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Torn over what to do

3 replies

jodesxx · 19/09/2025 23:00

I am very torn over what to do. I have a 18 month and 3.5 year old. My 3.5 year old has just started school and we pay £500 per month for my 1.5 year old for 3 days nursery. I work full time hours over 4 days. Small employer, very flexible. I enjoy my job but management is awful, lack of support but opportunities to lead department in 1-2 years which I am keen to do. They are amazing with the fact that I have children with flexibility. I don’t feel as though I have much of a work life balance and I’m unhappy at the moment but feel very attached to where I work, don’t want to leave and feel incredibly guilty as I know I do so much for them. But then I don’t feel appreciated. It’s familiar though, I’m good at my job and it’s close by.

I’ve been offered a new position, civil service with £8K pay rise and you get the pension. It’d be 5 days but I think 3 days a week at home. I’m just worried I’m not going to be challenged enough, I’m going to regret leaving and I’m going to hate it and regret leaving. I’m not good with change.

My company have said they don’t want me to go. If I want to discuss my position they will but they’ll leave it to me but they’ve said it’s going leave them in a mess and cause so many problems which I know is true. We’ve found recruitment hard in the past and I do a lot. They’ve left it to be to initiate discussions it feels and I’m not sure I want to.

My husband is adamant I need to go but I’m just second guessing myself whether it’s the right Decision. In an ideal world I’d stay I think. I suspect some of the changes I want like more support, funding a course they’d agree to. I’m just worried I’m going to regret leaving and there won’t be an option to return.

OP posts:
RuffledKestrel · 19/09/2025 23:16

There is no harm in discussing options with your current employer, so long as you believe they will implement them.

You can always discuss it with them and then take to decide.

Maviaz · 20/09/2025 09:35

It’s natural to feel anxious about leaving a familiar workplace and taking a leap into the unknown. But if you’re serious about moving jobs you need to look forward and not be thinking you may want to return to your old workplace.

You need to revisit why you applied for another job in the first place. What drove you to do that, what was your motivation? More money, better career prospects, more interesting or varied role, better pension, just needing a change?
I think that’s where you will find the answer to your dilemma.

I’d ignore all thoughts about the difficulties it will leave your current employer in. That’s not your problem and at the end of the day no-one is indispensable.

GabriellaMontez · 20/09/2025 10:16

Decide your priorities.

I dont know what they are, but feeling guilty about the recruitment difficulties they may face, shouldn't be on your list.

Then decide which employer is most likely to support your priorities.

By the way, why is recruitment so difficult for such a flexible employer?

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