Words of wisdom - juggling two high-pressure jobs with young children

[Motherhood12345]

I'm a lawyer (formerly corporate but moved in-house 1 year ago to try to reduce working hours) and my husband is a pilot (recently changed from short-haul to long haul. We have two children (aged 3 and almost 2), and I'm expecting a third later this year.

I work four days, and my husband is away a lot - for well over half of the month. I leave the house most days at 7.45am and get home at 6pm, and then sometimes have to work once the kids are in bed.

My 3 year old goes to nursery 4 days per week (9-3) and my 1 year old is looked after by a combination of me (on my NWD), my husband (when he's home) and my mum (who we pay, however with the new long-haul roster this is too much for her). He will attend nursery from January 2027, when he turns 3.

I'm seriously considering giving up my job as everything just feels like such a juggle and I'm constantly on the edge of what feels like breaking point. On top of being a single mum a lot of the time, we're renovating our house and have a dog. I don't love the idea of my children being in childcare from 8am until 6pm four days per week, but that or giving up my job seem like the only options right now. I've costed up a nanny and we simply can't afford one - while we both have relaitively well-paid jobs, we're not London based so my salary is regional and nanny costs for four full days per week would be more than or equal to my take-home. I would possibly consider an au pair but our house is so "mid-renovation" that I honestly don't think someone would want to move into our chaos...

Looking for some words of wisdom or advice from anyone who has felt similar in the past. Are there any long-haul pilot's wives who have managed to maintain a career and family? Is there anyone who has given up their career and not regretted it?

I would say struggle on until
your mat leave . It would be a shame to give up a good job for these difficult couple of years , especially as you will be on mat leave for 9 months of it . Would an au pair be an option? To help with drop offs and pick ups .
i used to share child care with a couple who were a lawyer and a long haul pilot . We did drop offs and pick ups to school and nursery for them ( we were taking ours anyway) and when she was on a day or or he was home they did all the pick ups and drop offs and some weekend party and activity stuff for us . This was for primary aged kids though

Stay where you are till mat leave, you'll likely have a better deal then. Return for as long as you need to if you have loyalty clause/enhanced mat leave.

Combine childcare, I'd do a mix between nanny, nursery and you, each part-time. This should reduce your costs. If you work so much in 4 days make sure you do compressed hrs, you're doing a FT job. If you're paid FT in your role you must be making quite a bit more than a regional nanny would cost, surely.

Also what's your DH's salary? Are you eligible for funded childcare/20% off childcare in tax? You need to look into how to get this if not, maybe reshuffle pension payments so your childcare will cost less. You need a part time nanny at least IMO to make this arrangement work, plus your parents' help with at least one of the children.

I think in total between you you must be able to afford a nanny even FT, tbh, if you had to, if your DH is a pilot, come on OP.

Pregnancy
2 toddlers and a dog
house reno
dh works away

Yes - I would not make myself work in this situation. But would be ideal to limp thru to SMP. You could see if you can fit in some unpaid Parental leave, if your employer would agree. But be careful: Your SMP is based on 8 weeks’ earnings in the run up to our Qualifying Week (which is 15 weeks before your Expected Birth Week).

What does dh think - could in-laws help?

Been there, done that - but got the dog when my 3 kids were a lot older. With those kinds of hours, we had a nanny which was a stretch and a struggle but the only way we could both work. As we got more senior in our jobs it became more affordable (but costs are always rising). I'd say try a mix of what you're doing now and a part time nanny/housekeeper - may end up giving you what you need to retain your sanity and keep working (if you want to). The alternative is try to stick it out until you're on maternity leave - when hopefully the renovation will be more progressed and nearly done - and then look into au pairs (friends have done this for their kids and dogs and it helped them both keep working long hour jobs).

Au pair?

Agree it’s worth carrying on for now until ML, unless you really feel at breaking point.