Colleague keeps oversharing personal issues at work and it’s getting awkward

[LindaFiato]

Hi all,
Just wanted to get some thoughts on a work situation that feels a bit uncomfortable.
There’s someone on my team who is perfectly nice and hardworking, but they overshare a lot. And I mean a lot. Every meeting somehow turns into updates about their relationship problems, money worries, or family drama. It’s not gossiping about others, it’s all about their own life, but it happens in group settings and sometimes with senior staff present.
A few of us clearly feel awkward. People go quiet, cameras suddenly turn off, or someone changes the subject. No one wants to be unkind because they’re obviously going through stuff, but it’s starting to affect the tone of meetings and even productivity. Work chats end up feeling emotionally heavy when they really don’t need to be.
The manager is quite hands off and doesn’t seem to notice or maybe doesn’t know how to handle it. I’m not in a position of authority, so I don’t feel it’s my place to say anything directly. Would be interested to hear how others have navigated similar situations.

If it's bothering you, speak with their line manager. The manager may not realise it's an issue for others, and if nobody speaks up because they fear being unkind, nothing will change. What's more unkind is to let this poor woman carry on spilling her guts to a bunch of people who don't care and are rolling their eyes behind the camera and likely will be talking about her behind her back. She needs her manager to kindly but firmly step in here and instil some boundaries for her own and others' psychological safety. Perhaps an OH referral for counselling so she has a safer, more appropriate outlet.

What she needs is someone to cut in and say, “Diane, can we keep our personal lives out of it and stick to discussing work. “

Disagree that she is perfectly nice and hardworking if her off topic diatribes are affecting work output/productivity.

You dont need to be senior to her - call her up or tell your useless manager to and tell her to stick to work stuff in work meetings. Be factual.

Worst case, be blunt and tell her no one wants to hear about the shit in your personal life. Sometimes, that sort of medication is need and works best.

More or less how old and senior is she? (Im assuming female?). I think if she’s quite young and inexperienced then maybe a kind word from a friendly colleague might help, otherwise, perhaps it should be someone in authority.

Ideally her line manager needs to have a word and let HR know that she needs additional support.

If the manager isn’t being proactive then really HR should step in from a position of offering support based on them sharing that they are struggling enough for it to be having an impact in the workplace. They clearly need some support of some sort.

Whoever is chairing this meetings needs to say “right let’s move on with the agenda as we’ve got a lot to get through “ I’m baffled how this can happen in a meeting. In the office just ignore her and get on with your work. If she carries on say “sorry I need to get on with this and to be honest it’s probably not something you should talk about in the office “ she seems very unaware.

It sounds like she is lonely with no one she can talk to. Before wfh these conversations would be going on off teams and not in front of people like you, who find them awkward.

Do you have any employee assistance programme through work or an internal mental health first aider figure who could suggest the next steps?

Oh I work with someone like this. When I was in a meeting and she started going on and on, I did the 'there's a lot to get through on the agenda, can we move on' thing and she complained about me and wanted a "mediation meeting'. Some people just want drama. I smoothed it all over by being very bland and now I avoid her like the plague. Dont try to fix it is my advice, these people are usually drama vacuums and you don't need the hassle.

@Eggliooh I share your experience.
so many people lacking in self awareness, not understanding the differences between exchanging pleasantries and bringing tmi to a meeting.
not accepting that work is actually work and we are being paid to do it.
not understanding that on occasion we all have personal issues and if we need EAP or whatever it is there, but the workplace’s main aim is to get on with the work.
I had a grievance raised (not upheld) due to similar behaviour from a staff member and me not pandering to it several times a day.
If one person monopolises work time with personal issues it can means that others in genuine need don’t get the right support.

I’d worry it would just embarrass them and make things tense, rather than actually fixing the behaviour.
Part of the problem is that it keeps happening in meetings with multiple people, so no one quite knows how to step in without it feeling public and uncomfortable. Ideally it would be the manager setting the tone or having a quiet word, but that doesn’t seem to be happening.
I do agree that some kind of gentle boundary needs to be set though. Maybe more along the lines of redirecting the conversation back to the agenda in the moment, rather than calling it out so directly.