Fear of public speaking

[FearOfPublicSpeaking]

I've never been the most confident public speaker, but I've always managed to project a sense of confidence and hide it. Before Christmas, I was due to deliver a presentation (only to about 20 people) and I had the worst anxiety in the days leading up to it, and had to keep leaving the room to use the toilet on the morning of. I knew I might crash and burn, so I left the room and told my manager I couldn't do it. Since then, I've done a couple of training sessions (with another colleague) and I've been ok once I got past the initial nerves. Fast forward to today, and I was supposed to be talking to just a few people at a stall (something I've done several times before). Whilst I was waiting to do my part, I felt physically sick, started shaking, and was worried that I'd breakdown in front of everyone as soon as I opened my mouth. I quietly excused myself to a colleague before I had to start speaking, and I've left them to cover.

I feel like a complete failure and I don't know what to do. My manager knows about this and is really sympathetic.

I have two questions:

1. What can I do to get over this? I don't have to do any public speaking in my role if I don't have to, but it will limit my opportunities if I can't get past this

2. I told my colleagues today that I wasn't feeling well. Should I apologise and explain, or just apologise and maintain that I was just feeling sick? I'm so embarrassed

Propranolol from the GP can be helpful

I did a stand up comedy workshop, including a couple of gigs ... By pushing myself so far out of my comfort zone and living to tell the tale makes normal public speaking much easier.

Agreed that propranolol can be useful.

It's interesting that something you've done before (speaking at a stall) is now a struggle.

If I avoid things that make me anxious, it just makes the anxiety worse. Because then I'm not just anxious about The Thing, I'm also anxious that I'll be anxious about the thing. By avoiding public speaking you're not giving yourself a chance to learn that you can survive both the anxiety and the speaking.

At some point you have to push through. Maybe start with something small (speaking up or asking a question in a largeish meeting etc) and work your way back up.

Ask if you can speak at something weekly, even if it's just reading out announcements. I was very nervous of public speaking before having to do inductions, weekly at a large accountancy firm (so 100 people at each). Cured it entirely as it became the norm.

I used to feel like you and used to hate public speaking at work. Really hated it. I like it now and I can tell you what worked for me.

Be really knowledgeable about your subject (you may already be)
Make sure you have prepared the presentation and it's interesting
Practice, practice, practice. Time yourself. Film it if you want to
Make sure you know what room it will be in, go and check where you stand etc
Check technology beforehand if you can, make sure your laptop / cables work
Keep doing presentations - try smaller groups to start with if you can
Slow down your speaking, people need time to take in what you say

I'm a confident speaker now but only because I have years of experience and I've kept doing it and doing it and doing it.

Remember, everyone in the room wants you to succeed and nobody will really know how nervous you are (except your manager if you've told them and they will be cheering you on). The more you do it, the better you'll get and one day you'll stand up and realise afterwards that you weren't nervous at all. Good luck.