Suddenly being accused of not doing my job properly by colleges I trusted.

[MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig]

I honestly don’t know what’s going on.

This colleague and I have always got on. She’s a position above me and has taken on a lot of extra work recently. I have always made sure that I supported her; she’s very young and inexperienced but keen and capable. I thought we got on well.

I got hauled into a meeting with the manager yesterday to find that apparently I’m accused of not pulling my weight and not doing my job properly. This has apparently come from my colleague.

I was quite upset and angry and made it quite clear that I refute these claims. If anything she’s taken the piss on occasion but I’ve always tried to be nice and supportive and as helpful as I can. A lot of my work involves supporting hers and I’ve always done my job as best as I can and I thought pretty well. I put all this across to the manager and she was very sympathetic and supportive.

We apparently have a mediation meeting tomorrow. I don’t know what to say. Obviously I want to stand my ground but I’ve never been in this position before. She clearly has a problem with me and has made a comment to management but been as nice as pie to my face, I had absolutely no idea she felt this way. I feel manipulated and blindsided.

What the hell do I do?

This. She is being accused of incompetence in one way or another, and has decided to blame you and say it's things you're doing wrong that are causing the problem in her role.

How did you get on?

Go into the meeting armed with as much evidence as you can find. Emails etc Where you have supported her, done your work. And use specific examples if asked about supporting her. If shes making claims like " x doesnt pull her weight" ask for an example too.
Good luck! Take a few deep breaths before the meeting.

How was the meeting?

Put in a complaint about her and her behavior towards you now too

Well the meeting was a shit show.

I almost felt sick going to work. I was as prepared as I could be and had lots of notes but still felt blindsided.

She cried about how aggressive and confrontational she found me. Said she couldn’t approach me to talk to me and that’s why she went to management.

She literally cried. Twice.

The manager took her side. And wouldn’t let us go until we resolved it. It was excruciating.

So now I have zero respect for her and the manager. And I have to pretend that we’re besties and slap a smile on my face.

Instead of being able to discuss the fact that she’s narcissistic and manipulative.

I’m looking for work elsewhere. I Iove my job but this is just ridiculous. There’s no leadership, just control, micromanagement and zero accountability.

Wow, how disappointing.

Good luck in job hunting.

Stop consoling her when she cries and don't give her any more personal advice. Suggest to her that she goes to her manager if she does either.

Fuck that. What a manipulative bitch. I’d seek legal advice.

What a complete manipulative bitch. How disappointing that your manager was sucked into her lies. Such a shame to have to leave a job you love, but completely understand why it's best to get out of there. I couldn't work with her after this.

I can’t wait to put all of this in an email to all the bosses when I leave.

Sounds as if you were completely blindsided in the meeting by them both. Do you have a HR department and were they involved? It clearly wasn't resolved and it reads like they bullied you into agreeing to something you are not comfortable with.
You don't have to pretend to be besties with her. Be polite, do your work, give her the bare minimum in support and record, record, record. Write down the interactions of the past few days while they are fresh in your mind. Keep a detailed record of all interactions. They havd have both shown you who they are and what they are capable of. Good luck going forward.

Install Otter Voice Notes on your phone and record conversations. She'll slip up.

In the meantime, use the grey rock approach with her. She cannot be trusted and will quite happily throw colleagues under a bus to cover up her own inadequacies. As I said before I’d seek legal advice to see if you have a claim for constructive dismissal as you feel forced to leave. Can you raise a grievance?

Aww I'm so sorry it didn't go well. How awful. You must feel so maligned.

Oh ffs, sorry to hear this op. Defo a Shit Show and you are right, you need to leave, sadly. It’s rubbish when a job you love turns sour due to one person (or two if you include the weak, and ineffectual senior manager). Do nothing to help this person going forward. Bide your time and get out, something better is out there for you,

OP I would raise an official grievance with HR.

Email HR and state that you were surprised by the tone of the meeting and that you are concerned that you are being singled out without a shred of evidence such as dates/details of what you have allegedly said and done or any witness. Therefore you wish to make an official complaint against your colleague and the manager who chaired the meeting.

Then everything will be in writing and it will have to be followed up. Your colleague already has a negative track record with HR so this will raise further alarm bells.

I totally agree with this. The whole situation is outrageous.

If you are going to leave, don't rush but take your time to find another job.

However, if you play the long game you may find she leaves first. She has clearly been promoted beyond her abilities and feels insecure because you are having to support her etc.

Stop going above and beyond to support her, keep all the receipts.

Dear god in heaven that was not a ‘mediation’ session, it was a hatchet job.

As others have said, document everything from now on. Anything she asks you to do, you get it in writing if it’s not part of your responsibilities - if she asks why, say you want to be certain that you’ve got all the details to enable you to do it.

Definitely talk to ACAS / your union as this looks like constructive dismissal - you were happy there, management have always been happy with your work and now this.

Try to chill over the weekend & forget about it. If you’re in a business that means you have contacts, put some feelers out - maybe LinkedIn would be useful?

Sending a hug

I agree you should talk with ACAS, OP.

Always remember that HR is ultimately about protecting the organisation. To accomplish that they must ensure that laws and regs are followed, which may not have been the case in what you’ve just endured. But it doesn’t sound like you have a really clear complaint, sadly (partly because she may be lying, but that is hard to defend against).

I agree you need meticulous records going forward

PS I am also very sorry about the whole thing

This is what I would do too

Oh my gosh, @MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig
Im so sorry.

This sounds horrific.

Im interested, in your op, you were told you were being invited to a meeting to discuss
Apparently my timekeeping has been poor lately and I’ve been seen checking my personal phone.
Did those issues come up?
Because if not, they haven't followed process.

Are you in a union?

If so, involve them pdq.
If not, pm me. I'm a former union rep

@RockyRogue1001 yes they did come up in the meeting. In my defence I said that I wasn’t routinely late and checking our phones in the office was something that had always been done and never been an issue before. We’re not regularly scrolling social media but we do check messages. I also pointed out that the erstwhile colleague was just as guilty of these things as I had been and I had it on good authority from another colleague that she herself had quite often been late.

Apparently it wasn’t about her and I didn’t need to bring that up.