I’m late 30s and an experienced, competent teacher with consistently good observations and feedback.
I’m absolutely plagued with a lack of confidence in any confrontational situations though. I have crippling imposter syndrome and tell myself that I’m lucky to be where am and so I ought to not to rock the boat. I avoid conflict and end up agreeing to anything to mollify the other party. I suppose you could call me a people pleaser.
I can be assertive and confident but only when I’m advocating on behalf of others. I can’t seem to transfer this to myself. My friends are really confident and assertive in confrontational situations and I feel like they’re losing patience with me not advocating for myself. To be honest, I’m losing patience with myself. I avoid any conflict then regret it afterwards.
The more I avoid confrontation, the stronger the voice telling me I’m weak is.
I was badly bullied as a teenager and I had to work hard on my self-worth. I feel like this is the last part of me where my awful self esteem is clinging on.
I’m desperate to break this cycle. Has anybody any advice? I’m so embarrassed and humiliated even writing this.