Please tell me calm work places exist

[WorkBreakingMe]

NC for obvious reasons. I come from an abusive childhood and seem to have managed to replicate this in my adult life. I found a loving partner, but I have had two tiny workplaces back to back with awful and very similar dynamics to my old home. People keep telling me "work politics happen everywhere" but either I'm out of touch with what's normal, or they don't realise how bad my bosses have been. Shouting, swearing, banging fists on the table, throwing things, threats of our jobs with the slightest mistake. These are not meant to be high paid or high pressure jobs. Please just tell me your own stories of what "normal" workplaces and politics look like. I'm tired of being so scared all the time and I'm worried this is just what working life is like.

No that's not normal I don't think, my office is nice and quiet, the most exciting thing that happens is when someone brings in a box of chocolate biscuits.
I'd be looking for a new job if I were you :)

Thats definitely not normal.
You'll always get people that dont like each other and have differing views, but shouting and swearing etc is a toxic workplace.

Do you work in sales? I've heard some horror stories from some friends about the awful pressurised, target driven atmospheres in sales jobs. I've never experienced what you are describing, sounds awful. Definitely look elsewhere, this isn't normal.

Not sales! Startups in two different sectors. I keep trying to get into larger organisations but keep getting rejected

Hello, OP, just popping on to let you know we're going to move this one over to work for you.

Is it men doing this?

Both times yes.

Not normal at all and should not be tolerated.

I work in a quite high pressure area but the managers are really good and do their best to keep the pressure off individuals.

I think small places can be the worst, especially perhaps if they are 'family businesses' as they may not have proper HR or safeguards in place and may be used as management to doing whatever they want.

In contrast I work in a high pressured highly paid job and people aren’t like this in the workplace!

Yes, there is/was no HR and yes, one of them was a "we're like a family" business. I start work in 2 hours. The anxiety is here all the time.

I used to work in a very small company where nothing much happened; it was quite boring. Then I moved to a big corporate job which I enjoyed for the first few years until the politics became too much, ended with burnout and had to quit as could not face it anymore.

I am going to work for a small company again; hopefully I won’t be bored.

Startup culture can be pretty toxic and very personality-driven; I think that’s your answer. A New York friend talked about having a stapler thrown at his head (which fortunately missed).

The job market has been very depressed for the last two years so I’m not surprised you’ve found it difficult to move. But things are opening up again, and I think your chances are probably better now than before.

I would suggest as an immediate coping strategy that you be kind to yourself. Use your PTO, destress as much as you can on the weekend and evenings. Stress at work is incredibly draining and you need to rest when you can and minimise your outside activities or chores (unless you are the kind of person who finds these recharging!).

Next, start building a LinkedIn network, really upgrade your profile and buzzwords showing what you can do. Make it easier for employers and recruiters looking for your skill set to find you. That’s half the work done for you if they start reaching out.

And then renew your search. You do need to get out of there and I promise not all offices are like this. I’m at a scale-up with a lovely culture. I also had a great job in government with some very kind people I am still in contact with. You can find one too! But do look at Glassdoor, ask around, and remember that you are interviewing the people you’ll work with as much as they are interviewing you.