work, it looks like it's me that fucked up. Ironically, it's ME who had tried to iron out the issues but since it was so late on Friday, I'd given up the will to live.
I have had 3 shitograms over the weekend. Anyway, this morning I spoke to my manager (who also was helping to resolve all the issues with me late on Friday night so knew the pain we went through) and his manager and she was so lovely about it all. Knows I'm not the root cause.

SO : the people who matter know you will be doing a good job. The people who just want to moan and bitch and gossip are the ones who are shit. People see it. People know. Dont worry.

Thank you, what a lovely post, you are so kind despite your own worries xx
I hope it all works out ok for you.

OP posts:

Theredjellybean · 26/01/2026 18:53

I've just accepted a new role ...the classic mumsnet " big" job....I already work for the organization 2 days a week but this is big jump.
I'm terrified and convinced I cannot do it... despite not actually applying...I was asked by board to " please take this role".
I have awful imposter syndrome... despite being a professional at top of game for several years now.
I spoke to my manager ( who is the CEO) he said " the only person in the whole organization that thinks you can't do this job is you ..now pull yourself together"
He is old skool and said it with a smile ..I'm remembering this every time the doubts creep in....

Theredjellybean · 26/01/2026 18:54

@Thesofathatwas ...you are the only person doubting you can do it ....so pull your best confident smile out, big girl pants on ..and pull yourself together 😉

keepingsanity · 26/01/2026 19:12

I’m living this at the moment! Super stressful and feel like I’m failing all the time…..had my half year review and was told I was doing great and was “one to watch” (in a good way!)

im self sabotaging and its really, really difficult not to.

the advice from pp about fake it till you make it is good advice. Be open about where you may need help and ask for feedback. Use AI to help you articulate how you ask for feedback with a positive spin.

CheshireSplat · 26/01/2026 19:15

How old are you? Anxiety and loss of confidence are common symptoms of perimenopause.

Original poster

Thesofathatwas · 26/01/2026 19:43

My colleagues are all extremely educated, intelligent and capable.. with ease it seems.
I fall way below any of that in terms of qualifications, intelligence and capability. I don’t know what any of them are talking about most of the time.
I try so hard but struggle to keep up with the things they expect of us, everything is SO fucking complicated.

OP posts:

DamsonIcecream · 26/01/2026 21:58

Retiredbosslady · 26/01/2026 18:48

I'm a working class woman who became a CEO and suffered with imposter syndrome all the time. Things that helped me.

think about the best line manager you ever had. What did they do that made them great? If in doubt, do that. My best one knew all the staff's names, their partner and children's names and would ask about them. If you have a lousy memory, write it down. Diaries things like, Fiona's mum having op, and ask them how it went. Staff will forgive a lot of you if you are seen to care.
be honest about what you can do and when and always try to meet deadlines. If someone asks you to do something and it isn't vital to you, say yes Ok but I think it will be Friday before I can do this. If by Friday there has been an emergency and you can't do it, email them, say sorry but you are going to try to get that done on Monday.
communicate with your team, much more than you think necessary, about what's going on. People will accept a lot of they understand WHY.
an old boss of mine said he would stand outside the office at 8.59, think "Showtime!" and go in with a confident smile. This fake it til you make it approach worked for me.
congratulate people on their achievements, thank them for their contributions, commiserate with them for things that don't go well. Remember when they are doing things that they might be nervous about, wish them luck and ask afterwards how it went.
don't be afraid to say I don't know how to do something and ask for help. My team were always helping me out with tech and were flattered to be asked.
do spontaneous nice things. Donuts " because it's Wednesday", ice creams " because it's boiling hot in this office"

Just do your best and be kind to yourself and others. I think the feeling never goes away entirely, but you learn to live with it. And thinking that maybe you don't deserve to be here, makes you try harder every day and makes you better at your job than someone who thinks I deserve this.....

This is such brilliant advice x

Aaaaaaaaawwwwwww · 27/01/2026 07:20

I am in the midst of a dark spell with the overwhelm and confidence, to the point where I’m considering jacking it all in, so more here for solidarity.

Lots of people feel like this, more than you think. Also, trying to keep perspective is the thing that helps me when I’m obsessing at 3 in the morning!

Minniliscious · 27/01/2026 07:29

OP, I could’ve written your post. I work with colleagues that are much more highly qualified than me - they also have degrees coming out of their arses! I feel nervous each time I log on and suffer severe anxiety over work.

It doesn’t help that there’s one particular colleague that finds fault with absolutely everything that I do. I hate it when she asks for anything or emails me, hate it.

Sorry that I can’t help - also looking for tips!

feathermucker · 27/01/2026 07:30

Have you recently gained a qualification? Or moved up the ladder?

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 27/01/2026 08:17

Yes I have this at the moment. I keep thinking they're managing me out by not giving me work to do(I'm having a lull because we have a budget freeze and travel freeze so that's half my job gone). I had a good end of year review and boss even thanked me for making his life easier (I'm his EA) but since Christmas I'm doubting everything I do.

I don't know the answer, other than just keep going, it will pass.