Should I tell boss we are ttc?

[francesrivis]

Hi, I am currently doing maternity cover for my line manager and have just found out she won't be coming back to work. I am waiting to hear whether I will automatically be offered the job or whether it will be advertised, in which case I would like to apply for it. My worry is that we are currently ttc no. 2 and I don't know whether to tell my boss this or not. I'm worried that if I do say something this will influence their decision as to whether to offer me the job, so from this point of view suppose I should keep quiet. However, I have a good relationship with my boss and don't like the idea of keeping quiet and then if/when I do get pg springing the surprise on him. The organisation has been through a pretty turbulent time recently and I just feel really guilty about possibly adding to it by going on maternity leave fairly shortly after starting the job. I know one solution would be to put off TTC until it's sorted, but I really don't want to - we've waited a good while for one reason and another, and I'm getting on in years!

Sorry this is long - hope it makes sense, any advice gratefully received.

Only if you're married to him.

duchesse!

Many thanks all - I feel a bit more reassured now. For some reason I had it in my head that you're supposed to tell your employer ASAP if you're pg, so good to know the consensus is wait until you're 12 weeks.

Oh help - can I resurrect this thread please? Have just found out that I am indeed pg, and although very happy about it I am really stressing about work now. It looks as though I will be offered the job and it feels like a huge moral dilemma - should I accept even though I know I am pg? What makes things worse is that the team keep saying how pleased they are that I will be continuing and how nice it will be to have a period of stability (as I said there have been a lot of changes and turmoil recently) and I feel so guilty! Advice please!

I'll throw my tuppence worth in.

I went for a promoted post in my place when I was early PG. I was pushed to do so by my team lead and the whole team knew I was perfect for the job. No one knew I was PG and it would have been really odd had I not applied. Anyway, I went for, got interviewed and got it (this bit took about 3 weeks).

On the day I was offered the position by my manager, I also told him I was PG. I did ask whether this affected anything. Not at all I was told, he offered congratulations but admitted he was extremely glad I hadn't told him before the interview. He knew that my PG hadn't affected his decision either way - which kept him right from a moral (and legal?) perspective I guess.

Does this make sense? Plus in my case, it meant I got promotion and on return from mat leave was offered a position at the promoted level.

Sorry for the ramble. Not sure if this helps at all

Good luck!

Congratulations for a start! It's a really difficult situation isn't it. I know you're under no obligation to tell for a long while and that you're entitled to your mat leave etc but if you get on well with your team and boss and they're relying on you to give stability but you know it's only going to be for 7 months or so then you'll be off for (presumably) a year then you're bound to feel like it would be wrong to take the job.

When is the offer (or discussion of whether the job will be advertised) likely to come up? That might give a few weeks to settle into your pregnancy and you might feel happier discussing it with your boss then.

At the end of the day your pregnancy will affect your job for a while (ie when you're off on mat leave) but how long do you anticipate being in the job? If you miss out on the promotion now how long will it be before you get the opportunity again?

Hope you find the right thing to do

Congratulations. But still, wait until the 12 week scan and don't feel guilty.

Congratulations!

YES accept the job, definitely definitely. You have 7 or 8 months to make an impact and prove your worth. You then take mat leave, however much you like, and come back to the best job for you.

Please please don't let the fact that you are pregnant guilt you into not accepting a job that is offered to you. It is offered to you because you are the best person for it. Women have fought for years to get some equality in the workplace and to get rights around maternity. Make the most of them.

You wouldn't catch a man not accepting a promotion because he was going on leave for some reason - a sabbatical, long term sick or adoption leave or anything.

It will be slightly irritating for your work, yes, but they'll cope, believe me!

Thanks for all the support and congratulations. Rip, your point does make a lot of sense - I would be putting him in a difficult position if I told him before the job was confirmed. I do fully intend to go back after a year and stay in the job longterm - it's just I know how hard (and expensive!) it will be for them to recruit maternity cover given the specialist nature of the work and the training requirements. I suppose I'm also a bit nervous about being condemned as selfish by the team for taking the job in the knowledge that I would only be doing it for a short while. And in a sense I am being selfish - if I accept the job it will be because we need the money and I enjoy the role rather than because I think it's the best thing for the team. Sorry about the burbling - my head is in a spin!!

Accept the job and dont tell them you are pregnant for a while.

Seems to me you have some emotional involvement/guilt issues with letting down the boss/team.

Personally, I dont worry about things like this anymore. I worked my ass off for my previous company, they had been really good to me and very reasonable. I hate to admit that unknowingly, I put them before my ds as I felt I owed them something. I did this for 8 years. Then unexpectedly, I was dismissed during my second pg for no reason whatsoever. A nasty tribunal followed where everyone I thought was my friend turned against me. I won, but it affected me for a long time and I vowed never to put work first again.

You owe them nothing, they are your employers and have no right to dictate or interfere in your personal life. Dont feel guilty.

and of course...congratulations!

Thanks. I think I am pretty much decided to take the job - just want lots of reassurance I think! On a different but related note, does anyone have any ideas about how I can calm down a bit? I am really happy to be pg, but am stressing hugely about the job issue and worrying that the stress will harm the baby which only makes me more stressed!! Sorry to sound so needy but we don't want to tell anyone in RL yet so any advice would be much appreciated.

No point in telling IME - I would have been telling 3 years before my pregnancy (which almost didn't happen at all). I would have shot myself in the foot and created even more pressure to conceive.
Plus, for all he knows, anyone in his organisation could get pregnant at any time anyway - not all pregnancies are planned!

Whoops! You are pregnant. Congratulations!