People who have gone off work with stress - did it help?

[YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo]

Hello all, I’m hoping for some advice because I’m not sure I’m my own best counsel at the moment.

I have been suffering a very serious family situation now for 3 years. I won’t go into too much detail, but suffice to say it is a life and death situation with far-reaching implications that potentially will not ever have a defined ‘end’, and honestly would take a toll on anyone in a similar situation. My life has felt like I’m living in the shadow of a volcano, never sure if and when it will erupt. It has taken quite a toll on my mental health, but between a fantastic therapist and more recently, Sertraline, I have been powering through.

However, I recently transitioned into a new internal role at my work which has meant working for a different project lead. I would not have moved if I had known the truth: that this guy is a well-known bully who has driven several people to quit in the past.

I recently had an event that upset me greatly and this, coupled with the ongoing situation in my family, and the fact I have been hugely overworking due to an exceptionally busy time at work, meant I broke down in tears during a meeting. The lead could not have been less understanding, and essentially told me my stress was my own fault for overworking and not to bother him about it. He also sent me some rather rude emails and when I asked that he not speak to me like that, basically said he can speak how he wants.

I raised it with some senior staff and their response was essentially ‘we know he’s a pr*ck, just try to stay out his way, and maybe join a running club to help deal with the stress etc’. I felt very let down by this response.

My GP wants to sign me off with stress, but i’m not sure. On the one hand, I probably could do with it. On the other hand, I already feel like a narrative is forming where they’re trying to make my mental health the problem rather than confronting a bully, and will me going off just play into that narrative that I am weak/mentally unstable etc?

Long term I am planning to leave and get a job elsewhere but obviously this process takes time. So I want to know: people who have gone off with stress, did it help? Did it change anything? Did it cause any issues? Was it worth it?

Once it’s on your record, everybody says it and if you gave her an income protection insurance, you can be declined on the basis of it
It’s one of those things if you really need it you need it but I would definitely try to avoid

Sorry for the typos I’m using the dictator thing. Hopefully you get the gist.

I did several years ago. Going through some bad family shit and I worked a high stress high pressure job, and I knew I only had the headspace for one.

Got signed off for two months (blessed with a good sickness policy) and it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. Allowed me time and breathing room to sort myself out (see a doctor, get on some medication etc). It also gave me the space to realise I was in the wrong job and start looking for something else.

I did a phased return to my old job and stayed another year with a completely different outlook to the job, then left peacefully when I found something more suitable.

If I'd not taken the time for myself I think I'd have inevitably crashed out and left in a fireball burning all my bridges behind me on the way.

Make sure you GP puts “work related stress”.

Thanks all. I guess i will continue to think about it. I doubt i’d take income protection insurance tbh, i’d rather just put more into my emergency savings.

I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow, our first 1:1 since a mediated meeting last week with the head of the department (that didn’t go particularly well). I guess i’ll see how I feel after that.

I was off for 7 months but by the time I was off I was so far gone it took me 6 of those to recover.

Go off now and get some headspace and look about for something else.

I have taken time off for work related stress. I was off for 6 weeks and started antidepressants while off.

It did help. It didn’t change the work situation (in fact it made my manager even worse - normal dose of distain with an added helping of faux-concern). It did give me time to realise that there is more to life than work. I also had CBT/talking therapy via GP that started pretty much as I went back to work, which also helped.

I work somewhere where lots of people have work-related sickness on their records and I doubt it would ever be used against me unless it was a decision controlled by the manager that caused it. I don’t have income protection. If those things do apply, can you spare some annual leave or negotiate some unpaid leave (parental leave is a good one to use if you have kids under 18 and can manage the unpaid bit - some will argue it is meant to be time with the kids but that’s not true; it is meant to be used for the benefit of the kids and I think this would be fine. Not that anyone should be asking how you’re spending parental leave in any case.

I hope you find space for recovery.

It can helpful in giving you space to get a reset of perspectives. It also totally resolved the ‘everything falls to you’ at work thing, because you’re not there.

You might be discovering that you can’t work for a bully. Some people are wired differently and can, they can manage a duck type approach and let it run off then without landing. Others aren’t wired like that. That doesn’t make them weaker or stronger, it just means Theyre different.

If you’re not a duck in this area, that’s ok. It’s helpful to understand what you can and cant comfortable tolerate in the work place. Then you learn your limits for what you will and won’t put up with and look for roles that get as close to accommodating that as possible.

It’s nigh on impossible to get that perspective when you’re drowning in the day to day and burnt out. Time off gets you that space to work that out.

Make a formal complaint about his behaviour, with records of what he’s said and when. They are culpable for his behaviour, so they can’t ignore it forever.

I’ve just been off with stress related to workplace harassment and it did help, partly because the company is handling the grievance process appropriately.

I took a month off for work related stress and it was the best thing ever. It gave me time to think through all my issues and to have an open discussion with HR on my return about what was wrong with my job. I did eventually leave (within 1 year) and move to a different company but it wasn't counted against me and my previous company have told me that I'm welcome back at any time.

Sometimes you just need a break

It affected my ability to get life insurance but tbh I needed the time to reset.

It helped me breath and be able to actually see what was happening and make a plan whilst not being stuck in the middle of it.

But you need a plan on how to return. I knew my goal and what I was going to do when I returned.

You need to know what you want to achieve with it and what needs to happen when you go back.

I hope things improve for you.

It's so sad that so many people have to take time off fir this reason.