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Very toxic work situation - meeting with HR next week - any tips?

29 replies

Silverhope77 · 05/10/2025 10:02

I’ve posted before about my toxic work situation, I now meeting with HR next week and looking for some advice really to influence it in my direction.
Background: not long after I announced my pregnancy last year (March) there was a business restructuring, my role was put at risk and later made redundant (July). I was offered suitable alternative employment, which I accepted and it was shared with whole team in August. New role was supposed to start in October, right before I was due to go on maternity leave. Because of the situation, I was advised by line managers to close down my work and the logistics of the new role would be discussed when I returned to work the following year.
However, from March onward any work I was given was either a dead end, not a business priority or passed onto someone else once I got it to it’s near end point, meaning others took credit. I raised all this with senior managers and it was all deflected.
While on leave, I was requested to do a performance review, which I found strange. But I was told it was just a formality. It wasn’t, it was extremely negative. I was deemed a low performer and my variable pay was slashed. I ended up raising a case through HR, I won the appeal in August. Since then trying to get my line managers to agree to anything had been stonewalled. My rating is still in the system along with the comments, the pay was only actioned after HR chased them 3 times. My maternity return date wasn’t changed from August to end of September, despite the initial request being submitted in January, followed up again in March with HR cc’d in, which my line current line manager acknowledged, and several times after that. Date wasn’t changed. So I got partially paid and it’s now being clawed back. I tried negotiating with payroll but they have a policy on clawbacks, I can’t set my own amount.
Line managers wouldn’t confirm a return to work meeting with me. Nor refer me to OH for reasonable adjustments. I have a disability. They are aware. There is an OH report on it from 2023 but it was not noted as impacting performance. Not until that performance review, but they suggested they have supported my ‘health issues and pregnancy’. I discovered last wee the OH report is not on my HR file but I have a copy and email trail. I’ve had to try and raise an order for workplace adjustments myself but it will still have to be signed off. I returned to work last week. No welcome back message went out to the team or function. No one knew I was back.
Line manager has avoided me in person. Has only communicated through Teams. I had to initiate contact. She has not signed off anything like my mobile app access I need to keep in touch. Won’t add me to meetings. Wider team only found out I was back because my function manager had to acknowledge my presence on a team call on Thursday. It’s noted I’m on the final team structure released end of last week but my functional manager tried to persuade me to take a job that doesn’t exist, that ‘we could write together’ and doesn’t really match my skill set. He wouldn’t put it in writing though. Only thing they signed off is my accrued leave so I have 4 day weeks, and I’m not at work probably.
I have pushed both function and line managers on the job details. I have accepted the role, it’s on the team I have always been on, it’s in writing.
I did get a response on Teams from the line manager eventually that there is no suitable alternative employment on my team.
I honestly think up to the day I came back they were hoping I’d quit. Why not offer me redundancy last year? Why make me quit? I’ve been there a long time with solid good performance reviews. I need the money, I had 2 kids now and a mortgage plus childcare bills. The job market is terrible. It’ll take time to find another job. I have been looking.
I’ve spoken to ACAS, a lawyer and others and apparently in need to get them to the table first and agree to a severance if that is what I want. I also don’t want compromise myself in the HR meeting.
Apparently I have now been added to team meetings, but it only happened on Friday, when I was off. Also a welcome email went out to my team from my line manager. They don’t know I’m there and I was on leave Friday anyway. She didn’t want me to add anyone to my OoO.
I could see line manager was available next Tuesday so asked to catch up. She messaged me that she was off. I can see her diary! She’s in!! But she is off after for 2 weeks. Even if they accept I’m in the role I think the bullying will continue. Any advice on how to navigate until I can leave?

OP posts:
Silverhope77 · 05/10/2025 21:23

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 05/10/2025 18:11

It does appear all pregnancy related - in other words there weren't any issues with your performance prior to you being pregnant.

Have you tried, 'Pregnant then Screwed.'

Yes, I did try them. They are swamped with calls. They have good information on their website I followed. I did speak to ACAS a few times. I’ve had the usual a few areas for improvement in performance reviews but nothing near the slander in that review. I have been wondering if it’s been a slow burner. I was signed off sick for a bit in 2022/2023 when one of my disabilities came to light. My then line manager encouraged me to use the company’s health insurance pot to get properly assessed and diagnosed. The NHS had been taking ages and I got worse, definitely more so after my first was born. I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
I got diagnosed, finally got on the right medication. I recovered and got back to work. I had regular check-ins with my manager. I had no bad performance reviews those years so I felt I was doing well. It was after my manager went on sabbatical this year things went downhill.

OP posts:
Silverhope77 · 05/10/2025 21:24

burningorb · 05/10/2025 21:22

Record the meeting on your phone.

Install Otter Voice Notes app, it records and transcribes.

Don't say you're recording though - you don't want to inhibit anyone of they behave badly.

A recording is admissible in court.

Great! I’ll download that now.

OP posts:
Silverhope77 · 05/10/2025 21:38

Marylou2 · 05/10/2025 17:59

If you definitely want a settlement I'd get a full grievance in following all internal policy documents. Chat Gpt or Copilot is really useful for help with the structure. Obviously doesn't replace a good employment law solicitor. Get in touch with ACAS, have to say their absolutely not fit for purpose at the moment on the early conciliation front. Make sure you follow all their timelines. I've just negotiated a settlement that's been agreed as i was about to submit a tribunal claim. Nerve-wracking but gives me breathing space to look for something else. Good luck to you OP.

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

OP posts:
Silverhope77 · 05/10/2025 21:45

rwalker · 05/10/2025 21:19

so your old job has gone and the role was made redundant
they offered you a new job it sounds unorganised and chaotic but it’s 5 days In I think you expect to hit the ground running and back in at 100 mph
sounds like there in the process off finding you something to do
Ultimately they should of probably made you redundant last year but every redundancy cost £1000’s and also a lot of firms have a twitchy arse about making pregnant women redundant as they will get accused of discrimination

It’s a massive organisation. They can afford redundancy payments. 2 other colleagues are back from maternity leave in November and their new roles have already been defined and announced. Their returns to work are already being planned with the team.
No one was told I was returning. My line managers have avoided meeting me in person and I’ve requested a meeting since July.
Since I’ve returned officially they are both hiding behind Teams or their EA.

OP posts:
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