Going back to work, is it going to be awful? Need to make decisions this week

[twinkleymum]

Going back to work in September, I cant get it out of my head, I'm so worried about leaving DD. Will she still know I'm her Mum? I cried about this yesterday. Work want me back 3 days per week and there does not seem to be any alternative, I have to go back but 3 days seems like alot and whole days 9-5.30. In a perfect world I'd just do mornings but that is not an option. DD will be at the on-site nursery who have said I can phone or pop in any time during the day which is great but I will miss her so much. Does everyone feel like this? I have to make a decision this week or lose the nursery place. If I did 2.5 days would that work or will DD be confused at doing half a day and then other times a whole day? I havent discussed this with my boss.

yes it is v. hard
but yes she will still know you are her mum.
september is still a long way away don't ruin the rest of your maternity leave worrying about it please.

try 3 days and reduce it if it seems too much.

good luck and have a lovely maternity leave.

I am on mat leave with my DC2 at the moment. After DD (2.5) I went back for 3 days. DD went to nursery from 8-5 for 3 days. To start with it was hard but on the bright side it was nice to be at work again for many reasons. I and DD soon got used to it. I think the secret is to find childcare you ar happy with. DD still goes to the same nursery and she loves it. She has never forgotten who I am either. You and your DD will be fine

If you dont need to go back to work why do it?? If you have to work then I think this sounds like a good plan. You still have 4 full days with your child and trust me she wont forget you are her mummy. You can always go along at lunch times and take her for a walk etc, make that hour of the day special for both of you. IMO though if you dont need to go back to work, DONT.

She'll still know that you are her mum, on the 4 days a week you'll be together it will be more special, and she'll have a lovely time.

Start with 3 days and see how it goes - half a day more trouble than its worth imo

it is horrid at the start - I am going back full time in Sept and number 3. I have cried each time. It takes me about a week. I wish i didn't have to go back but there are all kinds of reasons why I do and when I am back I'll be fine.

You will be fine too and your dd will be fine. Both of mine hav eloved nursery and never want to leave (unless I am a terrible mother ??). It will be tough at the start and then you'll be used to it. 3 days will be perfect - I am very .

I left my first 23 years ago to return to work 5 days a week full time and she was fine. She certainly knows who her mother is, she continued breastfeeding and I really don't see any difference in our relationship (or those of the other 4 children) because I worked.

Children like continuity and certainty so as long as they know what happens on what day they will be fine. You will probably find it quite fun to be back at work anyway too.

Yes Singyswife I have to go back. Thinking about it though I could reassess this after the initial 3 months. Thanks everyone for your thoughts I think I will have to bite the bullet and write the letter. My boss has been very good to me, I know he is supposed to be but many aren't as lucky. The nursery is very good I know lots of people who use it and it can be very difficult to get a place, so again I've been lucky. Its just the reality of the whole thing is just dawning on me as I've got to put it in writing. That first day back will be awful

Well if it is a good nursery, as one of the previous posters said, continuity is the thing with children. Your dd will soon come to expect going to nursery and will love it and the hug you get when you come back for her will make it all worth it you'll see. Hope you make a decision soon. You will enjoy it and it will all work out fine.

it may be a LOT easier than you think. I went back when DS was 6 months at 3 days a week, later going up to 4 days. 3 days was ideal for me (less so for the office ) as I got plenty of time at home as well as enough time at work to feel I was doing something useful. Full days are easier than half days, you're either in work or home mode.

There are a lot of advantages to working outside the home: you appreciate the time you do have with your children, you get adult time and adult space, you get to have a cuppa and go to the loo in peace, not to mention being able to shop in your lunch break without a toddler shouting at you!

I just wanted to add my piece as I do do 2.5 days and have done since DS2 was 9 months and DS1 was 2. Please don't worry about the half day being confusing, it has never been an issue for us - on the contrary it's always the exciting day for DS1 when he knows I'm coming back after lunch. BUT I think that a visit during the day WOULD be confusing. I think they need to know that once they see you they're going home. Whenever I have had to pick up one of my sons during the day due to illness, I always make sure that the other one doesn't see me.

twinkleymum, it may not be awful at all. In fact, it may be great, especially if you like your job.

Your set up sounds very enviable too, a 3 day week and an on-site nursery.

And your DD will be a whole 3 months older than she is now. How old is she at the moment? Both times I have gone back to work I have been crying over it at about 5 months, then by the time the DDs turned 7 months I was desperate to go back.

Personally I am a better mother, a happier woman, a less stressed wife to DH and a more well-rounded person in general for working part time in a fulfilling job.

Try to relax and enjoy the rest of your leave!

DD is 7 months, will be 10mo when I go back. Not a good age for seperation anxiety

I echo what everyone else has said - those first few days are awful but it does get so much easier and you will actually enjoy being at work and your DD will enjoy nursery.

I went back 3 days a week when DS was about 7 months - he has enjoyed nursery from day 1 and still does (he is now nearly 2) - in fact, after about 12 months, mainly for financial reasons, I changed to 4 days a week and it has worked just as well. DS gets much more stimulation at nursery than he does at home, he has playmates there on hand etc and I get to do adult stuff at work (like having an uninterrupted lunch break etc).

Accept it will be hard at first but it really does get so much easier

I went back to work 3 days a week last month. DS was 12 months old when I went back. It's actually worked out fine for us, I'm enjoying the mix of being a mum for 4 days and doing something adult for me the other 3 days. You have to be happy with your childcare though, onsite nursery sounds fab!

What really worked for me was starting DS at nursery 3 weeks before I started work so I didn't have to deal with leaving him and starting work all at the same time. We could settle him in gradually. Then DP took holiday on my first week back at work - I felt happier that he was near incase DS needed anything so I was able to concentrate on work.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

I had a year off with DD and two months ago went back full time. I had a choice of going back to my old job 3 days a week or taking a promotion I was offered full-time. I knew I would be kicking myself if I didn't go for the promotion as it was my dream job. So I decided to give full time work a go.
The worse bit was the thought of going back, as soon as I was back I realised how much I missed working. I've got a cleaner and my DH is helping out more with the chores and now we can afford a holiday!
My time with my DD is really special but I know I need some time for myself and I get that from my lunchbreaks. Don't ruin the summer by dreading going back to work, you never know you might enjoy working, Good luck!

Hi Emkirky, v.interesting you took a promotion. I have since been offered another job elsewhere, hours negociable. I started another thread about this called something like 'should I change my job after maternity?'. I just don't know whether I will be able to apply myself when I go back, I didn't really like my job before but v.nervous about moving to a new one at this time. I really do need to make decisions I keep putting it off and you're right it is ruining my maternity leave a bit

I went to back f/t after both my children. DD actually settled in v. quickly, ds was a clingy baby/young child but once I'd left in the morning he was absolutely fine. Changes in routine were strange at first but you soon get used to it.

I think that if the parents are happy, children are happy.

I totally understand where your coming from on this. I am also due back in Sept and dreading it. I lost my original job due to restructuring and I am going back to a different, job, office, manager etc. I work in a rural town and trying to find good childcare is becoming impossible as the places are limited.

I am going to miss my DS so very much. It keeps me awake at night and the panic attacks are starting as well. I can't offer you any advice all I can say is your not alone .

I'm sorry to hear that cupcake. Hopefully some good childcare will come up, three months is still quite a while. Have you asked your employers HR dept if there is anywhere they recommend that's close to where you work, if not near where you live? Everyone keeps telling me that the thought is worse than the reality, I'm trying to let them convince me! Please try to enjoy the time left on your maternity leave and I'll try to do the same