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Original poster

Do employers appreciate honesty? Probation coming up, would like to extend and leave.

58 replies

AgualusasL0ver · 01/10/2025 09:13

My new job hasn't lived up to expectations for a number of reasons. I have my probationary review coming up, and I want to tell my manager that I am not happy and that I will look for a new role giving them as much notice as possible, potentially longer than probation notice if I can. Its a nice place and the people are all nice. It just isn't for me.

I am a sort of middle people manager, and in review cycle so I plan to see that through, which would be mid Nov as I don't want to let my team down and not be able to deliver their feedback. But, I do feel I need to flag now and say I am looking elsewhere but wanting to do a good handover and not leave anyone in the lurch. It is mat contract anyway and the person is due back in Feb, so hopefully disruption is minimal.

I just don't like sneaking around for interviews and would rather be upfront, but I don't want to risk her saying that I leave immediately.

OP posts:
Original poster
AgualusasL0ver · 03/10/2025 08:56

I did exactly what you all told me not to do, in fact I went one step further and resigned and very calmly explained everything. They were surprised but understood and whilst I have given 2 weeks notice, I said I would stay whilst looking if they thought it helpful and not disruptive but up to them. They actually said lets talk dates next week unless you need an end date for your plans.

It was actually a really pleasant and nice conversation and I felt 100 times lighter once I had it, it was just hanging over me.

Obviously this is irresponsible and nuts so now I have to make sure I have something bringing in money.

None of these are a given, but:

  • my old boss (very senior) and my old manager are advocating for my old company to take me back in my previous role - it is possible as it is not the sort of set up where they replace you they move people around and add to headcount (longest shot prob due to headcount and perhaps not poss until Jan)
  • my old company has two vacancies that I am in discussions about that are lateral to my previous roles, both hiring managers were mentors of mine and have encouraged me to apply - again no gauarantee
  • time being confirmed for the role mentioned above and it turns out the hiring manager and I have connections here too and another old boss has said they can put in a good word

My back up is it is the run up to Christmas and I will apply for retail roles, sign up to some event agencies as bank staff and my agencies know I will be available for temping, not such a buoyant market at the moment there.

Obviously none of these are actually a done deal, but I am trying to remain optimistic because I feel good about being on my way out.

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 03/10/2025 11:12

Well done for making a decision. Good luck.

HelpMeGetThrough · 03/10/2025 11:49

AgualusasL0ver · 01/10/2025 10:59

I am really surprised that employers don't value honesty and flexibility to minimise disruption, but the feedback in unanimous.

Where I work they would certainly appreciate your honesty. As you’re in probation, they’d terminate your employment.

Original poster
AgualusasL0ver · 03/10/2025 11:59

I guess I have saved them the hassle of terminating, but they also seem amenable to float on for a bit as we are in a particularly busy period. But if they say off you go in 2 weeks then I am actively pursuing other things to get in the best position.

OP posts:
dendroglyph · 03/10/2025 12:13

AgualusasL0ver · 03/10/2025 08:56

I did exactly what you all told me not to do, in fact I went one step further and resigned and very calmly explained everything. They were surprised but understood and whilst I have given 2 weeks notice, I said I would stay whilst looking if they thought it helpful and not disruptive but up to them. They actually said lets talk dates next week unless you need an end date for your plans.

It was actually a really pleasant and nice conversation and I felt 100 times lighter once I had it, it was just hanging over me.

Obviously this is irresponsible and nuts so now I have to make sure I have something bringing in money.

None of these are a given, but:

  • my old boss (very senior) and my old manager are advocating for my old company to take me back in my previous role - it is possible as it is not the sort of set up where they replace you they move people around and add to headcount (longest shot prob due to headcount and perhaps not poss until Jan)
  • my old company has two vacancies that I am in discussions about that are lateral to my previous roles, both hiring managers were mentors of mine and have encouraged me to apply - again no gauarantee
  • time being confirmed for the role mentioned above and it turns out the hiring manager and I have connections here too and another old boss has said they can put in a good word

My back up is it is the run up to Christmas and I will apply for retail roles, sign up to some event agencies as bank staff and my agencies know I will be available for temping, not such a buoyant market at the moment there.

Obviously none of these are actually a done deal, but I am trying to remain optimistic because I feel good about being on my way out.

I have done this too in the past - There is definite tipping point where your soul just can't take it anymore, and it's a case of throwing caution to the wind just to be able to sleep at night.

And while it feels great, it does bring a lot of worry - and I think that's why there was a lot of PP saying to 'hold your cards close to your chest' because getting paid is always preferable, but I do understand completely that sometimes you just have to bail, and damn the consequences.

PS, also don't be surprised if their attitude suddenly sours

dendroglyph · 03/10/2025 12:14

(Sorry I didn't mean to requote the whole message, and I went back in to try and edit it but it wouldn't let me edit the quote)

Donttellempike · 03/10/2025 12:16

AgualusasL0ver · 01/10/2025 09:40

My contract ends in June, though the person comes back in Feb.

Reasons for not waiting:

  • I am utterly demotivated with the management style. I see why they do things the way they do but it is demoralising.
  • I have 0 autonomy with my team, everything must run through my manager, even every email that is sent no matter how benign so micromanagement. Again, they have their set up, but I did more actual managing in a hybrid role where I was just a dotted line manager.
  • Outside of this cycle right now, it is utterly, mind numbingly boring.
  • We 100% also micromanage our teams, which is not my style.
  • The company is dull and I am someone who enjoys the unexpected, entrepreneurial atmosphere, chaos etc. It drives me.
  • I don't want to coast and it feels like I am deskilling and learning nothing. The point was this was a good opportunity with a competitor to really learn some stuff, but there is 0 opportunity and it is the kind of place that prides itself on that sort of thing.

The bottom line really, is I am miserable, I wake up every morning and wonder if I might be sick today (I would never actually call in sick without being ill), but I have had a lot of jobs, many of them contracts for 3 months (also longer term perm ones) or so and have had the most fulfulling time, built a network and maintained it so I am not used to feeling this way.

Give the agreed notice period and that’s it.

Have you not been working for very long? As soon as they know you are going they are likely to see you as a problem. They are not your friends, playing nice gets you nowhere

Original poster
AgualusasL0ver · 03/10/2025 12:31

Yes, if they decide they want me gone then I will go. They have said that they still want me to attend a panel on Tuesday that I thought they would instantly chuck me off and they want me to deliver the message individually to my whole team but not before mid next week.

Prepared for whatever they say though, it is now in their court.

My usual safety nets of almost guaranteed temp work dont exist anymore and I financially am in a tighter position than I have previously been when leaving roles, but i can take another contract rather than holding out for a permanent role which might help - or it might not.

I do think all the advice given was right - I am clearly a bit of an irresponsible moron but I have woken up happier.

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