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Original poster

Flowery and Ribena etc

14 replies

callmeovercautious · 06/06/2008 20:30

I have the need of some fellow HR advice.

I am having a problem with one of our Managers. This Manager is fairly new to post and we have to work on projects together. So as well as being a PT HR manager I am working on something else with them. We are of equal within the Management structure.

However this person seems to feel I work "for" her and has been publically putting me down both to my face and behind my back. I can honestly say there is no reason for it work wise so I can only assume it is personal.

I need to address the issue so how in my position do I informally deal with what is really a grievance? I report to the board and usually I would hear a grievance!

I am just a bit muddled with how to handle it. I have been told on the grapevine she is jealous of my standing within the business and that people can see she is trying to undermine me. I have never had to deal with this personally so I need some perspective please.

I have rambled now so please help me get my thoughts together by Monday!

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 06/06/2008 20:52

Hi mate

You need to challenge her about it. At your level and in your position you can't be arsing about with grievances and all that mallarkie anyway, not for something like this.

Meet with her. Go out for lunch or something, get off-site if that will help, it probably would. Just be very adult about it and ask her. You will (should) be able to judge from knowing her and from how the conversation progresses how best to address this, in what manner and from what angle. But you need to get to the bottom of why this is happening and work out together how to solve it. She may have some insecurities that are exhibiting themselves in an unfortunate manner, for example. You can help her deal with those (I expect). She needs to understand why it's not acceptable behaviour and the impact it is having on the business.

You need to also think about your own behaviour. She obviously feels on some level that she can go around acting as though you work for her, not with her, and that she can put you down to your face. What is it about your own behaviour that's sending her the message that it's ok to do this? You are possibly not conveying enough authority to her in some way. Think about that and how you can address that in yourself.

I am always a lot harsher with fellow HR people than with anyone else, so apologies for bluntness, but you can take it . As I've said before on here, my expectations of HR professionals are much higher than of 'normal' managers who are frequently a bit rubbish. As an HR person you don't get to be rubbish in my book.

I am not for a minute suggesting you are rubbish at all, btw! You take my point anyway I'm sure.

I hope that helps a bit. Do email me if you want to flowery dot beanbag at ntlworld dot com

Original poster
callmeovercautious · 06/06/2008 22:05

Thanks Flowery

I don't for a minute want a grievance (Goodness knows we all hate them!) I am just am bit too envolved to see clearly.

There are underlying issues. I am not as involved anymore as I have gone PT - that may be an issue for her, and I am not doing the hiring and firing anymore so don't hold the same status in her eyes I suppose. I have not noticed it as everyone else Management wise knows me of old.

You are right, I perhaps don't put across the same air of authority I used to. I will get my black suit out on Monday

So I will work on our relationship. Deep breaths needed I think I will take the upper hand and try and foster some good relations.

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 06/06/2008 22:45

You know it makes sense

There are always underlying issues, of course, and of course you know exactly what they are, which means you can address them. It just means stepping outside and looking in (or getting me to look in!) for a minute to get that vision.

Take charge and it will be sorted in no time!

Original poster
callmeovercautious · 06/06/2008 22:58

Thanks
2 glasses of wine and one flowery lecture later I am all sorted. I have had a bad week and this was just the straw on the camels back so to speak. I really wish I worked in a bigger team sometimes, I have very few choices when it comes to venting at work. I would never dream of moaning around the water fountain about a colleague which I suppose is what everyone else outside of HR gets to do.

I appreciate the advice, thank you.

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 07/06/2008 14:29

Yep that's one of the problems with HR - you spend the week soaking up everyone else's whinges and finding solutions, but have nowhere to let your own out! Feel free to rant here or email if it helps.

RibenaBerry · 08/06/2008 17:22

Sorry - I was out of circulation, but I agree with everything Flowery said!

Original poster
callmeovercautious · 08/06/2008 21:32

Thanks RibenaBerry - I now have a plan, will be going in tomorrow in a new and positive frame of mind

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 09/06/2008 19:15

How's things callme?

Original poster
callmeovercautious · 09/06/2008 20:26

Thanks for asking!

I went in and have been the essence of professionalism all day

I spoke to the Manager when required to do so very calmly and we worked fine together. We spoke briefly towards the end of the day and I mentioned I thought we should go for Lunch once our current project finishes so we can get to know each other without the pressures of deadlines etc. Said Manager agreed and said that there was a lot of stress flying about and that they were finding it hard to build relationships under the strain.

In a way I sympathise as the project has a lot riding on it but at the same time I have disciplined managers for this sort of behaviour in the past under our bullying and harrassment policies.

I have been researching conflict management training

I have also had a conversation with another manager today who asked me if she was just singling him out for her nasty put downs. I reassured him that it was her manner and that it would be dealt with. I have had to log it in case he brings a grievance. I found it hard not to blurt it all out to him and start a bitch fest Made me feel better that it seems to be a personality trait rather than a personal attack.

Did you every get the Nanny sorted out flowery?

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 09/06/2008 21:04

Sounds excellent!! Good plan, and good to know it's nothing personal as well. Rofl at conflict mgt!

Did get nanny sorted eventually, thanks. We have a lovely lady who started 3 weeks ago, she's fantastic, she's doing 3 days 8.30 - 2.30 for me, and will be able to increase in August/September if I need it, which hopefully I will. DS loves her, and she's been brilliant.

So I've been working very hard getting loads done - the new website went live this weekend, feel free to have a browse here if you're twiddling your thumbs. And feel free to pass it on to anyone who, you know, might be professionally interested, iykwim..?

Original poster
callmeovercautious · 09/06/2008 21:16

Hi Flowery, funny you should say that as I was thinking of you the other day. Would you travel to Bishops Stortford? I may have a contact for you.

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 09/06/2008 21:27

Absolutely, Bishops Stortford is only 40mins from me. Do you want to email me about it, or give the person my email address? If you email me use flowery dot beanbag at ntlworld dot com, or you can give out the one on my profile/website to whoever you like.

Original poster
callmeovercautious · 09/06/2008 23:16

Great. It may not come to anything but I will email you tomorrow off MN.

Thanks

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 12/06/2008 15:09

Haven't had an email callme, have I missed it? Don't worry if you haven't, no problem, just wanted to check it's all working ok.

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