Boss suddenly toxic

[Watsonflannel]

I have been in my job for a little over a year. My boss has never had a team to manage before and has been nice but occasionally unprofessional in terms of telling me things that I shouldn’t be privy to. They are close friends with another manager who I think helps them with their management style etc but this other manager is quite a micro manager and I’ve noticed that members of her team have been off sick with stress during the time I’ve been working there.

My manager has said things to me about other staff and not liking them previously and I’ve just ignored and carried on. What I’m trying to say is that they are sometimes unprofessional and I’ve tried not to get involved.

Anyway, suddenly this week my boss and their micro-managing friend have gone really weird with me. Being quite aggressive in tone and suggesting that I’m
not a team player and giving me things to do outside my job role and when I’ve questioned why I’m being asked to do these tasks my boss has asked why I’m questioning and basically they are saying to do it so I should do it. I don’t actually mind doing different tasks but I’d do like to know why I’m doing things and what for. To be honest I feel a bit bullied as it’s come on unexpectedly and I have no idea what’s changed to make them both come at me like this.

I am now being pulled in for a catch-up meeting next week which has never happened before. I’d appreciate any advice as to how to approach this meeting as I honestly don’t know what I’ve done for their attitude towards me to change suddenly and profoundly in a matter of days.

I know I sound dramatic but given the state of the other manager’s team who are all cowed and stressed I am wary as to what’s going to happen next.

Are you a trade union member?

Yes I am but I feel as though I don’t want the union involved until I get a feeling for what the problem is.

How horrible. Hold your head high and do not let them bully you. If you need to just say you are ending tge meeting until your union rep can be present.

Thank you @ByQuaintAzureWaspI wouldn’t have thought of that.

Your problem is, (I suspect) is that they are trying to push you out. I have been here before when new managers suddenly develop a Jekyll & Hyde personality. They are bullying you without a doubt.

At the very least speak to trade union rep beforehand to see what they recommend. These two managers are following a concerning behaviour which may not work out well for you. Might be worth nipping this in the bud.

Thanks @lemonraspberrythat was my feeling too. I feel as though they are just working their way around people and giving them a hard time for fun, if that makes sense. And now it’s my turn.

This stood out to me:

...giving me things to do outside my job role and when I’ve questioned why I’m being asked to do these tasks my boss has asked why I’m questioning and basically they are saying to do it so I should do it. I don’t actually mind doing different tasks but I’d do like to know why I’m doing things and what for.

In my previous role, on my job spec it said effectively that one of my roles was to do anything delegated to me by my line manager. Do you have anything similar?
So if he said to go and clean the windows then it wasn't on my job spec - but it was covered by that line. I think if I'd asked why I was asked to do them, then my boss would have been pretty unimpressed, especially if this happened a few times.

Ask yourself honestly:
Are the things they're asking you to do unreasonable?
Are they something specifically on someone else's job description?
If you don't do it, will someone else will have to do it - so why not you?

If it's not unreasonable that they're asking you to do these things, and someone else will have to do it if you don't, then questioning will come across as being a poor team player.
Effectively you're coming across as thinking these tasks are beneath you, and putting it on someone else. That might not be the case, but that's how it may be coming across to them.

Thanks @MargaretThursdaythat has given me something to think about.

The tasks are usually done by someone in the other manager’s team who has been off sick. So not specifically managed by my manager or within the remit of their team but the jobs need doing in their absence.

@MargaretThursday Why are you assuming shes being asked to do things that are 'beneath' her? My manager is always trying to get me to do parts of her job. I resist because she's paid a lot more than me and I think she's taking the piss.

Funnily enough one of the tasks I was given wasn’t dissimilar to window cleaning which I do think is weird given that I’m in an admin role.

Politely ask for the meeting agenda in advance so you can be prepared for it. This might help you. If they refuse to provide it, you have the fact you'd requested it in your back pocket as a defence line if you don't feel comfortable answering anything they ask or if you're challenged on anything you'd need to back up with evidence.

I wasn't assuming, simply putting a potential situation where she could be coming across badly without necessarily meaning to, which I thought might help her to think about.

I generally work on these sort of things that it's better to have an idea of why an action might be seen as negative so you can form a response before the meeting where you might be blindsided.

It's no less likely than the assumption that she's being bullied and they're trying to push her out which others have put with as much evidence.

As they say: Three sides to a story. Op's side, other side and the truth. I think to help people then looking for the potential other side is helpful, because if they go in assuming they're correct then they're going in defensively and not open to suggestions which may be totally reasonable.

@PhantomOfAllKnowledgethanks. I wouldn’t have thought of that either. That’s really helpful. Also your user name made me smile which I need this week.

I actually find it odd that you asked why you were being asked to do them knowing the person who usually does them is off sick.

Would you not just be covering for your colleague while they are off?

@Nimblethimblethe task is not one I’ve done before and I didn’t know that it was something that needed doing. I don’t think asking for context is unreasonable.

I am a union rep - you could be let go as you haven't been there two years so I would either do the tasks or refuse on principle and possibly lose the job.

I would also be more inclined to do them as your colleague is off sick. I would check with the bosses that you are simply covering this task until they return.

But I would not be going in that meeting without your union rep by your side. A 'catch up' meeting could be all manner of things.

I’ve been in the organisation since 2013 but only in this role for just over a year. I’m not sure that I can get hold of my union rep in the time I’ve got. Is it wrong to record the meeting or ask if I can minute it?

I actually don’t mind doing the additional jobs. It makes life more interesting but I am puzzled as to how it’s not ok to ask why I’m doing a job if I don’t know context or (for one task) that it’s even a job that needs to be done.

Has the manager mentioned previously that you are not a team player? Did the other tasks come first or not being a team player? I think it would be normal for colleague on the other team to cover sickness but depends on resources. Is it normal for tasks to cross over between teams to cover sickness?

Have other colleagues on your team been asked to cover tasks on other team? Do you feel able to cover the new tasks? Have you been given sufficient guidance/resources? Do they negatively impact tasks you normally do?

It sounds like the other manager may be a bully and rubbing off on your manager. However, it is a fine line that don’t read into things that not there and questioning things. Not blindly doing things but not coming across as undermining/not team player. Even if that is not the case.

Push comes to shove I think need to show you are being reasonable. Has manager said why you are not a team player? If not, ask them to give example(s).

As previously mentioned definitely think agenda is a good idea. Gives you an idea of what to expect. If they say there isn’t one as just a catch up and then launch into things then clearly not being transparent.

You keep citing context but context is that your colleague is off sick, the jobs are not being done and they are asking you to cover.

You won't be allowed to record the meeting. As I said, I would not go in to that meeting without your union rep (and that's my advice to you as a union rep).

Send an urgent request to the rep tomorrow asking if they will accompany you. If you get no answer, call the main union contact number first thing Monday morning.

i have never been accused of not being a team player in any other job I’ve had and this is the first time it’s been mentioned. It was brought up when I asked why one particular job (that i didn’t know was a job and that I’d never heard of before) needed doing.

From the replies here it sounds as though I need to just accept that if the boss asks me to do something i just need to do it even through it doesn’t make sense to me and hope that I do a good enough job without really understanding why I’m doing something.

Its an awkward one too, as nobody ever covers my role if I’m on holiday or ill as it’s fairly niche and sometimes involves dealing with difficult customers and nobody else in the team can / wants to do it.

I have had good ideas and food for thought, so thanks for the input from everyone.

@Nimblethimblethanks. It’s useful to have your point of view as a union rep.

No, it would be sensible to keep a record. Will it be face-to-face? If so, I would suggest taking pen and paper notes - you can frame it that the notes are for your own development/performance purposes. If you are able to take a union rep in, they would be a good person to note-take for you.

If it's online, ideally use an AI note taker such as Teams Copilot if you have it; if not ask if you can record the meeting, again so you have the notes to review to help your performance/development.

If your request to record/note take is refused, again, this is a 'back pocket' thing for the future - if you are accused of not taking on board anything discussed in the meeting, you can point out that the reason you wanted to record it was to make sure you had a record of their expectations, but you were not allowed to do this.

You also need to press them for expectations (assuming reasonable) to be specific. It's no use having a vague expectation such as 'Be more of a team player' - you need specifics on that, e.g. 'Support with X task in the absence of Y person' or 'Check in weekly with manager on Thursday at 10am to establish if there are any tasks you can pick up for the team'

@PhantomOfAllKnowledgethanks. So much useful info there. I appreciate it. It will be an in person meeting and I have already wondered if I’ll arrive and both managers will be in there, rather than just my own. I’m fully expecting that. If that’s the case I will ask for it to be rescheduled so I can bring my union rep in with me. Unless I can get union support before then in which case it can still go ahead.