Breadwinner mum on mat leave – part-time career and future house move

[Peanutbutterbaby]

I’m looking for some perspective and hopefully a few success stories 😊

I’m currently on mat leave and DH and I recently bought a house on a 5-year fix. I’d hoped it would be our forever home, but I’m realising it’s not the right long-term location. It’ll do for now, but I hope we’ll eventually move back to a more rural area to raise our children.

Before kids, DH and I earned similar salaries (household income = £80k). I’ve always been the career-driven one and assumed I’d be the main breadwinner long-term, while he’s happy in a stable role and less focused on career progression. I’ll now be working part-time for the foreseeable future due to childcare, and I’m feeling anxious about whether career progression and earning well is still possible for me, and whether we’ll ever be in a position to move house again.

Has anyone managed to climb the career ladder or earn well after having children, particularly while part-time? Any breadwinner mums who also feel this pressure?

The first thing that comes into my mind is, if he is happy in a stable role and less focused on career progression and you have always been the career-driven one then why doesn't he drop to part time rather than you ?

However, to answer your question, yes, I dropped to a 3 day week after having dc2, and was able to get promotion a few times, and move jobs a couple of times too.

Some of this is going to depend on the field you work in of course.

It really depends on the field. In mine currently (mental health) that's completely doable and I know many people who have. In my old career (law), probably not if I'm honest.

Before kids, DH and I earned similar salaries (household income = £80k). I’ve always been the career-driven one and assumed I’d be the main breadwinner long-term, while he’s happy in a stable role and less focused on career progression. I’ll now be working part-time for the foreseeable future due to childcare, and I’m feeling anxious about whether career progression and earning well is still possible for me, and whether we’ll ever be in a position to move house again.

Why are you the one working part time due to childcare?!

I haven’t ever worked part time. My DH and I are equals and that includes career opportunities and parenting. I absolutely wouldn’t be stepping back in your situation.

I wouldn’t describe myself as having been the “breadwinner” in my marriage (I’m now divorced) but I went back to my old job as a senior associate then doing 4 days a week in a law firm after mat leave for my third child, and within a year I’d got a job as a partner in another firm, also on 4 days a week. Four years after that I moved again following divorce and am now an equity partner.

Having a baby doesn’t have to mean putting your career progression on hold, and it’s not a black and white choice between progressing and never seeing your kids, or having work life balance and being around for your kids.

I was always the breadwinner pre and post having children - I earned 4x what ex husband did. Yes my career stalled during the early years of child raising and I wasn’t part time - I may have been full time physically but mentally I was very much part time. It’s taken until youngest got to age 5 to get my head back in the “game” and start pushing for promotion. My boss/company is by no means one that holds back women/mothers but mentally I just couldn’t have done it (admittedly made worse by being a single mum)

I agree with others to an extent why isn’t your partner going part time? My ex could/ should have gone part time or been a STAHP but I knew in the back of mind how lazy he was turning out to be and I’d have resented him for working all day only to come home to start doing all the housework and life admin he should have done. Plus I didn’t want to put him in any more of a favourable position in terms of financial settlement or custody if we divorced - which we did end up doing.

This might be a ground breaking concept to some but perhaps the OP wants to be part time to spend time with her child, I know I did despite having a good career.

I work 3 days a week at one below director level and to be blunt, I think it would potentially be possible to get the director promotion on 4 days a week, but not on 3 days and I’d say this is true for most industries. If you’re hoping for one level below director with limited management responsibility it’s more likely.

My husband is keen to continue advancing his career though so I’m happy to remain where I am whilst having young kids.