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Would this count as workplace bullying?

4 replies

mynameiscalypso · 03/10/2025 20:30

I’m currently having an issue with one of my colleagues and keen to get some external perspective. For context, I am technically more senior than her within our team structure but we have different roles and both report into a Director. My role is client-facing, I bring in project-related revenue and then deliver the projects. I am very good at my job and am recognised internationally as an expert in my field. Colleague manages our corporate membership programme (ie relationships we have with companies which are financially beneficial to us but which aren’t connected to project delivery). The core purpose of the company we work for is project delivery.

I have always found that said colleague refuses to accept it when I make a decision, even a minor decision which I can make in our boss’s absence. It didn’t really bother me so much because I just rolled my eyes and got on with it. But recently I’ve become aware of a few things that she’s done which I think could be verging on being described as bullying. These include:

Complaining about me to our boss and other, more junior, members of the team that I don’t support her. This includes a comment at our team meeting which was apparently directed at me although I didn’t realise because she’s never raised any concerns with me.

Excluding me from meetings/discussions which I was previously part of. As an example, we were organising an event which relates to my area of expertise and to which many of my stakeholders have been invited. I was arranged in the preparations, including coming up with the concept of the event. The event had to be cancelled and has been rescheduled but I have been excluded from all of the discussions about the event.

Not cc’ing me into emails that she should because they either involve ‘my’ external stakeholders or my subject area. There was an embarrassing situation earlier this week where an external brought me into a discussion which she hadn’t.

There are a few other examples but they all seem so insignificant when written down. I have raised with my boss that I know she has issues with me but he is pretty useless and there have been historic issues of bullying in the team which he has not really dealt with at all.

I’m considering having an informal chat with HR next week but would value any thoughts from the wise MN posters. I’ve never really been in this situation before and have generally got on with everyone that I’ve worked with in my 20 year career so I’m a bit flummoxed by the whole thing.

OP posts:
stevegrabshall · 03/10/2025 21:35

Put together a list of what’s happened, including times, dates and any witnesses. Also include in this the fact that you’ve been to your boss but he’s done nothing.
Then id take that to HR

NaanPeshwari · 03/10/2025 22:06

Putting you down in meetings - saying to her please can you raise any queries that you have with me directly. Or after the meeting - you seemed concerned about X, is there anything you'd like to speak to me about. Note dates and times and witnesses if it happens again.

Her attitude about you to other people = if its a regular thing yes I'd take that to HR.

Reminding her to please ensure you are looped in. Please ensure that going forward I am cc'd.

mynameiscalypso · 03/10/2025 22:45

Thank you both, that’s very clear and rational advice. Exactly what I needed!

@NaanPeshwariYour comment about cc’ing did make me smile an ironic smile because I’ve had an email from her complaining that I didn’t cc her into an email that I was sent by someone else! I’m not entirely sure what she expected me to do about that…

OP posts:
FKAT · 04/10/2025 09:27

Have you put in writing each time she excludes you.

'Please can you include me on these communications as they involve clients X Y and Z where I manage the relationship?'

Make sure you do that. As well as documenting all examples for your meeting with HR. But yeah, I agree this is bullying and hierarchy doesn't have anything to do with it. ACAS has a page on bullying towards senior colleagues from more junior ones. DH went through similar with one of his direct reports - it ended in the bully leaving the business.

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