How to deal with gaslighter at work

[unleashthebook]

I am a freelancer who does a lot of work for a particular company, it’s basically my bread and butter and I’d struggle without it.

The person who gives me the work is often difficult to deal with, especially if things go awry. It’s not from my end, it’s more her giving me false information then claiming she hasn’t done so, she will go around the houses with excuses and claiming I said this and she said that, when it would be so much easier if she just said “oh, I sent you the incorrect info, I’ll rectify that”. I already try and do as much as possible by email so there’s a paper trail but she can take ages to reply so often it’s a case of having to speak on the phone.

There isn’t anyone else above her I can deal with, she’s a department manager and nobody else gets involved with the work she does (plus they’re a tight knit company and me saying anything to her boss wouldn’t go down well)

I don’t have any other options but to carry on with this company unless I change jobs altogether but I’m struggling with how to deal with her.

How about emailing her to confirm what was in the phone conversation. 'Good to speak with you earlier Jane regarding the project. Just wanted to reconfirm what we discussed so my understanding is correct. Project deadline 25th Jan 2026 and to take into account the figures you provided of x y z based on your estimated turnover of a b c etc etc bla bla. Please let me know if anything needs amending in that information.' Best regards 3horseshoes.

Agree

Yes this^ Always sned confirmation of what you understand your instructions to be.

This! Confirm the conversation in writing. That way you are covering your butt and she gets an opportunity to correct any misunderstanding.

First post nails it. Confirm all verbal communication in writing, then you can throw it back at her when she says she didn’t tell you wrong info

Yep. I'm permanent in my company but also having to do this with my new programme manager who is both flaky and a micromanager, which is a terrible combination.

Everything confirmed in a quick email with a couple of bullet points.

It’s often really small things though, which on their own don’t seem worth confirming in an email every time but I’ll definitely do more of that.

Yeah, and normally I'd agree and a normal manager wouldn't need that level of CYA, but in this instance I'd say the more confirmations the better after phone calls.

Absolutely this

Can you send her a MS teams message to the same effect. Teams can work inter-company. That or a short text to the same?

I used to confirm my understanding in writing to my monstrous gaslighter of a manager but it only made her hate me more. So think about what this will achieve if there’s no one else you can go to. You may just need to let it go and quietly look for a new key client.

Yes, I often do text her to clarify things, but she has a habit of ringing me rather than reply to the text which isn’t helpful as she can bluster her way through (and lie some more)