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Back from maternity leave and struggling

4 replies

KaliJones · 16/10/2025 05:48

I just want to rant as I don’t think there’s anything I can do personally. I’ve been back from maternity leave for 2 ish month and I feel like death.

I made the decision to return at 9 months because 3 months off unpaid was a scary thought for me. My partner has been working throughout my maternity leave and I’ve been happy during that time doing most/all of the housework and baby care, because I wasn’t doing anything else. It was agreed and expected that when I return to work, we’d split the share. My partner is usually amazing, and up until this point used to be helpful.

Well I’m sat up writing this at 5:30am and I’ve been awake since 2am. My now 11 month old is a very erratic sleeper, and will wake up every 30-40 minutes, usually just wanting his dummy and going straight back to sleep, but occasionally staying awake for longer. It’s me getting up with him. Every single day. My work shifts are long, very physical, and I start at 6am. I’m consistently having around 2-3 hours sleep a night.

We’re now on month two and I can’t carry on. I am exhausted. I can hardly hold a conversation, I can’t remember things, everyone at work likely thinks I’m incompetent. I’m falling asleep on public transport to and from work, on the sofa when I get home, at any point I sit down. I’m missing meals because I’m getting up as late as I can and falling asleep when I get home, and feel nauseous constantly. My partner still WILL NOT help. He snores away, or pretends he can’t hear the baby crying (or me whacking him.)

My house is a mess because I’m at work and he doesn’t clean while I’m out. Laundry hasn’t been done in days and won’t be until I’m off work. He claims the baby is too attention demanding to do chores which just isn’t true, I’ve done it for the past 11 months why can’t he? Again my job is absolutely the more physically demanding which he’s acknowledged.

Sat here getting ready to start work and wanting nothing more than to quit, but I can’t because my partner is so unreliable I don’t want to be left without money :(

OP posts:
Waitaminutewheresmejumper · 16/10/2025 05:53

Sounds hellish. Have you sat down and had a proper conversation with him about the situation? If you have and he's still being useless, I'd be rethinking the relationship, not your job.

SErunner · 16/10/2025 05:59

Write a list of what your partner needs to do each day and insist he does it. And sleep train your son so you can get some sleep. Working and being a mum is really hard. It does get better with time - the first 6 months were brutal for us because she just caught bug after bug, but it does improve and come to a point where it’s manageable.

BCBird · 16/10/2025 06:02

Can you go and stay overnight with a friend to get a good night's sleep? Organise someone to look after your baby for a few hours in the day so you can both go somewhere to have a conversation about this. He sounds very selfish. U do need to accept though that the house cannot be as tidy as when you were on maternity leave as you are both now at work. Mansge your expectations. Prioritise the basics bwn you and if possible farm some tasks out if u can afford it.

Almost2026 · 16/10/2025 06:06

Do you have a spare room (or bed in DSs room and him in yours) where a couple of nights a week you can put ear plugs in and put DS in with DP? I can guarantee he would hear him more than when you are there.

Also as PP said, make a list of the bare minimum that you need him to do job wise when you are working.

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