Dilemma- previous team member "let go" and wants to chat

[BoldDenimStork]

Looking for some outside perspective because I've said I'd help when tired and not really thought it through

One of my former direct reports at my old company (I haven't worked at this org for nearly 3 years) has recently been "let go" from his old post. I stopped being his line manager around 3 years ago when I stopped working at said org so I have no insight whatsoever on the situation.

I want to be kind and want to help, but being "let go" is broad and I do not want to be dragged into a HR matter, even if I haven't worked there for years- I think there is potential reputational risk there.

Ive said to then that I'd be happy to have a quick phone call to see if I can help but also made them aware that there may be things I will not want to or cannot discuss or comment on.

Have I messed up majorly by even saying yes to a phone call?

Do they want to get their job back, or complain about it, or is this advice about getting a new job? I would send a follow up to say you can give pointers on the latter, but can't get involved in the former.

Thanks, they haven't said, which is why ive sent a message saying that I am happy to see if I can help but there are things I wont want to discuss. Do you think thats enough for now?

I don't think you've messed up majorly. I think that you'll get a sense pretty quickly on the call about whether it's appropriate or not. If it isn't, you can shut it down really quickly with a 'I'm really sorry, but I'm just not able to give any advice on this'/ 'I'm sorry, but this isn't somthing I'm able to help with'. No need to give a reason. But maybe suggest they approach an employment lawyer or their union, etc, if appropriate?

Perhaps they want to sound you out for a reference?

Assuming you had a good relationship, I xant see why you wouldn't do this. Obviously, you are not going to talk to him about any confidential issues or get directly involved, but this person is likely looking for advice and/or networking opportunities.

Different if tou thought he was totally incompetent and its a miracle he wasnt let go sooner.

You haven't messed up or pushed your own boundaries at all imo. A quick call is a quick call. Let him ring or Zoom you and have another meeting or appointment planned for 5, 10 or 15 mins later - whichever you feel is the right length of time.

I think it is kind to give someone a small amount of your time if it might help them. If he puts you in a difficult position or makes tough demands, just say no or that you can't agree on the spot and will email him.

I think you are acting perfectly appropriately so far.

I had a chat or two in similar situations often it’s someone looking for

a) a personal reference for their work up until the point you left, as they think they’ll get a “bad reference” from the employer
b) a sounding board and some sympathy or reassurance
c) advice on the wider job market and if you’re aware of any vacancies

I’m fairly sure he’ll be looking for help or advice on job hunting. It’s easy to provide advice on CV or interview technique without actually offering him a job (which will be what he wants).

He might also want to vent to which you say “oh dear that sounds as it if was very difficult for you” and nothing more.

At this point he's just an ex work acquaintance, neither of you work there any more how can you be in trouble for anything? Just have a chat and see what he wants, could be a reference or to see if there are any jobs going where you work now. He might be fishing about the circumstances under which you left if he's going to make a fuss about being 'let go', if so just don't bite (unless you want to, but it sounds like you wouldn't).

I’m a big believer in being more human than corporate in these situations. I hate how when someone is in difficulties at work all their previously friendly colleagues start acting like they’re radioactive.

It sounds like you have a good idea of what you can and can’t do to help him. No harm, and some good, in being nice.

You left three years ago and are under no moral, professional or be kind obligation to give your time to former colleagues, never mind your help. Especially someone who was just a 'direct report', not even someone you kept in touch with.

Got to wonder why he's coming to you now... because you were a nice lady boss/soft touch? Why hasn't he told you why he was fired, or what he wants your help with? Would you contact your boss from three years ago if you were in trouble at the place he/she used to work?

I think you're right to be concerned about 'potential reputational risk'. My own experience of an ex-colleague contacting me out of the blue was not a good one.

I'd keep it very neutral and say sorry, it's a long time since I was there and I'm not the best person to help you. If he says 'but you said you would help me' repeat that it's not something you can get involved with. And then leave an awkward silence, if need be! Best not to apologise, or give reasons or excuses.

I would give them 5-10mins of my time, then move on.

I’ve been a manager for years and don’t feel I stop just because I haven’t worked with them for years. Be nice on the way up as you’ll see them on the way down and that’s my motto. My last manager made me head of dept, gave me great reviews and awards
and then a younger person who didn’t know my line of work came in and put me on a PIP and eventually made me redundant (apparently not due to performance issues). If my old Manager hadn’t have supported me during that time to give me perspective on how it really worked in the ivory tower I would have gone loopy! I truly value their support and my mentors. So at least give them some time. You never know when you might need to return the favour!

Having gone through the experience of being let go 2 years ago, well you remember who was kind to you (I'm talking giving 10 minutes of your time to give sympathy and advice, offering to give your a reference, letting you know of job offers in their company) and who treated you like a leper. As @Reallyneedsomejustice says, you never know if you will be the one asking for help at some point in the future

I got sacked around 20 years ago, it was my own fault but I still remember who was kind to me both during and afterwards
I think 10 minute of your time wouldn't be a lot to give and if aftr that he asks you to do something you are uncomfortable with then just refuse
Also be careful what you say, if h majorly slags off an individual or says anything contraversial just say something non commital