I'm really struggling with my job, and I don't know what to do for the best.
I'm a lowish level middle manager at a company. My team consists of 17 people in total, 4 of those are direct reports. I interviewed for my current role ~6 years ago as an internal applicant. I've got a long (and 100% positive) employment history within the same company. I work part time (0.6 FTE), and have worked part time since I took the role (and before that for a number of years).
My workload is totally unmanageable and I feel like I am drowning. Our wider company, and my specific department within the company (my team is just one team in a bigger department) is growing very rapidly and everyone is SO busy. It's like nothing I've ever known before and just seems to be the new "normal".
As a result of how busy we are everyone is struggling, mistakes are being made, things are being missed. My wider team includes some junior members and there are performance issues. Although these are not my direct reports I'm constantly supporting their managers to navigate these issues, and I am totally overwhelmed.
Generally speaking I am finding that I just don't really enjoy people management. I don't think I'm very good at it. Although my performance reviews since I took on the role have all been positive. My manager is OK - supportive but it's all a bit "empty". They have made some decisions over the years that I haven't agreed with, but I've always been overruled, and often it has turned out my preferred approach would probably have better outcomes in the long run, but I'm the one dealing with the fallout. They tell me to back myself, make my own decisions, etc. but when I do they often disagree with my approach and ultimately overrule me. As such my confidence is at rock bottom and I just constantly second guess myself.
These last few months have just been one issue after another, I'm constantly getting dragged away from what I am supposed to be doing and dealing with other issues. I'm exhausted and in a very negative headspace and I dread going into work. I've talked to my manager - although not to the point of being brutally honest - and the advice is always "delegate!" however I have a team who are all feeling overworked themselves, and I'm concerned for their wellbeing too, so practically this just doesn't make sense.
I think I currently have over 300 unread emails that I just can't find the time to get to. I'm always rushing from one thing to another, no time to feel adequately prepared for anything. Often I finish a day/week at work and can't actually summarise what I've meaningfully achieved.
Ultimately I don't know what to do. I keep thinking about getting signed off work for a couple of weeks so I can get my head straight, but I'm worried that may make me look weak. Furthermore all the problems will likely be amplified when I go back as if I ever have time off (annual leave) I come back to even more to catch up on. But maybe if I was signed off with work stress that would at least open up the conversation properly, as whenever I try and raise concerns I feel like my feelings are dismissed "You're doing a great job, etc.".
What I would ultimately like at this point is to be able to find another role within the company, even if it's at a slightly lower level, without management responsibility. I'd like to go back to being a single contributor and doing a role that feels more tangible (I used to have a more practical hands on role previously and I've totally lost that aspect now).
However being part time I think realistically finding another department who would be happy to have me on p/t hours, given how busy literally everyone is, would be slim to none. I did once inquire about a secondment to ask if they'd consider a p/t candidate and I got a flat "No".
Going back full time could be an option but ultimately not what I really want for various personal reasons.
I really don't want to leave the company.
Please help as I feel totally stuck.