Odd colleague behaviour in new job

[Cocteautwin6]

I started a new job a few months ago along with another new colleague. We’re both fairly experienced in our field, but we’ve joined a team where a few people have been there a long time (20 years plus!) and are very resistant to change. There were no proper systems in place, so the two of us have been putting some structure around things to help the team work more efficiently. It’s been tricky but we’re doing this tactfully and it’s been received well on the whole.
There is one team member though who has been consistently difficult. They have been rude, dismissive, and when we have tried to introduce something that would help the team, they tell us it isn’t needed - despite our manager saying the opposite. When they’ve been asked to take on tasks by our manager, they do not get done and they have tried to push them onto us, or ask us to show them what to do. In a nutshell they miss deadlines, complain a lot, and derail meetings by asking for help with basic things - which ends up using hours of our time each week.
Recently they lost it in a meeting and stated that they had complained to our manager that we are the problem, after we’d politely said no to some work they tried to pass off on to us (work that was specifically given to them by the manager.) Even though we’ve taken on far more work than them and have tried to be helpful and collaborative.
Our manager arranged a meeting with all of us, and they denied everything. No apology, no acknowledgement, just complete denial of behaviour that me and my colleague have both seen repeatedly.
Our manager didn’t seem to believe this version (even said in private our colleague has been pulled up on micro aggressions before) but I’ve still come away feeling really unsettled and almost gaslit. It’s such a strange feeling when someone flat-out denies something you’ve definitely experienced.
I’m not sure how to handle things going forward. Do I just stay polite but distant? Pretend it didn’t happen? Fully aware I’m new and don’t want to step on toes but we both feel like we’ve walked into an alternate universe - both me and my colleague have never seen behaviour like this.

Sounds like the colleague is very set in their ways and reluctant to change - Is it possible to put everything in writing?, then you would have some sort of audit trail and evidence to show your manager in the future? Tricky though, sounds like your manager is well aware of this person's issues but isnt going to do anything about it!

It sounds very frustrating, are you this person’s Line Manager?

Definitely. We’ve both started putting everything in writing, but yeah bit concerned that my manager isn’t doing more - particularly if they’ve upset others in the past!

Nope, we all have the same manager but they tend to be very hands off!

If you don't have direct line management responsibility for the problem people, and you all work for the same manager, then I think unfortunately I think the only way is to make the manager deal with it.

It's often quite easy for people to be arsey and awkward to colleagues without getting into too much trouble. It's quite different when they give that attitude to their line manager.

If your manager totally backs the changes you are introducing, then they will need to use their authority to help implement them, both to protect you and your colleague from unacceptable behaviour and to actually make things happen.

As a slight compromise you may need to indulge a few of the requests for you to show them how to do things so that no one can say you aren't being supportive, even if the requests aren't really in good faith.

As an aside, it's refreshing to see a thread about unprofessional behaviour from older people rather than people complaining about "Gen Z in the workplace".

I think your manager took you and the other new starter on to tackle the culture and personalities because your manager can’t. Maybe they tried ( and tried ) but gave up. You and colleague are experienced and ‘fresh eyes’.

I think you may need to make sure that you don’t gossip behind this person’s back with your new colleague and focus more on your own interactions and finding ways to move forward on your own. The use of ‘we’ in your story was peppered throughout it sounded as though you are joined at the hip. All too often when a promotion or opportunity comes up, the ‘we’ can quickly change.

I can (and have) see this from both sides.
Absolutely the behaviour in meetings etc shouldn't be happening. However it can be frustrating when someone who is brand new comes in and thinks everything needs changing. Often there are reasons why things are done the way they are.
Of course sometimes its just "habit" and does need changing but not always
Have you sat with the colleague or in writing asked why processes are the way they are before suggesting changes?
The behaviour should not be tolerated regardless of what is suggested and its your line managers responsibility to sort that out

You have a choice - battle on or use the experienced gained to find another job.
Because if your LM is weak and that colleague resistant it ain’t gonna change much.

The changes are specific to the job we do, governance etc, and have come about due to changes within the department. (Trying to be discreet here…) plus, we were tasked by the manager to do them when we started.

Just do not take any work off them. Lazy bugger. If they hate you that's the tough shit on them frankly. You and colleague did nothing wrong. Just be civil but basically try and forget they exist.

Very sensible advice! I’ll take that 😂

@BillieWiper this is correct!!

It might benefit you to find out what is happening with this colleague. Why are they behaving this way? What happened in the lead up to you joining? Were they poorly managed or sidelined? Have they been there a long time and their input was ignored or dismissed? Did they want your job and told not to apply?

People don’t always act like dicks for no reason. Often they have been treated badly by management. A friend of mine once started a job and was shunned by the person who was supposed to be handing work over to her and training her. The whole team was off with her. The company sacked her three weeks later citing that it wasn’t working. It turned out no one knew she was starting until her first day and everyone was really annoyed about it. The employee who shunned her was pretty justified in being angry about the situation so don’t assume you are being told the truth about this difficult person.

I would listen to this person. Get them onside. Ask for their input. See what happens.

Good points here, I suspect something may be happening like this.

Then I think you just politely say LM agreed the changes, if there are any questions/problems please ask them.
I hope it settles down for you

At least then you will have covered all the bases. If they really are difficult then you will know for yourself. If they have been sidelined or treated poorly they will hopefully feel heard. It will go in your favour if you are seen to tame them/get them on side.

I wouldn’t always believe what I’m told about staff purely based on the fact that there are so many bad managers knocking about.

It is concerning that LM not doing more. Is LM in meeting they are derailing?

If they are missing tasks it is on them. Just make sure they aren’t saying you and other newbie agreed to do it. Perhaps drop email to LM saying we were asked to do x. Unfortunately I had to advise colleague that we don’t have capacity.

Have you been tasked on giving training for new procedures?

That’s exactly what’s happened - she said she went to LM after we said we didn’t have capacity. Our LM is lovely but she is very relaxed and doesn’t tend to get involved. I find it bizarre that she set them these actions but doesn’t expect them to get done.

Sorry, missed the new procedures comment. No we haven’t but we have been giving training anyway.

I worked with someone like this and, as far as I could see, it was down to years of poor management. The person did what they wanted to do and nothing more. If asked to do something else/more the drama was horrendous. Keep your distance. This is for the manager to deal with.

You have a manager problem! The staff member knows that your manager is weak. Don't allow yourself to become the focus of the acting-out staff member. Do everything via email - notify manager when staff member refuses work. Find another job if this pattern persists and you can't keep yourself separate.

This is your manager's problem to solve. You just need to remain polite but assertive about not doing the colleague's job for them. Document everything - any verbal interaction should be followed up by an email that Cc's the manager e.g. "Just for clarification and so that we have a written record for future reference, I wasn't in a position to take on (x task) today as you asked me to because my workload on (y and z) is already sufficient to fill my time" - if the colleague isn't doing the job then it's u0 to manager to instigate disciplinary action, and in the event of disciplinary action escalating they need documentary evidence of a pattern of unacceptable behaviour. Keep everything civil though and do not try to manage or influence the situation beyond politely declining to do things for colleague that go beyond your manager's instructions.

Another thing to keep in mind - even if your manager is doing something about it it’s very unlikely you’ll know about it.

Performance Improvement Plans, and another performance management actions are very slow burn and rightly shouldn’t be common knowledge.

All you can do is your own role, professionally, making no assumptions about what someone should or shouldn’t be able to do themselves. If you have delivery issues in your own work, flag it to your own manager. If you’re getting requests from others for support, you can ask them to ping you a note through, or pop you a quick message with when suits and what they want you to cover. Gentle way of keeping a clear record of requests.

Your performance is between you and your line manager. Same applies to others. If there’s someone who’s dead weight then your only concern should be your role.

There’s almost certainly something underlying. Possibly they put in the last process. Possibly they’ve been trying to get change for a while and ignored. Possibly you’ve been hired on a higher pay point. Possibly their friend also applied and they think they should have got it.

Last note - do not create an us and them between new and older staff. It just creates an environment for divides to grow. Even if that means rhe two new people deliberately separating themselves some times.

Polit, distant, and determined.