Have I got away with it or not....?

[OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends]

For initial context, I absolutely cannot stand my boss. There I said it. He's arrogant, ruthlessly ambitious and really doesn't care one bit about anyone but himself (or what anyone thinks of him I guess, could be a bonus for him as I'm not the only one with these views!). I'm currently on a secondment to this role, and it pays significantly higher than my substantive job, which is why I haven't left or rocked the boat too much. In a nutshell, he just doesn't give a shit. I've had massive issues with a colleague he lines manages (again, my views are shared by many others who don't have to work closely with them) but has point blank refused to deal with them, or says he will and nothing happens. I had major surgery earlier this year and sick leave afterwards, he didn't say good luck, etc. check in on me once, and took two weeks to contact me when I came back.

The main thing is though, I work my absolute arse off for this man. Public sector and can't claim overtime, but I work evenings and weekends to get his stuff done (even when the requests are completely unreasonable) - yes it's also because I desperately want to provide I can work at this level in a permanent role (away from him) but that's by the by. Not once has he ever said THANK YOU. Never. Not even a little thumbs-up reaction via Outlook.

So today he was presenting some slides to a fairly large group. These slides take me hours upon hours to do, but the content relies on what other people submit to me (think a team briefing type thing). I joined the session online from home but was in the background with camera off - he starts picking faults with the slides and things he had expected to see but weren't on there (I'm given free reign, never had any guidance or template, etc). and I may have said OH FOR FUCKS SAKE REALLY.... Next thing he's asking if everyone could make sure they're muted as he just heard some language he didn't like - turns out I wasn't muted - MORTIFIED. However, as the slides were on screen he won't have been able to see who was muted or not, and he hasn't contacted me the rest of the day to flag it up. None of my colleagues on the call have mentioned anything either.

I'm on leave after today until after Christmas - I will be out of the country and doing NO work and NO emails. He has the attention span of a goldfish so I don't think he'll pick it up after that - but I now feel I'm going to worry while I'm away!

Do you think I've got away with it?

Sorry this is long - anxiety, dysthymia, ASD and ADHD don't help my brain one bit!

Don't mention it. He probably either noticed and didn't care or didn't notice who it was.

But also stop martyring yourself for free. As you've learned, no one will thank you for it.

I've said this so many times, but if the work doesn't get done then it will cause more consequences for me - I've made detailed work plans which show how many hours I'm spending on tasks but they get ignored. My colleague is also off sick at present and I'm picking her stuff up too - should have added that in. However, they will be without both of us now for 3 weeks so will have to manage!

Oh and he definitely noticed, he passed comment on the language - but don't think he could see everyone on screen to notice who was unmuted (hopefully!). It's a bit rich coming from him anyway given the swearing he does normally...

join your union OP he sounds like a nightmare

Aw Op, this made me chuckle. Yes, you have got away with it. But in the unlikely event it comes up, just turn it around - as in,’ well I could use some guidance if you want specific things’

I worked in roles which did not pay overtiime, many don’t, but the salary reflected that. If yours doesn’t , then have a think about how much of yourself you want to give.

Sadly our union rep is the colleague I have issues with!

@Dearg you're not the first person I've made laugh with it today, and tbh I'll be laughing myself before long. Salary is decent but career progression right now non-existent - also single with a large mortgage so stepping back down isn't an option. Hoping we're having an imminent restructure and he'll be off to terrorise some other poor teams!

Stop doing unpaid overtime. You are diminishing the value of your time by doing this.
If things don't get done & impact others then you point out that what you were asked to complete within your working hours was not feasible. His lack of planning is not your fault. Let the shite roll upwards & he can deal with it - do not then take blaming from him. This is HIS problem.
Hopefully with both you & your colleague off it will become apparent just how much you actually do for him.

You didn’t say “these fucking slides are fine, you’re a knob”. So if it does get mentioned, you say - the dog was doing something annoying, the doorbell went for the 5th time that day… basically a million other reasons that could have made you say FFS.

Or… own it and say yes, you were being a dick 😜

Yeah no that's not good enough.

Sorry to be blunt but you're not "proving you can work at this level" by working unpaid overtime on your evenings and weekends.

What you're doing is proving two things - one, that you can't work at this level, if you could you'd be able to get the work done within your hours (whether that's a flaw with you or the workload is irrelevant) and two, that you're happy to be taken advantage of and won't complain or kick up a stink about it.

All you're doing is setting yourself up for a lifetime of being taken advantage of by people like your current boss.

It's NHS - at my level it's under our contract to work the hours required to get the job done....

Up to a point.

If you carry on at this level you will burn out and end up being signed off, then they will have no-one doing the work, or people scrabbling around to cover it. That's on their side, and on your side it will adversely affect your mental and physical health.

So you don't just get on and do the work. You point out that it is overwhelming and too much, and if they don't listen then you get another job.

You are proving nothing. You can't work at this level, no one can. All you are doing is unpaid work.

I think that you have got away with it Op. Harder for him to prove anything now unless the meeting was recorded!

But re your last comment, I have never seen that in a NHS contract re working all the hours required to get the job done. Even very senior roles.

Ok not worded as such, but as Band 8a and above can't claim overtime, it's expected to put the time in to get the work done. There are a lot more people working longer and harder even than I do when they're on site with patients...

8a and above? That's certainly not the case in all NHS organisations. Lots of my colleagues and I are above that banding and we manage a good work / life balance. Your organisation is taking the piss, and you are letting it.

You got away with it so go on your holiday and relax, why are worried about getting pulled up about it anyway, just make up an excuse….you knocked your coffee cup over, you twisted your ankle when you went to stand from your chair etc.

Also, just so you are aware, your not being looked to like “she has this and can manage this at management level” your being looked at like “ she doesn’t value her time so it’s meaningless and we can get away with paying her a lot less as she just continues to do it cheaper……mug”.

When it comes to the work place, if you’re not thinking like a man, then you’re screwing yourself over.

If he says anything just style it out and apologise because you stubbed your toe on the edge of the desk, or the cat spilled your water over your keyboard, or something like that. And stop doing unpains labour!

I work for the NHS and none of our 8as are expected to work evenings and weekends, it’s unheard of. It’s frowned upon. If they did, then their suitability would be questioned about why they were struggling to finish work in their contracted hours

Look for another job. You are being taken for a ride here.

you need to claim lieu time
just take it back

Time to read up about quiet quitting

I worked like you did pre-children, once I had children I couldn’t work like that. I had to be work smarter not harder and be more efficient.

You need to have more respect for your own time. It’s crazy to be doing that much free overtime and I say that as a teacher who still does extra out of school but nowhere like what I did before