What to do when job makes you depressed

[ASDnocareer]

but cannot afford to leave without having another job lined up. Please don’t tell me to just leave etc. Job hunting for over a year not landed anything, hence very depressed. (I don’t say that lightly either I have been diagnosed with moderate depression by a psychiatrist previously, and things feel worse atm)

I deal with extreme micromanagement and toxic managers who love to blame and pressure you. Bad working procedures, little to no guidance or training, very low salary, days with high workload (done so much unpaid overtime).

I sometimes worry my friends/family will think I’m crazy or exaggerating because they wouldn’t believe how bad the working conditions are. Also I imagine ‘normal’ people with career prospects wouldn’t stand for it and simply land another job. A lot of my colleagues also very unhappy, some are immigrants from countries with harsher working conditions

I also have autism but not been given any reasonable adjustments as I’d have to go through one of the toxic managers to ask for this who will likely see it as an unfair advantage and it will make her resent me even more. I really don’t have any energy to survive more of her wrath, I try hard to dissociate from my job situation.

I’m constantly tearful from work, struggle to eat 3 basic meals a day due to the work stress. Today I was so overwhelmed made a small mistake but in my defence I had extra workload put on me since the minute I logged on, back to back calls in morning, no lunch or break until 3pm. ASD makes me struggle with heavy workload which involves juggling multiple priorities too but I don’t have reasonable adjustments.

I am already dreading work on Monday and daydream of being hit by a bus because at least I’d have time off work. I’m writing this at 03:50 and I’ve barely noticed it’s so late because my head has been so overwhelmed, I can’t think of sleep

Sympathies, I've been looking for 2 years now. Something will come up - that's what I keep telling myself anyway!

@Summerhillsquare I’m sorry to hear and I’m wishing you the best with your search💐

I’ve now unintentionally stayed up until 5:20am, eyes are sore as I’ve been glued to a screen all day. Not a wink of sleep due to job hunting (6 tailored applications completed) and asking chatgpt for yet another way I can restrategise

I am sorry you are in this situation.

You need to join a union ASAP, imo.

You don't need to a have a union rep at work. You can call their helpline and they will advise. You can go online and join any union.

You are no subject to a performance review or disciplinary procedure at present.

This is important because no union will take a pre-existing case.

For example, Unite have a very strong legal team. However, any issue that arose in the previous 4 weeks will not be covered. Some other unions have a bit more of a relaxed attitude. Howevever, most will avoid pre-existing claims. This is a difficult one for you, as you have been struggling for a while.

I suggest you join a union now and see how things progress in the new year. Hopefully, things will settle over the Christmas period.

If you are still feeling as low as you are now, contact you union at the end of January. They will support you through the meeting regarding reasonable adjustments.

In the meantime, do what you can to keep yourself on even keel. Are there any charities that support people with ASD you could approach?

The most dreadful things about difficult situations is the feeling of being alone.

You really do need to find a person to confide into.

I hope it helps

Oh sweetheart, you can't carry on like this - you need to see your doctor as soon as possible and get signed off sick with stress.

By the way, due to your autism, your employer would be breaking the law and discriminating against you if they don't put reasonable adjustments in place. It sounds like an absolutely horrible place to work.

The problem with the sickness route is that untimately going off sick solves nothing.

An employer is entitled to specify the number of sick days in any reference. So it becomes even more difficult to change jobs.

Any prolonged sickness and the employer can start disciplinary proceedings. They are entitled to terminate employment if sickness becomes an issue. Disability on its own is no defense in this. The employer will say they have a business to run, this will get them out of this clause.

OP needs reasonable adjustments however she is too scared to stand up on her own. She either needs union support or change jobs.

By all means, take a day or two off sick. It's flu season after all.

Further to earlier message - flu doesn't last a couple of days. Colds do.

I’d agree that I only see my way out as finding a new job but nothing is working, I’d be paranoid to take long sick leave in case it ruins my reference.

I just don’t have much hope left as no recruiter is willing to take a chance on me. Now all I look forward to is the day I fall asleep and never wake up again

This sounds terrible.

Please do not confuse your identity as a human being with that of an employee.

I am sure you are more than the sum of your work experience.

If you have suicidal ideation, please contact your local mental health crisis team or the Samaritans.

What else is going wrong in your life? Money, relationships?

I am asking because most people are able to ride tough jobs out with friends and/or family support. Have you got anyone to talk to?

thanks appreciate your kindness but Samaritans can’t help me it’s situational depression, the only thing that will help is getting a new job (seemingly impossible).

I’m single but lucky to have great friends near me, however they all have careers and I don’t. I feel like I continue to reduce my expectations more, now willing to take a fully office based role without any WFH for 30k in London because I’m not worth anything more. It will make my personal finances worse but what other choice do I have

As a fresh grad I would say I dreamed of eventually earning 70k+, now I just dream of a job without such a toxic environment and covers living costs.

It’s not just about riding out the tough job it’s the fact there’s also no end in sight, and I’m trapped. Presumably even those with good mental health would start feeling depressed without a future to look forward to, everyday you’re dreading to go to work.
I spent all day jobhunting today too, so believe me I’m trying everything I can. I don’t just look at LinkedIn job boards, I also go directly to very small start ups, use niche agencies etc.

I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. As a mental health professional, I'd advise you to go to your GP and explain everything that's happening with toxic work and depression. It might be worth going on an antidepressant, if it can help you survive this situation.
I worked with many highly educated autistic women when I worked a community role and what you're describing is a very common occurrence for autistic women. You mentioned that you were under a psychiatrist and imo, this would mean you might be able to get some support from them again maybe? Gp can help with that too. The National Autistic Society are excellent. A number of my patients were supported by them extensively with support and diagnostics etc...
Also, please join a union ASAP and start documenting every incident of bullying in a notebook with times and dates, when you get home at night. You don't want anything on a work device that they can access. Even if you use your personal mobile to email yourself while at work. After you join a union and contact NAS, you could maybe then send an email to say you're struggling diue to over work and poor organisation by managers, cite your Autsm and request "reasonable adjustments" as this is a specific term that means they need to legally meet your request. They may not, but you then have a paper trail if it all gets worse and your union can use that to support you.
I was severely bullied for 5 years in my last role. I watched as a colleague whom I think is neurodivergent,.was bullied to the point where she fell apart in interviews. I left before that happened to me but only cos I saw what happened to her. I had taken several periods of sick leave and my new employer didn't give a shit because life happens and a decent employer will recognise that. You're also better off taking 1 to 4 weeks with a sick note rather than lots of single days. I don't know how old you are, but could potential employers be worried about you being overqualified for the roles you're applying for? I only ask, because you mention that you have a degree, and that used to mean a fairly decent career path, although not always the case nowadays, I know.
The only other thing I will say is that, when things were very bad for me, I made sure that other parts of my life were better in some way, so maintaining social contact, relationships, hobbies,.physical health, exercise, diet etc so there are some positives, obvs, if you have autism, you may feel totally drained socially, and again NAS could maybe support and signpost as well. I also found reddit boards about UK employment law v helpful to read for info. And Reddit can also be v useful for Autism and other issues if you find the right threads.
The situation you are in sounds hellish, do everything you can to survive it and fight to get the support you need, too.
I'm sorry this is long but you really need to get some help ASAP.
Take care of yourself.

Just to add, I think you've mentioned not wanting to wake up twice now in different ways. Thoughts like that are a sign of moderate depression, you need to talk to someone about those thoughts and feeling as soon as you can. You really need this.

might not be the usual advice, but I think acceptance in the short term. Acceptance that the job is shit, but accepting allowing yourself to not give a shit about the shit job for a while! Do the bare minimum, shut the laptop at the end of the day and forget it. I know this is easier said that done. But once you can get into the mind frame it makes a huge difference. I know you will
worry about the consequences of doing bare minimum, but from what you have said you have so much evidence that they are asking you to do far too much and putting undue pressure on, you would have a good case if they tried to do anything. Again I know seems odd, but I’d have a break from the job applications. Having this much pressure to find another job to answer all
uoir problems will not be helping, and honestly the fatigue will be showing in the applications. Give yourself a break.

OP, this is excellent advice.

Please do be mindful however what I said earlier - unions do not take pre-existing claims. For example, they will not help with the disciplinary process if it started before someone joined the union.

I do not know whether a union might be able to help if you describe you only joined the union because you need help with bullying and reasonable adjustments. I am not an expert in this area. I would say tread carefully here. Saying this, unions reps are good people and they do want to help.

Contacting NAS sounds like a really good idea.

Taking a week off work sounds like excellent advice too. It's winter, lots of people have colds. You could do with a break. You don't need a doctor's note for 5 days of sickness.

Putting your job hunting activities for a while (as per another poster's advice) sounds quite sensible to me too. Our mood generally tends to improve with warmer weather and longer days. Our mood does show up in applications, imo.

I thought I would also mention to you that there are a lot of practicing Buddhists in London (there are many all over the UK as well). I am one of them.

We meet regularly is small groups (6-10) to discuss how to apply principles of Buddhist faith to challengies of daily living. It's a very nurturing environment, there is no judgment, what is said stays within the group. The meetings are free, supported by a charity called SGI-UK (it's a charity decicated to propagation of the Lotus sutra, I will post the link below). We welcome guests all the time. Approximately half the people only attend once and we don't see them again. The other half starts attending regularly and many of them eventually become fully fledged members.

Mindfulness had been popular for a while. However, not many people realise mindfulness has its roots in Buddhism.

Should you want to contact your local group Buddhist leader, please contact SGI-UK on the link below and they will forward your details to the local Buddhist leader. Alternatively, message me privately and I will find out who your local leader is through internal channels (all our Buddhist centres are staffed by volunteers so sometimes there is a delay with processing a request).

Please do not suffer alone.

https://sgi-uk.org/

stop the over time
if the work cannot be done in the time then so be it.

Thank you so much for posting.

Similar situation, grown severely unhappy and only hope I’ve made enough mistakes in recent weeks to be out.

When I spoke to a support agency, they sign posted to ‘boundaries at work’ whilst I can’t share my attachments it is google-able
https://employmentautism.org.uk/setting-workplace-boundaries/

I’ve resorted to taking a days annual leave here and there just to get a breather. Going sick doesn’t seem right.

First, I'm so sorry you (and your exploited co-workers) are going through this. It's not fair and shouldn't happen.

Remember that it's not your fault, and try to spoil yourself as much as you can in your free time. The advice up thread about diet and exercise, joining a union, and keeping a record of everything is good.

My university used to offer a free careers service to graduates. I used mine, and it was very helpful. It felt like coming up for air after years of mostly just going down rabbit holes of second-hand advice online. Actually having a conversation with a real person who was engaged in my situation helped clarify things, plus, practically, I received some excellent guidance about writing applications, which has helped a lot in subsequent years.

If there is an extra-curricular activity or volunteering opportunity you feel able to get involved in that recharges your batteries instead of the opposite, it could help to go for it. It could be a counterweight to the awfulness of work, and can be useful in job hunting too.

Do you need to stay in London, or would you consider moving?

Volunteering sounds like a good idea too.

I found my way into a very competitive career mostly through volunteering.

Saying this, most volunteering takes place Mondays to Fridays and you are working full-time.

Could you negotiate your hours to allow for volunteering to build up on your skills and experience?

Sayting this, there is one volunteering activity that is definitely happening on Sundays. I know because I am part of it.

I am volunteering for LibDems on Sundays to put as many of our candidates as possible for London counsellors elections next May. (Every other party is doing exactly the same. I just happen to volunteer for LibDems).

Knocking on people doors might sound terrifying. However, lots of training is given and there is no push for targets. People go at individual pace. There is absolutely no set limit when someone must stop shadowing and go solo. At the end we tend to pile into a local coffee shop for a cup of hot chocolate. I would say, overall, it's fun (after the initial terrifying stage - which is a good prep for any interview).

I have already brought a very shy relative with me. They did not speak at all during the first session (sessions last 1.5-2 hours on Sunday afternoons). To my surprise, this relative did some canvassing during the second session. We are doing it again this coming Sunday. If you would like to join please message me privately for details. You wouldn't need to become a LibDem member, you could join as an associate which is free.

I also have autism but not been given any reasonable adjustments as I’d have to go through one of the toxic managers to ask for this who will likely see it as an unfair advantage and it will make her resent me even more.

I'm autistic and every workplace I have been in has been toxic, but you have to tell your manager and request these reasonable adjustments.

They have to be given the opportunity to deny them, and you have to make sure you have followed everything up on email so there is a paper trail of everything, even if the discussion is a phone call.

You have to give them the opportunity to wither accept your requests, refuse your requests and evidence them as unreasonable or show themselves up as discriminatory so you can take legal recourse.

It is also absolutely appropriate to take time off sick with stress, and I have done so with the support of my GP, while reasonable adjustments are either put in place or are not put in place so you can exercise your right to legal action. Taking time off can help you maintain a certain level of executive functioning that you're not always able to do when working due to the daily demands, which can help you make better life choices.

Whether you do or don't is entirely up to you, but there can be benefits to it.

If you haven't already, join a union, and ask for a referral to occupational therapy to discuss reasonable adjustments.