WWYD…..AIBU?!

[Whatwyd]

Help please…..I’ve worked in a higher education admin for 3 years which I’ve completely loved and a few months ago was promoted internally to an executive assistant role in the university I work for which is quite a fair few rungs up the ladder to what I was before, it was daunting and I went from being part time to full time which I didn’t 100% love especially as I have a young child who will be starting school next year. When I started the new job we lived fairly close to my office but our house was up for sale and we’ve subsequently moved quite a way away to live with family and I now have a fairly sizeable commute. At first I absolutely hated the job, it was really daunting, I doubted myself no end, was really thrown in at the deep end to fend for myself and hated the commute - especially getting home just as my child was going to bed. In that time when feeling quite down, I saw and I applied for a similar local term time only job at a school. I was lucky enough to get an interview and then successful in getting the job. It’s less money and a slightly lower job but term time only so would have the holidays off etc.
What I really really didn’t anticipate in that time between applying for the job and being offered it, was that I actually started to like my current job. I’ve just about settled into it. I’m actually pretty good at it after doubting myself no end. The person I’m EA to and I have a good working relationship and I’m now an established go to member of the team. The school job seems great and gets me out of the commute but the day to day does comes across like I’m going to be bored within a year or 2 and I’m worried it will limit my career prospects when I come out the other side.
Am I absolutely mad to reconsider the tto job? My family think I am and it’s caused quite an issue with my husband who can’t believe I’m reconsidering the offer.
Long term I know my current job isn’t 100% sustainable especially when my daughter starts school next year etc with the commute but I just thought I could keep this job up for a few more months to get more experience and look to move into a new local role when she starts school. I’m currently 2 days wfh which I wouldn’t get at the school. I could potentially request 3 days wfh and if they said yes I think i would stay but I honestly don’t know if I would get that. In terms of the school role, there’s no wfh which means my husband would need to do school pick up and drop off himself all year round and I’m not sure he’s really thought about that. The school job seems pretty easy and the people nice but it’s also a job I can see myself getting bored of within 2 years and then what?! I can’t help thinking that for now I should stay where I am for a few more months and maybe look for a job with better remote working opportunities as opposed to tto. I feel like I’ve done so well to get my current job and will now be leaving when I’ve only just begun. I am so so lucky to have another job offer but I’m not sure it’s 100% for me although it does get my out of the commute and it is tto which would make things far easier for holidays etc. I’m really torn. Has anyone ever been in a similar position?

Wwyd? Am I being ridiculous?! I am aren’t I…..

I haven't been in your position, but from what you've said, I'd stay in the job you have, at least for now. Is your daughter starting school next September? You have a good few months yet to plan for that.

It sounds as if you've really developed personally and professionally in the time you've been in that job. The longer you stay there, the more experience you'll have if and when you do start looking for something else, and you'll have more options, whether that's to progress, or to stay at the same level.

It sounds as if the tto job might be quite limiting in terms of opportunities to progress and to develop skills and experience.

You say you've moved to live with family. Is that long term, or are you planning to move again at some point?

Do whatever makes you happy, but don’t limit/reduce your career ambition/ability just based on your child and a commute, in my opinion.

Both me and my wife have to commute lots, we use afterschool club/family and manage our diaries but means we can still focus on our careers, which ultimately benefits our daughter.

Everyone will have their own view, but the only one that matters is yours.

How will you cover school holidays?

Thanks, that’s a good question, I don’t have that entirely down yet. I guess I’m asking for advice from the millions of other working parents that have somehow made it work….

Thanks, that’s really good advice - how do you make it work if you don’t mind me asking? How do you make the holidays work? Holiday clubs predominantly? Do you feel you have adequate time off with your children?

We live with family at the moment but it’s plan to move closer to a station whilst still close to them that would cut the commute time down. My husbands fully remote at the moment however he’d like the option to commute back into London with a new role if it presented itself and is nervous of both of us commuting on the same day in case the school calls us etc and we need to come back which is fair enough.

Hmm, thats a tough one. What's the difference in pay and what impact would that have? Are there other package aspects to consider ref pension etc?

As a starting point you could ask about the 3 days WFH in your current role so you know if it's an option at all.

The school holidays do become stressful to cover. I took TTO school jobs and used wraparound. I managed to find management roles that paid a bit more and were more interesting.

The tto role is a significant pay cut but I’m also paying for a train ticket now and obviously wouldn’t have holiday clubs to consider tto. I do however get a much higher pension in my current role. The tto pension is decent but not anywhere what I have now.

How safe is your uni from redundancies? Because professional service staff are being decimated sector wide, and that would concern me. Also add up commuting costs and costs for wrap around care for term time and holidays. That can quickly mount up to thousands. So the pay drop may not be as significant.

Ok this is interesting, thank you for your insight - in what way are they stressful? Holiday clubs always full? Is there career progression in tto only jobs? If I did this for a few years would be prospects be that great or is it dead end?

So, he is fully remote and able to handle pick ups, but doesn't want you to have a job with a commute just in case he wants to take a job with a commute later on? 🤔

We manage school holidays between us - holiday clubs, annual leave, have friends children when you’re off while they have yours when they’re off - it’s definitely manageable.

Wfh is much more relaxing with the school run, even if it’s only two days a week you’ll appreciate it. If you have a good working relationship I would speak to your boss and explain the whole situation - how you would like to stay and could they accommodate 3 days wfh. It sounds as though you’re doing well there and most orgs want to keep good staff rather than the faff of recruiting and retraining someone.
At times both my husband and I are working at a distance from their schools, we have two secondary school children and have never had a situation where one of us couldn’t get there in a reasonable amount of time. Most schools will understand if you’re at work you will get there as soon as you can.
Ultimately it’s your decision and your career, but make the right decision for you, not what others are telling you to do.

I know that where we are, I would struggle to cover the whole holidays with holiday clubs. Assuming 13 wks of holidays per year, say you used 4 out of 5 weeks work holiday each (saving 1 week together as a family holiday) you'd still have 5 weeks left unaccounted for.

Where we are I may be able to find the odd couple of weeks of activity clubs etc, but probably not until around the age of 8 upwards. And probably finishing between 3 and 4 each day. That'd be a stretch as well, may be different in other areas.

Good point - the new role I’ve been promoted to I think is pretty safe - given the level of executives I support I don’t think they’d get rid of me. If I was in my old role there, I’d be quite nervous of redundancy. Never say never but I’m certainly less nervous in this new role. The uni is doing ‘ok’ it’s not doing as badly as others that have laid off lots of professional services staff and certainly doesn’t have the financial black hole that other unis do that I’ve read about recently.

I guess I just keep thinking omg am I actually gonna hand in my notice next week, I can’t believe I’m doing this. Am I gonna massively regret this?!

Ime holiday clubs for ex can be stressful timeframe and often aren’t full time 9-5, more like 10-3. Lots of dc don’t enjoy them. I love having holidays off with dc (I’m a teacher). Like, love it so so much and my two are teenagers now-I still love the holidays off with them.

@Whatwyd don’t be talked out of staying in this job. Is your husband jealous of your success?

No definitely not like that. It’s just he witnessed me complain about this new job and commute and how I wanted a change of pace and is understandingly surprised and confused that I’ve suddenly changed my mind! He thinks I will change my mind again and therefore waste this opportunity which I do understand. I’m really torn. On the one hand I feel I may not be fully ready to leave my current role and on the other hand I know in life you’ve just gotta take an opportunity when it presents itself irrelevant of the timing. Just really conflicted.

Wondering also if anyone takes unpaid leave? I know each parent is entitled to 1 week per year unpaid leave and we could probably just about afford it.

@Whatwyd if you’re doing well they may well be willing to offer you more wfh days. I’d think carefully about what would make it work for you and see if it might be workable.

It sounds like you know what you want to do tbh and just need to figure out the logistics. You're allowed to change your mind about your current job!

A lot of companies are moving away from WFH and require staff in the office more. So finding one that let's you work from home more is not as easy as you think it will be.

I'm an EA, I've been looking and it's usually 3 days minimum in the office some even ask for 5. I currently do 1. So I'm stuck because I like working from home and it fits my lifestyle.

It's been 3 years since I worked in HE, I was an EA there too, and even they weren't exempt from redundancy or restructuring. Nothing is guaranteed.

I'd stay and see how it actually works out when your daughter starts school. We actually found the earlier years of school easier with wraparound, etc, as we just stuck them in the after school club and they didn't know any different. It was as they got older and they started wanting to do different things after school and/or stopped liking the club (as they tend to skew quite young in terms of activities) that it became harder. So I'd stay where you are, and review in a year once your daughter has had a full term of school.

You're saying you're potentially moving again, which will make the commute more manageable anyway? And it sounds like the benefits outway the negatives in your current role.