Fed up in new role

[theworkblues]

I guess im posting just to get it out. Im feeling defeated. Ive always worked really hard and been good in my job, respected, confident etc ive had a lot of change at work and steadily climbed the ladder since 2020. Im now in a more senior management role with a team. I work for the same company but a different part and the culture is very different. I have an expert on the team who temporarily managed the team until I came in. I understand it must be hard to see a new manager from a different area come in when you have been doing the role. This person is popular and I dont feel has made my life easy since I joined. It does seem to be getting slightly better. However, this person hasn't stepped back and directs the team, undermines me at times. I feel im struggling a bit and my confidence has been affected. I've no idea what is being said behind my bsck, but I sense bitterness towards me from other colleagues, I think could be a result of this persons influence. My own line manager also has a personal relationship with this person. I sometimes feel im helpless and stuck and dont have the knowledge yet to contribute as much as I feel I should be and my confidence is being erroded. Has anyone been here? How do I move forward?

Have you had a 1 to 1 with him to reset his role and take on some of the work he is doing? Otherwise he will probably continue by default.

It's a fine balance as in some ways it does take the load off me while im learning and I fear a strong reaction and throwing toys out of pram and more disruption if I do this. I think its the lack of respect to even run things past me and explain I find difficult. I have mentioned about gradually taking over, taking the load away from this person etc I sometimes think what is the point of me even being there as most people continue to go to this person. I really want it to work, but the job is not at all how I envisaged.

I’ve been through this recently - I feel your pain! I’ve been in my job a few months longer but I inherited someone who had been allowed to do what they like and run the business area as they wished. Which was…. Badly! But my boss loved them.

They trash talked me to everyone. undermined me…. I was nice at first then then got less nice. Not horrible but less nice, firmer, set my expectations. It didn’t take long for them to move themselves on to another job - which by all accounts they think is leaving me in the shit! Things have been much easier and calmer in the team since they departed, they were quite disruptive.

I wouldn’t worry about not knowing the subject area as much as they do - your job is to lead the team not to be the ultimate expert. You have a team of experts to do that. A large part of why you’ve been hired into the role and not them will be about leadership.

If you’ve tried being nice then it’s time to get a bit firmer. Don’t gradually take over - it’s not taking over it’s doing your job. Let them throw their toys out of the pram. You have to weather the storm a bit on this or you’ll never get it changed.

on the personal relationship with the boss part - what I would do is make sure that when you’re raising the issues with your boss (and you need to) you stick to facts and examples of what needs to change. Especially about the undermining, that’s just plain unacceptable. You can also put it in terms of it’s evident Trouble needs support with the transition what would they advise as they know them so well. But make clear to all that the only option is that you’re going to be doing the job you were hired for.

Fantastic advice, thank you so much. Ive been fearful of having the difficult conversations as I have not wanted to rock the boat and cause this person to behave worse. A good point framing it to my line manager he knows her well too and how would he advise I deal with it.
Yes its awful not to feel in a safe space. Being in meetings with this person has made me anxious and she publicly subtly undermines me. They need to stop ruling the roost and recognise they are no longer manager. You're right, I dont need to know all of the detail, but I like to. It will come in time. Lucky you your person moved! I can only hope for the same!

Can you kill them with kindness, publicly?

I know that is hard, but they want recognition - if you are in a meeting refer to them as the subject matter expert,

You can lead in other ways, championing your team, praising, arrange a team lunch or support your staff in training and getting ahead -

If you praise this persons expertise then they will struggle to gain traction on the gossiping!

2 different approaches. Ive tried the praise, but im not sure she wants it from me, more my line manager, who she contacts directly. Like I say, they have more of a personal relationship. She delays responding to me and gives me the minimum. Passively aggressively leaving long pauses before answering me where I genuinely think shes lost connection! this has happened on a number of occasions with different excuses when ive asked. She clearly doesn't like me and its affected my onboarding and confidence into those role. Im seeking some support via EAP who I called today. Why are people like this? I know it says more about her than me