Unwanted attention from colleague

[AnxiousKitty]

Hi. I'm looking for some advice, please.

I recently started a new job and there has been this one male colleague who has been giving me unwanted attention.

There have been instances where he stands too close, or touches my arm or hand unecessarily. I think I've been able to ignore it and pretend he was just being friendly because that's been easier but then he messaged me this weekend to ask me out.

I now feel so uncomfortable and am dreading going into work. I suffer from anxiety anyway, so this is just making it spike and has ruined my weekend (I realise this probably seems overdramatic but it's how I feel). He's old enough to be my dad and has a daughter my age which just adds to my discomfort.

I honestly just feel like handing in my notice tomorrow but I can't really afford to do that but I really don't want to see him. It's a small organisation so it's not like I can avoid him.

Does anyone have advice for feeling less awkward and uncomfortable? I don't particularly want to speak to a manager or HR about this. Is my best option just to resign?

Thanks.

Well done for seeking support! I was going to suggest keeping a diary / log of what happens and when / where and if anyone sees it - good luck

Well done @AnxiousKitty for confiding in your manager. You have the right to work without unwanted attention. Sadly this is more common than it should be. You might want to consider saying "don't touch me" if it happens again, short, to the point but blunt. I can't stand being touched especially by acquittances, nobody has the right to touch me unless I allow it. Block the number too, if you need to engage about work send an email. Your manager will know why you've taken these steps but lets hope their informal chat will get the reaction of "I'm sorry I made her feel uncomfortable, I will change my behaviour".

Also if he tries to nominalise /minimalisehis behaviour as just me / I’m tactile etc just come back with inappropriate unwanted creepy grooming overfamiliar type words - good luck but make sure you put your barriers up around you, and don’t let him cross these

Thank you for all the support, advice and checking in. It's helped me more than you can know, and I appreciate it so much. I was on a late shift today, so I've only just got home, so that's why it's a late update, for those who asked for one.

He was back today. I got a big smile and a cheery greeting, as if nothing had happened. Fortunately, another colleague was already talking to me, so I just gave a polite hello and then focused on my other colleague. After they had both moved on, I did start shaking for a bit, which was not a reaction I was expecting, and I really had to focus on my breathing to prevent a full-on anxiety attack. I'm hoping that's just because it's the first time I've had to see him since everything.

His number has been blocked, I've blocked him on WhatsApp, so he can't even reach me in the work group chat, and my social media has always been private, so hopefully he won't be able to find me or contact me there.

I am currently looking for a new job. I know people have said not to resign, but it's not worth the anxiety. I will try to stay until I find a new job, though, and if anything further happens, I will make sure to document and try to be more assertive, so thanks to all who have offered suggestions and advice on what to do or say.