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Original poster

Son & Work Suspension - Help!!

39 replies

LilacReader · 07/10/2025 12:03

Hi, first time poster so please be kind - but straight talking!
My son (22) works in care. Loves the job and the clients at the home so much so that if I ever pick him up he's always late leaving as he goes to do a last minute checks on a couple of his favourites especially if they are on end-of-life care.
Care home policy is of course no phones in the home, a rule he always (usually) sticks to. Apart from this ruddy time!! He grabbed his phone on his break to catch up with girlfriend and then decided to visit his EOL patient and sit with her for a bit. Of course, he did the bloody stupid thing of calling GF whilst he was sitting with patient. Team Leader of course walks in and the rest as they say is history.
I have issues with the fact that my son has mentioned a few times that this same Team Leader is seen walking around with his ear pods in (so obviously has phone) and he has received a video once from another colleague, which he told them he didn't like and didn't want to receive again. Others also use their phones on the wards and nothing has ever been done about them. Unfortunately, at no time has he ever reported this, just tried to stay away from it all.
He's aware the TL doesn't like him and probably because of his slight Aspergers, doesn't really socialise well so doesn't have many 'friends' there.
He's been put on suspension whilst they investigate but I don't know what (if anything) I can do to help? I don't think it's looking good, if the TL doesn't like him then no-one is going to stick up for him.
I'm annoyed as he's bloody brilliant with the clients and the thing that's upsetting him the most is that he won't be there for the clients and will probably miss the passing of his client. Any advice - please?

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacReader · 07/10/2025 15:53

Uricon2 · 07/10/2025 15:43

He grabbed his phone on his break to catch up with girlfriend and then decided to visit his EOL patient and sit with her for a bit. Of course, he did the bloody stupid thing of calling GF whilst he was sitting with patient.

He might have been on a break but he shouldn't have made a call to his GF while with an patient, especially one on EOL care, for a number of reasons.

He needs to acknowledge this and fully apologise. He does sound caring but trying to get out of this by pointing out others use their phones won't work.

Yes, as I've said all along - he shouldn't have done it. He has already acknowledged and apologised for it - and was then suspended.

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 07/10/2025 16:01

LilacReader · 07/10/2025 15:29

Thank you for scrutinizing - I mentioned my son was on a break so could have gone anywhere to avoid being disturbed. Of course you have favourites - I did when I was childminding. That does not mean we care for them any differently just that they have taken a little bit of our heart.

But I thank you for your input x

Show quote history

That's what he should've done then. He shouldn't be in anyone's room in any capacity other than a paid one. The EOL person's personal space isn't for him to use as a break room.

Hopefully he won't lose his job but the reasons given won't be taken as reasonable excuses for it happening I wouldn't have thought.

Original poster
LilacReader · 07/10/2025 16:06

DiscoBob · 07/10/2025 16:01

That's what he should've done then. He shouldn't be in anyone's room in any capacity other than a paid one. The EOL person's personal space isn't for him to use as a break room.

Hopefully he won't lose his job but the reasons given won't be taken as reasonable excuses for it happening I wouldn't have thought.

Show quote history

Yes, he SHOULD have done. But as what most people have done here is be helpful in advice moving forward rather than judge what has happened. Can I reiterate - WHAT HE DID WAS WRONG, HE HAS OWNED IT AND APOLOGISED, HE WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 07/10/2025 16:18

LilacReader · 07/10/2025 16:06

Yes, he SHOULD have done. But as what most people have done here is be helpful in advice moving forward rather than judge what has happened. Can I reiterate - WHAT HE DID WAS WRONG, HE HAS OWNED IT AND APOLOGISED, HE WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

Show quote history

I don't think he should be fired over it. Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I get it that everyone makes mistakes. And it was a first offence.

Uricon2 · 07/10/2025 16:23

I also genuinely hope he keeps his job OP. I don't think requesting a meeting with HR where you will be present is going to help though, but a statement/apology in writing is very much a good idea.

Is he in a union? Several are available for his field (Unison, GMB) and there is now a dedicated one for care workers.

https://careworkersunion.org/

They won't be able to help in this matter but he shoudl join for the future.

Home - The Care Workers Union (CWU)

A Union just for Care Workers Get Organised! Join The Care Workers Union (CWU) Join us today I AM A CARE PROVIDER The benefits of recognising the Care Workers Union as an employer Learn More I AM A CARE WORKER Check out our membership benefits Learn Mo...

https://careworkersunion.org

Ahsheeit · 07/10/2025 16:46

Just to mention, any disciplinary meeting, the has the right to have a colleague accompany him. He also has the right to any reasonable workplace adjustments he may need, such as time to process a question before answering, and to take breaks if he needs then. A diagnosis is not needed for these.

MissMoneyFairy · 07/10/2025 17:01

Do you know who is conducting the investigation, he may not be involved unless they are considering misconduct. He should write a statement anyway then they should write to him with a date for a meeting, his rights, a copy of the complaint and possible outcomes. It may be dealt with by the home manager if they are authorised to conduct investigations and disciplinaries. Is the manager a registered nurse or socialworker.

MissMoneyFairy · 07/10/2025 17:19

Hr not he

Skybluepinky · 07/10/2025 18:34

He broke the rules, as long as they are following their procedures nothing that can be done.

Original poster
LilacReader · 15/10/2025 09:57

MissMoneyFairy · 07/10/2025 17:01

Do you know who is conducting the investigation, he may not be involved unless they are considering misconduct. He should write a statement anyway then they should write to him with a date for a meeting, his rights, a copy of the complaint and possible outcomes. It may be dealt with by the home manager if they are authorised to conduct investigations and disciplinaries. Is the manager a registered nurse or socialworker.

So sorry I haven't responded, I had nothing to say there were additions to my post! He hasn't heard anything yet but this is holiday he booked anyway and was told they would inform him before he is due back.

I'm really unsure who the person is who is conducting the investigation - I believe it's HR - but not what their background is. Thank you everyone for your help so far, I am taking all the advice offered and waiting on them to decide what to do next. Statement ready if needed. x

OP posts:
FullBl00m · 15/10/2025 10:25

I think the difference between your son’s situation and the others you mention is that he made a phone call while in a resident’s room. As you and he have acknowledged it was incredibly unprofessional, inappropriate and disrespectful of him. That’s quite different to having ear buds in while in the office/walking the corridors. I don’t think he’s being punished for doing “the same as others”.

Ohmygodthepain · 15/10/2025 11:29

He was in the room of a resident recieving end of life care and was caught on the phone to his girlfriend?

I'd be stunned if this wasn't anything other than gross misconduct. Even if he was on a break, it's absolutely unforgivable to be so inappropriate.

And no, it doesn't matter about anyone else. He didn't have his phone discretely in a pocket, he was on the phone, in a resident's room. A resident recieving end of life care. There are no excuses for this op, none.

McSpoot · 15/10/2025 11:35

Friendlygingercat · 07/10/2025 15:37

I disagree that what others are doing is irrelevant and a poor excuse. When you are new/inexperienced in a workplace you take your cue from what other more experienced employees or those above you in the hierarchy do. They should set an example of professional behaviour. When you see these people breaking the rules with impugnity then its tempting to follow their example. If the manager was doing their job properly they would deal with the rule breaking at all levels and tell the more senior people that they should be setting a better example. Picking on a newish employee is lazy management.

Been there, done it, and argued back.

Edited

He's been there for over two years - that is not "newish".

Original poster
LilacReader · 15/10/2025 13:31

Ohmygodthepain · 15/10/2025 11:29

He was in the room of a resident recieving end of life care and was caught on the phone to his girlfriend?

I'd be stunned if this wasn't anything other than gross misconduct. Even if he was on a break, it's absolutely unforgivable to be so inappropriate.

And no, it doesn't matter about anyone else. He didn't have his phone discretely in a pocket, he was on the phone, in a resident's room. A resident recieving end of life care. There are no excuses for this op, none.

Yes, thanks for the advice x

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