Work - what would you do?

[frida1985]

Im just about to go back from maternity leave in a couple of weeks and im dreading it. Already have a 4YO and now a little 6M old. Stupidly agreed to go from 3 days per week to 4 for a decent pay rise, will be on around £70k. First world problems I’m aware but the commute is at least an hour each way, the company doesn’t really like hybrid work and even though I’ve explained that I cannot be in the office 4 days a week and if that is what they want I am not the person for the job, I feel over time they’ll start to try and get me in that office. I’ve worked bloody hard to get where I am and for me my work almost feels like a bit of my identity. Came from nothing so quite proud of what I’ve done so far, but still not fulfilled.

I understand there is probably no unicorn job that would allow me to earn well and be at every drop off and pick up and that’s fine, but would you go back or would you look at maybe becoming self employed? I work in business development and have built up a strong network over the years, but has anyone done this and not looked back? I imagine the hours are more and it’s more scary, but the flexibility with kids is there?

Would formalise a flexible working arrangement (wfh) schedule and/or consider condensing hours (1-2 longer days on-site perhaps) in the first instance. Can you have a phased return?

As you know the self employed job isn’t just about flexibility - you’d be beholden to clients, with no colleagues to share the load in a squeeze. Do you get pension or other benefits like emergency childcare?

Where's your partner in all this? You need to split drop off and pick up into childcare so eg he goes into work early, you drop off at childcare, he gets back to pick up childcare, do dinner, do bathtime, you get back for bed.

It can be done, I did the same - X4 days a week in the office, more than an hour commute each way

I'd be wary of going self employed for flexibility/to see your children.

I have a part time job that gives me some flexibility, but the reality is that I'm constantly spinning plates and trying to compensate for the flexibility in both aspects of my life.

If you have been on paid mat leave, which I expect that you have, you need to go back to work for the contractual period (usually 3 months) or pay back your mat pay.

I would look at that period as 'testing the waters'. See if you can make it work for your family and if not, be easing yourself back into your networks in preparation for setting up your own business.

"If you have been on paid mat leave, which I expect that you have, you need to go back to work for the contractual period (usually 3 months) or pay back your mat pay."

This is not automatically true - it depends on the OP's employer and her contract of employment.

I have worked in places that do insist on a return to work to retain the occupational maternity pay element but equally, I have worked for other places that do not have this requirement.

To the OP, after my youngest, I did set up my own company and worked for myself for years.

However, I am in a profession where the actual work can be done at any day/time as long as yhe overall deadlines were met. I had relatively few "face to face" meetings or things that had been done during "office hours" but the flip side of it is I would work evenings, weekends and often past midnight.
It's hard work and you need to have a financial buffer because even if you have clients straight away, they won't necessarily pay you as regularly as being employed.
And obviously, you have to do absolutely everything yourself, like admin, finances (incl pension contributions), IT, legal/contracts/&compliance things. All of which can be time-consuming but aren't directly chargeable.

I've been self employed as a consultant, a consultant for a BPO company, and owned a business.

Nothing provides the comfort (while raising a family) like a full, permanent, PAYE job.

I agree with PPs about formalising the flexibility you've agreed.

But "unicorn" jobs do exist. I am fully remote (we have offices world wide, I visit them from time to time, but my contract is remote) and I earn well.

Personally...

I wpuld extend my mat leave then I would go back.

when you do and block your calendar across the 5pm-8pm window or whatever... leave at 4.30 / 5 and make up the time post 8pm pre 9am.
I normally do a couple of hours over the weekends too.

That's what I do as i am paid to do a job not log hours.

The job market is fucking brutal even if you want to move jobs I would go back and bide my time.

I did this in 2025 and moved jobs when youngest was 18m.
I was incredibly lucky and landed a job in under 4m (it was 5 rounds which is pretty standard, but i had 2 x connections / referrals and my experience was a pretty much perfect fit) I got very lucky with job and timings.

What about your husband /partner? He can do drop offs etc

@frida1985 is this more about going back rather than going back 4 days? Personally id go back 3 days formally but go in the 4th on an ad hoc basis. They may quickly realise you dont need to be in as much. Or work later those three days to make it up.

The market is very brutal at present so id never advise anyone now going it alone with kids as you'll be spinning plates. I have friends still looking after 3 years.

Im in a unicorn job as in I wfh in finance (wfh all the time). Company doesn't like wfh but my boss is flexible and has never needed me in in person so its all informally/secretly done between us. I do all pick ups/drop offs/school events as a single parent and have not needed childcare ever. I work 9-3, then from 4-7. These jobs do exist but rare and tend to be once management get to know you and that you deliver.

@BlueWorkDayoooh do tell me more please, I’d love a unicorn career! Thank you for the advice xx

Thank you all for your replies. Part of me thinks just put your big girl pants on, it’s going to be hard but you just have to get on with it, but the other part of me literally aches to be more flexible with my family. I think I’ll try a phased return, it’s completely my fault I saw the £££ signs and I went for it before thinking properly!

Make no mistake, I often don't love my job.

But it's flexible location and timing wise (though I do work long and difficult hours to accommodate other time zones, and need to travel a few times a year), it pays well, the people I work with are largely highly competent and pleasant, and I enjoy the actual tasks at hand.

I work for a privately owned tech company, when I joined we were a Nasdaq listed company, and part of my job was to reset the organisation for private ownership (accountable to private investors rather than Wall St).

The reasons I dont love it are largely because I feel trapped (it's a senior, niche, role, I'm not sure there's an easy step into any other company) and I'm compensated well, and am not willing to reduce my income.

Which means that although I actually like the job, when it's not great, it feels like there is no way out of it.