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Original poster

Horrible boss

27 replies

Booneymil · 09/09/2025 07:03

I have a horrible boss.
Two examples.

Someone sent me an email last week.

TEN minutes later my boss came over to my office and glared at me and said "I am just checking that you didn't miss that email".

I have received emails in the past to our group email.

My boss will send me a message ten minutes later saying "I am just checking that you didnt miss that email?". It is like a constant low level of harassment. I can do one hundred things in a day. I will do so many tasks, answer so many emails and she will just send me constant negative emails.

There is a monthly task that she told me to do on the 5th of every month.

Last week she came into my office, didn't say hello or anything.

She just glared at me and said "why wasn't this monthly item done? . " I said "because I was told to do it on the 5th". She said "No it should have been done last week, in the last week of the month, you need to set a reminder to do it".

She glared at me and walked out.

I then looked up the previous email she sent me, where she said the monthly item should be done on the 5th.

I wrote to her "previously you said the monthly item should be done on the 5th. Now you are saying it should be done on the last week of every month. Can you clarify what date it should be done on".

She didn't reply to my email at all

She never says hello to me or speaks to me in any way, except to come in and shout at me for doing something wrong.

It is a school. We have no HR department at all.

I did send my boss an email last week saying that I find her behaviour completely unacceptable and I have reached my limit on how she speaks to me.

She has called me in for a meeting. I know she is just going to shout at me in the meeting again

Any advice?
Ive been crying at night over this

OP posts:
Original poster
Booneymil · 09/09/2025 10:47

Bump.

Any advice guys. I have to meet with her on Wednesday and I am so stressed about it because she is so wicked and cruel.

OP posts:
SoScarletItWas · 09/09/2025 10:57

Gently, she sounds abrupt and rude but not wicked and cruel. I do see that her manner is putting you on edge and you would become fearful of making mistakes because she’s going to have a go.

When you have the meeting it’s a chance to professionally raise how you want to be spoken to.

But avoid statements like ‘you’re always rude’ and focus on the behaviours and how it makes you feel

‘I felt undermined when you messaged me to check I’d seen X’s email. Do you have concerns about how promptly I reply to emails or take action?’

’I felt ignored when I asked for clarity about the date for x task. I want to make sure I allocate time to do it at the right time, please can you confirm when it’s needed?’

Try and stay calm. Google some tips for what to do if you feel yourself getting upset in a difficult conversation.

Good luck for tomorrow.

rubyslippers · 09/09/2025 11:00

She’s not wicked and cruel
she sounds abrupt but ultimately you need to be dispassionate and factual about her behaviours

vincettenoir · 09/09/2025 11:04

She sounds like a micromanager and clearly not very friendly. But unfortunately there are lots of different personality types that we need to learn to work alongside. I think you are on high alert and alarmed by her request for a meeting but it’s probably some minor thing and I doubt she is planning to give you a major dressing down on anything.

Original poster
Booneymil · 09/09/2025 11:27

rubyslippers · 09/09/2025 11:00

She’s not wicked and cruel
she sounds abrupt but ultimately you need to be dispassionate and factual about her behaviours

She is absolutely wicked. I have never felt so ill with stress as I have been in this job.

I have only written about what she has done to me.

What she has done to other people in my workplace is even worse.

My colleague told me that my boss did something terrible to her. It is really terrible. Like it is actually shocking. I cant write what it is as it is identifying. It is absolutely shocking what my boss did to her

My colleague then told my boss, that she was going to take her to an employment tribunal over what my boss did to her.

My boss then made one change at our place and asked my colleague to please not take her to an employment tribunal.

My colleague agreed to not take her to a tribunal.

However my boss had marked my colleague's cards. She made her life a misery and she has now made my colleague redundant. So this woman lost her job.

I know that if i stand up to my boss too much, she will make me redundant.

There is no HR team. My boss does the HR duties. My boss can pretty much fire/make redundant who she wants.

OP posts:
SoScarletItWas · 09/09/2025 11:32

You can only concentrate on how she is with you / how you work with her.

Your colleagues’ experiences aren’t your business.

If it’s as bad as it sounds, though, I hope you’re looking for another job already.

Original poster
Booneymil · 09/09/2025 11:36

SoScarletItWas · 09/09/2025 11:32

You can only concentrate on how she is with you / how you work with her.

Your colleagues’ experiences aren’t your business.

If it’s as bad as it sounds, though, I hope you’re looking for another job already.

I am.
But now I have stood up to her this week, and told her that her behaviour to me is unacceptable,

I feel like she will give me a bad reference.
Can she do that?

That's why I have been crying this week. I feel like I can't bear how she is treating me anymore, but then I worry if I stand up to her about her behaviour, she will give me a terrible reference.

Which will mean that i wont get another job. There is only really her in this job that can givr me a reference.

I'm just so stressed this week

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 09/09/2025 11:40

You've nothing to lose by sticking up for yourself. Write down the points you want to make so you dont get panicked and forget them .if no change, look for another job and have fun playing boss bingo.

Original poster
Booneymil · 09/09/2025 12:14

tripleginandtonic · 09/09/2025 11:40

You've nothing to lose by sticking up for yourself. Write down the points you want to make so you dont get panicked and forget them .if no change, look for another job and have fun playing boss bingo.

Thanks . Wish me luck!

It is like trying to stand up to an abuser. I am nervous. Everyone in my workplace is afraid of her

OP posts:
Original poster
Booneymil · 09/09/2025 12:22

Does anyone have experience of standing up to a boss? How did it go? Did you get change made?

OP posts:
Greedybilly · 09/09/2025 14:03

Are you in a union? Can you get a friend/colleague to sit in with you in any meetings? She sounds like a b*tch sorry you are going through this.
Why does work turn people into nutters?

jimbort · 09/09/2025 14:29

There’s a guy on LinkedIn called Jefferson fisher that does really good talks on this sort of stuff. All the best and well done for standing your ground. Hope it goes well.

W0tnow · 09/09/2025 14:31

Who is her boss?

Original poster
Booneymil · 09/09/2025 14:43

W0tnow · 09/09/2025 14:31

Who is her boss?

There is one person over her.

I did say in the email to my boss this week that the way she speaks to me is unacceptable, things need to change or I will have to talk to her boss about it.

I used to be a much stronger person. I feel like this woman has reduced me to a nervous wreck. I feel like a scared child going into meet her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Booneymil · 09/09/2025 14:44

jimbort · 09/09/2025 14:29

There’s a guy on LinkedIn called Jefferson fisher that does really good talks on this sort of stuff. All the best and well done for standing your ground. Hope it goes well.

Thank you very much!

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 09/09/2025 15:41

Hopefully mentioning that you’re unhappy with her behaviour is the first step to turning a corner with her. Good luck with it all.

Pleasebehave92738 · 10/09/2025 07:21

My advice to you is leave. There are quite a few school admin jobs now if that's what you work in and alot are having to take on people with no experience as not a lot are applying so you have a good chance
I have just been through this exact experience in a school. My office manager was terrible, micro managing , aggressive, mood swings, picking away at you. I loved the school but hated her. It got to the point where she was making me ill and I didn't want to go in. I decided to leave with no job to go to. Luckily I was offered a more senior role by our sister school so transferred over which I know she is furious about!!!
I feel so much lighter now, can sleep and actually dont mind going in!! And i hear she is treating my replacement the same way so it wasn't even personal.

hoohaal · 10/09/2025 07:24

What a bitch.
I would definitely go to her manager and explain what she has been like. It’s not acceptable.

In the meantime I would look for a new job unfortunately.

StasisMom · 10/09/2025 07:31

So is she the business manager and the person above her is the Head? If so, the Head or a deputy could give you a reference but in any case, bad references aren’t actually allowed. If you’re not in a union, I would contact Acas pronto.

KiwiFall · 10/09/2025 07:33

Sorry if coming in late. Can you take someone else with you to the meeting, ask to record it or at least take notes? Then she may realise you will take this further if she remains unprofessional. I’ve had people
like this as bosses. I’ve learnt to be ultra professional not emotional and the worst thing you can do to them is the agree with them “oh thanks for double checking yes I saw that email thank you so much” ever single time. They hate it. The same phrase. Sounds like she likes a fight/drama/bulling people and I would make it clear by your actions you are not engaging with that behaviour but again be ultra professional.

Original poster
Booneymil · 10/09/2025 10:40

I had the meeting with her. It didnt go well. She was just rude and aggressive throughout the meeting

She was talking at me and i said " i have a list of points that i want to talk about" and she shouted at me "So am I not allowed to talk then!"

She doesnt like me. The only thing i can do is look for another job

OP posts:
Henry8thHoover · 10/09/2025 11:09

I have a boss like this and also work in school. It’s wrecked my MH and I’m desperately looking for something else.

Original poster
Booneymil · 10/09/2025 11:26

I came out of the meeting feeling worse than when i went in :(

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 10/09/2025 11:33

You need to join a union. And record meetings where she is abusive.
Who is her boss? Shouting at people using never acceptable.

I had an awful bully colleague like that. Constantly told me to do something then shouted at me demanding to know why I did it. Then never apologising when I showed her email proof she instructed me.

Have everything in email, if she says anything verbally summarise it by email and send it, saying you're confirming this is what she said to you.

I hope you can find a new job as she may not get much better.

IDontHateRainbows · 10/09/2025 19:29

Booneymil · 09/09/2025 12:22

Does anyone have experience of standing up to a boss? How did it go? Did you get change made?

No, it made things worse.

She's baiting you for a reaction.

id be interacting minimimally with her, poker face, look elsewhere

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