Left a job and not told husband

[Ivemessedup9872]

Mumsnet- I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSIOM TO POST THIS ON FACEBOOK
Did something silly back in September and the guilt is eating me up inside. I started a new job and after 4 weeks decided that I absolutely hated it and walked out. I didn't work my notice, I was signed off sick with stress.
I started applying for new jobs straight away. Its now January and I haven't even had an interview for anywhere. Im living off my savings and claiming new style esa.
The issue is I haven't told my husband. He can be quite controlling anyway and if I had told him I was not happy at the job he would have forced me to continue whilst looking for something else and I would have still been there now. I just couldn't do that. I only work part time so (the worst part) I have been going out every day for a few hours in the car pretending im going to work but im not.
My plan was to just to this for a short while til I got something new then just tell him I was changing jobs. But now its going on for longer than I thought and I have a gap in my CV.
I have actually done this once before for the same reasons but I had started a new job within 4 weeks.
Every morning when I wake up I think about it straight away and my stomach churns. Its the last thing I think of at night.
I dont know what to do and I've got myself in a right mess. Any advice?

Your issue isn’t your job OP. It’s your husband. You’ve got bigger fish to fry. He’s supposed to be a soft place to land when life gets hard. I think you need to use this time to figure out if this is the sort of marriage you want.

Mumsnet don't need your permission.

I think if it's causing you this much stress, you need to tell your husband.

It doesn't sound as though the result will be any worse than it is now.

What’s the worst that can happen if you did tell him?

You need to tell your dh. How much savings have you left compared to what your spending.

you have three issues. One is a lack of any job, two you’re scared to tell your dh (that’s worrying) and three I imagine he will now be annoyed as I would be as you’ve lied for months. I’d be very hurt at this

I think we need to check though… has your husband always been a bit of a shit? Or do you have a history of deceitful behaviour and now he is “controlling” as a defence against your lying?

If he has always been controlling then why are you with him? Get a job, any job and stay in it no matter how much you hate it so you can leave your controlling relationship.

We don’t have any examples of how you believe he is being controlling we only have your word for it - he may be a perfectly reasonable person who you want to paint a certain way so that your actions will garner some sympathy. Whether he’s controlling or not your actions are completely unacceptable and are marriage ending - whether he’s a risk arsehole or the best husband in the world you have still lied

Would he have "forced" you to stay in the job?

Or would he have suggested you stay in the job until you find a new one, as the 2 arent the same and one is sensible advice.

tell him youve been made redundant and as youve barely been there that under a year, there is no big payout but youre going to check with acas and start looking for a new post.

Eek! That really is not a good situation.
i think you need to tell your husband that the job didn’t work out (be vague, say it was a mutual decision), but now you’re looking for something else.
it’s not good that you’re scared to tell him but he can’t send you back there so what’s the worst that can happen now?

I didn't do it intentionally to be deceitful. Things were getting to a head at work, I didn't get on with them. My mental health was suffering and instead of just going off sick and looking for something else I stupidly just quit on the spot!! I didn't think id struggle to get something else.
I know its awful, but I didn't mean for it to go on this long , and now I dont know what to do.

Tell your husband. Because you’re going to run out of money.

Would he have demanded you remain in that job or would he have said you need to stay in it until you found something else? Because that’s entirely reasonable, and I’d be a bit 🤨 at someone saying their mental health couldn’t handle working when they’d only been in the job a couple of weeks. Do you do that a lot? Some people do live their life with a lot of drama… and we’re only getting your side here.

If you can’t face telling the full truth then I agree with poster who said to say that your employer has just let you go / you haven’t passed probation. It’s a new year, they’re looking at financial and strategic plans, they’re restructuring, whatever.

You’re storing up all kinds of additional problems if you just keep on as you are. What if he wants to two of you to go through your finances / talk about financial planning for something and your incomings are going to show benefits not salary? If he finds out you’ve not been employed and have been disappearing off for hours at a time then he’s going to (justifiably) question where you’ve been going and (also justifiably) question whether you were alone. If your relationship isn’t good then you can tackle that and think about what steps you need to take in order to separate - but you really don’t need to make things even more difficult by being discovered as having lied for months an giving him ammunition to say that you aren’t trustworthy.

Tell him it was a 12 week trial and they have decided to let you go?