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Did I overstep my telling my friend I think she has a crush on this guy we both work witb

9 replies

Bluejeansrose78 · 09/10/2025 20:38

Basically in my team at work, when I joined my now best friend wad really close with one of the guys in our team.

when i first started, i didnt really talk to him much, only when we were both with my friend at the same time, it was a bit like one of those we only spoke if she was there kinda thing.

However she went away on holiday for two weeks and me and this guy both just naturally started talking to each other a bit more and we realised actually we both have similar interests like the gym and the same shows so started talking a lot on teams

My friend then came back from holiday and told me she felt the vibe was weird between her and this guy since she came back, he is autistic so I said to her that he might need a bit of time to re adjust to her being back with and she agreed and I said just sit next to him one day and chat and it’ll be fine. She did that it was all okay.

but then the last week she has said he barely talks to her anymore and never messages her during the day, I asked if she had messaged him at all just to check in and she said she hadnt done. When i asked if she maybe should she said it wasnt up to her to message him and he should message first, I kinda said it might be he feels a bit awkward as well and is waiting for you to message and that i was sure everything was fine

Over the next few days I kinda left it as its for them to sort out, but she kept on messaging me asking if he had spoken to me during the day and how much and when i would say he had she would be like oh so he just inst mtalking to me. I did keep encouraging her to message him but she still didnt.

it got to the point where she started saying stuff liek, ‘i dont know why he’s speaking to you more than he is speaking to me’ or ‘he always distances himself whenever im in a good place with my bf’

I kind of hit my annoyance point and kinda said to her ‘it kinda sounds like your this bothered over this because you have a thing for him’

she immediately asked me to delete the message in case anyone saw it and said that that wasnt the case at all, and i did apologise for overstepping and saying something out of line. After this she called me and said again how weird it was they still werent talking and that she thinks he just replaces people in terms of how often he speaks to them and that she thinks he does it when she is in a good place with her bf again.

she then messaged the guy and the sorted it but i just felt a bit guilty that i had said the comment i did

It just felt like being back and school and having girls compete with how much a guy is talking to them, i think next time im not saying anything about the situation

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/10/2025 20:56

You do very much sound like a bunch of high school kids. It’s sorted now so just move on

daisychain01 · 09/10/2025 21:06

Are you 12?

FuzzyWolf · 09/10/2025 21:10

It felt like being back at school because you’re acting like you are at school and overusing the word kinda.

Just grow up and move on.

Alwayslurkingsometimesposting · 09/10/2025 21:10

I don't think she fancies him but it sounds like she really enjoys the attention he gives her and was very bothered when he withdrew it and started giving it to you instead!

Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 21:12

Why does everyone message and not talk in real life? Honest question.

Pollqueen · 09/10/2025 21:18

Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 21:12

Why does everyone message and not talk in real life? Honest question.

This. Plus, you're all at work not on Tinder

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 10/10/2025 06:15

Sounds like you fancy him more than she does. Also sounds like you're 12.

Cerezo · 10/10/2025 07:12

I truly hope none of you work in any sort of public service or critical infrastructure.

pinkdelight · 10/10/2025 07:45

Sounds like a lot of time being wasted at work. The way you’ve written it sounds a bit disingenuous from your POV, advising her on it all post-holiday as if it’s because of his autism or because she needs to xyz, when the reason he’d changed was surely because you’d got closer to him, and when she picked up on that, you got annoyed. Why weren’t you just honest that you’d chatted a lot more while she was away and maybe that was a factor? Because it sounds like the most obvious cause and to put it on her is only confusing matters and could be a tad gaslighty. Can’t tell whether she likes him more than as a friend and same with you and him, but it’s a distracting relationship triangle either way so pull back and focus on the work more and less non-pro teams talk.

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