Long commute, young kids

[Jobdilemma99]

I have a 3 year old due to start primary next year and a 5 month old. At a bit of a career cross roads following redundancy. Most jobs in my sector are in London, even if I could negotiate max two days a week in the office, that's two days I'd be out the house 7am-7pm ish. Or do I take a big pay cut for something more local? My DH pulls his weight but has a long commute 1-2 days a week too. Any thoughts/experiences welcome. We're not in the income bracket to be able to afford a nanny.

Commute opposite days to your dh.

This is what we would have to do. We could make it work, I'm sure, I guess I'm looking for experiences of people who took a step back once their kids started school, and what value people put on a short commute/more flexibility. Weighing everything up at the moment! The job I've been made redundant from was a bit of a unicorn in that it was fully remote... not many of those exist in my industry and at my level.

How much of a paycut if you take a job locally and how flexible are they with which days yoh are in London? If they are flexible and it’s a significant pay gap, you could give yourself three months to are how things go?

a lot of care staff for example work 12 hour shifts so it is not that unusual.

Quality time in the evenings with small children was worth more than extra salary for me and many of my friends. You are never going to regret spending more time with them.

Used to do this. Took a step back for a few years (to 3 days a week, didn’t seek challenging projects, roles with travel, promotion etc) and I think it was a big factor in my career and earnings stagnating. DH could focus on work and his took off. Common story!

I couldn’t find anything closer to home with anywhere near comparable wages (am a middle manager type level)

If it’s two days a week I would just do it. Sensible option if you have nursery fees. Then perhaps save some money for the future and get something closer to home when they both start school.

I mean this genuinely politely, but you may not have a choice.

The job market is brutal right now. Underqualified because there are more senior people now available so the employer gets more bang for their buck; but overqualified as you want too much money or are seen as a flight risk.

Used to commute 90 mins e/way, first and last at nursery and every red light was a stress. Then I was made redundant and found a lower paid job a 20 min walk away - with the primary school enroute! It was life changing and actually the £20k pay cut after no fuel costs, lower tax and less childcare became not much at all. It was the right job tho, only do it if you still find that.

If it’s only two days a week surely you make sure you alternate days with your DH so one of you is there?

If you can work opposite days in the office to your DH then this sounds like the perfect job!

If you take a step back then you are unlikely to ever catch up. This seems like the absolute unicorn job to me; kids get one parent each evening, and both of you get to take your turn at focusing on work and doing the domestic.

I say that as someone who commuted two hours each way to work for 10 years while my kids were little by working early to early (DH did nursery drop off). Splitting the week rather than splitting the day would be the perfect balance of kids and work for me.

Don't I know it! This is one of my main concerns.

You're absolutely right. I have a couple of interviews in the pipeline, which is getting me thinking about my possible options, but I think the state of the job market makes me terrified that I'll make a bad move and then be stuck.

DH commutes and on the days he doesn’t I do. This means we don’t hardly any quality evening family time together.

I have 2 kids similar age to you, one nearly 4 and the other just turned 1. I do two days a week in London and it’s a very long commute, out the house by 6.30am and not home until after 7pm.

I was so hard on myself about missing those 2 mornings and 2 bedtimes a week (if I rush home I can make a book and cuddle with eldest) but the truth is I want to do well in my career and I earn a lot of money. If I was not on my salary (over 6 figures, and very aware of how lucky I am to earn that) I don’t think I would do it. What persuaded me to continue on in this job with little kids is when I remind myself that dads have done this for eternity. And they have always out earned women whilst doing it.

I can be a good mum working in London 2 days a week. If anything it makes me more present on the other 5 days a week.

only you can know what will work for your family, but if I had my go again I would absolutely do what I did and stick with the London job to further my future career chances x