Whenever I start a new role, I seem to fall straight into people-pleasing mode. There are always too many demands on my time at the beginning, and as an introvert, I find it overwhelming. The first couple of weeks are a blur of meetings — then, inevitably, there’s some kind of crisis. (I suspect that’s partly why I’m hired; I’m “great in a crisis.”)
It’s disorientating. What I actually need in those early weeks is time and space to get to know the job properly — to understand the systems, the people, and what’s expected. Instead, I often find myself firefighting before I’ve even found my footing.
On top of that, I’m a huge people pleaser, and managers often have a pet project they want done early on. It kills me a little inside, but I do it anyway — because I want to be seen as capable and positive. By that point, I’m usually feeling fragile: not grounded in my own work yet, trying to look enthusiastic and “team fit” while internally wondering whether I belong or can actually do the job.
My usual response is to double down — to work harder, take on more, smile brighter. It’s not sustainable. Eventually I come out the other side, but with an enormous workload, less energy for connection, and a creeping sense of isolation. Then I look back, wondering why I do this to myself — anxious about the future, or fantasising about moving on to a new role where it might somehow be different.
So, how do I stop people-pleasing my own manager? And how do I move from anxious, stuck, and irrational — to calm, grounded, and actually heading in the right direction?