Dealing with bitterness in work

[Puppalicious]

I hate my job. I used to love it, but promised then withdrawn promotion, exclusion and sidelining and now almost de facto demotion have left me consumed with bitterness. I can’t find another job (I’ve been in contact with recruiters), and despair that anywhere else will be any better. My current job has a short commute and pays well so works well for my family but my self-esteem is being destroyed. Slowly I know I am destroying my professional reputation, I manage a team of 25 which used to be happy, but in the last year, there has been stress, departures etc and I do wonder has my mindset contributed. It affects my life outside work - sleep, rumination etc. Does anyone have experience of this?

Placemarking because I’m in a similar boat!

How long has it been going on for you? For me - too long!

I work in the civil service and had exactly this in a previous role. It was a really toxic workplace but it was very close to home and allowed me to wfh a couple of days a week plus it was close to my ds school which made a world of difference. I didn’t want to leave the civil service for various reasons. I ended up applying and getting a secondment with an Arms Length Body. People I worked with said I was mad (it was based in a city so a longer commute etc). But it worked brilliantly for me, turned out to be nearly totally wfh, the people I worked with were amazingly supportive and really rebuilt my self esteem. I ended up applying for a promotion and actually got it. But, yes, the previous place was horrendous and hugely affected every part of my life. I still get asked if I miss it and no, I bloody do not! I really hope you find something else @Puppalicious it’s a game changer.

I really hope I do too. I was a mess going into the Christmas break, recovered and within a week I was back to being unable to sleep etc

About 4 months, I was acting in the role for the promotion I was going for and in the end they gave it to an external candidate. I did kick off and I am pretty much autonomous in my role and avoid this new person as much as possible but it’s a pretty untenable situation!

Yes, I was in a similar position with my previous job (although not a manager or in charge of anyone).

I worked in a fantastic team but ongoing pressure from management to do more and more ground everyone down. I certainly felt bitter, resentful and stressed (and couldn’t hide it, ultimately, and especially as I hated the new manager).

Eventually, people started leaving with no job to go to until the whole thing fell apart. I thought I’d be the first to leave but was the fifth (spontaneously handed in my resignation after being talked to like dirt at a meeting).

Luckily, I just caught the trailing edge of the job market when it was OK, so managed to find a decent job. The job market is very tough, at the moment, though, so I consider myself lucky to have found another job.

Good luck, OP. I hope you find something.

Can you get a note from the doctor to recover and properly job hunt?

Know the feeling all too well sadly. Currently browsing mumsnet here as I can't sleep due to work-related anxiety (even though I know a lack of sleep will make everything seem so much worse tomorrow too.) The job market is pretty bad for management in my field. If it is the same in yours and you can afford it, a sideways step or even pay cut might be worth it to preserve your mental and physical health. Right now, I'm trying to talk myself into detaching a bit but i haven't succeeded so far!

So basically just sending solidarity!